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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that (at worst) you can understand what I mean from context?

48 replies

OneMillionScovilles · 01/12/2015 23:37

In the last few days I have used the following two turns of phrase to DH:

(on people who are annoying but should be tolerated)"...but I'm not exactly going to invite them to Thanksgiving"

(on being overly attacked for something) "There's no need to make a federal case out of it"

His immediate response has been to pretend he has noooo idea what I'm trying to communicate because we don't celebrate Thanksgiving or have such a thing as 'federal cases' in the UK. AIBU to think this is a weird and childish derailing? Any advice on how to take a deep breath also welcome. (I will be expunging anything non-British from my lexicon forthwith, wot wot!)

OP posts:

LurkingHusband · 02/12/2015 08:43

Within the UK there are odd variations in phrases, but you can still determine meaning - I find it tends to show in phrases I can understand, but would never use (bearing in mind I'm an expat Londoner in the Midlands).

One is "Loose me in" meaning "let me in". Never heard it in my life till I moved here, but in context it was perfectly understandable.

"In his oiltot" was another - meaning like a pig in muck ...

I often speculate on how easy - or hard - it would be for a modern day spy to blend into society with such idiom and dialect across the British Isles.

BeanGirls · 02/12/2015 08:46

I'd LOL if my dh said those phrases to me. Very American.

ohtheholidays · 02/12/2015 09:10

I understood what you were saying and I have brain damage now and very often don't understand what my brains trying to make me say(once argued with DH that he could indeed hoover the lawn and mow the carpets)I think it just likes to make me look like a dick and it works

Euripidesralph · 02/12/2015 09:18

Hmm see I feel for you because I have quite a few Americanisms as I grew up there as a child and some have stuck so it's not always wanky to use them .... I can't help it , it would beyond infuriate me the whole deliberate misunderstanding thing it's so childish
... context makes your meaning clear

Then again when we first returned from the states a teacher deliberately misunderstood me asking for the bathroom (in my American accent at the time) because they didn't have one but they had a toilet.... so that's what she told me ... leaving me at 5 to wet myself because I thought I wasn't allowed to go to the loo all day

She told my mother it was a necessary teaching moment

Bwahaha my mother went scorched earth that day lol

Theoretician · 02/12/2015 09:21

I would be sufficiently annoyed by both that they would be the subsequent focus of the conversation. When you use an Americanism you're embarrassing yourself, and insulting me. (Insult 1: treating my culture as subordinate by adopting a foreign one. Insult 2: causing me to be related to a loon, by being one.)

I have always cringed when British singers use American accents.

Enjolrass · 02/12/2015 09:23

euri but you lived in America until you were 5? The OP didn't.

Many people call the toilet 'bathroom' I always ask for the 'bathroom'.

That teacher was just a twat.

Jux · 02/12/2015 10:08

They are entirely understandable phrases. They communicate exactly what you mean, succinctly. Who cares whether they're American or not?

Your dh is derailing and shutting you up. He knows what you mean as well as you do, and he is using silly pedantic irrelevant loophole to stop you saying what you want to say.

He is silly.

Preciousxbane · 02/12/2015 10:33

I get them and I do understand why language changes but this is an American cultural thing , I would not use them and would say something if DH used them. Something along the lines of 'we are not bloody stateside you know'.

I spoke to my American friend on thanksgiving, we agreed his take on the arrival of the Mayflower and the departure of the Puritans was different to mine.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 02/12/2015 11:11

I have to admit I do find the use of Americanisms extremely annoying. And whilst your DP was just probably trying to score a point, I understand his annoyance. I don't understand why you would use either of your comments if you're not American and don't celebrate Thanksgiving, and we don't have a federal bureau here.

I have a friend who constantly uses American phrases. Movies for Cinema, Summer Camp for PlayScheme, Cab for Taxi, Belly for Tummy (or Stomach), Kitty for Cat, and many, many more. It does drive me mad. She's never lived in the US, but has simply visited a couple of times. I worked for the American military forces for a couple of years and DP's family live in the US, but we never use Americanisms. Even 24/7 annoys me.

1Q84 · 02/12/2015 11:32

It's nothing to with the 'Federal Bureau' it's a reference to Federal law - i.e. cases being taken before the Supreme Court.

It's quite an established phrase (1950's?) and one we are au fait with in New Zealand (see what I did there ) so to dismiss its use today as simply an 'Americanism' is disingenuous.

Anyway you have my commiserations OP, I think it is detestable when people deliberately feign incomprehension; it's so very, very petty.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 02/12/2015 11:54

Okay, IQ - point accepted if you live in NZ and if the OP lived in NZ and used the reference to Federal law. But we don't have Federal Law in the UK, (and actually, I didn't think it was the case in NZ either, but I may be wrong)and the OP said she and her DP live in the UK. So, it still wouldn't make very much sense here

The FBI (in America) is the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Federal law is the body of law created by the federal government of a country. Which we don't have in the UK.

Jux · 02/12/2015 18:01

I think IQ's main point was made in her use of 'au fait'. We're not French here either, are we?

silvermantela · 02/12/2015 19:04

I think you were being more unreasonable, tbh. Surely the whole point of using cultural references is to refer to a shared culture? If you were American and he British, and he pretended he didn't understand then he would be being unnecessarily rude, but as, presumably, neither of you are American then using the cultural references of a culture neither of you belong to is, frankly, odd!

Particularly with the first example, I also disagree that you would be able to make sense of it out of the context.

If you had used one of the examples above, e.g. 'Well I'm not going to invite them for Christmas,' that would mean, as you were trying to communicate to your DH, the annoying people would have been disadvantaged by their behaviour because you would not invite them to a significant social occasion. But what you actually said was 'Well I'm not going to invite them to [an event I would never have invited them to anyway because I don't celebrate it], which makes no sense.

Rather than the implication being 'due to their behaviour, they've lost out,' it becomes 'their behaviour has had no adverse consequences for them,' iyswim? So really what you actually said is almost the complete opposite of the point you were trying to make.

Also, using excessive Americanisms is just annoying! I have a friend who frequently refers to the 'jocks,' at our old school. We lived in Wales.

I just say 'Do you mean the boys that used to be on the rugby team?'

wasonthelist · 02/12/2015 19:16

Obviously ymmv

You do know that's from the US, op?

It's much more pervasive than many of us realise ( btw I'm not making a value judgement)

I recall seeing a Britsih TV court drama set in an English court where a barrister shouted out "objection!" (That doesn't happen here, but either the writer's only watched US tv or they were trying to sell it there).

By far the worst, though was the kids in my Ma's class when she taught in secondary school who honestly believed the number to call for Police in an emergency was 911 because they'd watched so much US tv and films.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 03/12/2015 11:43

I just had to Google 'ymmv' as had no idea what it stood for. And I've not heard the expression before. Maybe I live in a bubble

Senpai · 03/12/2015 11:52

90% of communication is body language and voice tone. He knew what you meant. He's being antagonistic.

The globe is shrinking and Thanksgiving isn't some obscure holiday.

Though, if someone told me to go read the riot act here in the US, I'd be a bit confused. Same with wankbadger/cockwomble. Some phrases just don't translate well across the pond.

But there's a fair bit of phrases that made it over here too from British TV shows, like Dr. Who and Sherlock.

So it's not like America and UK are just two obscure countries with strange customs and cultures that are unheard of in both places.

LurkingHusband · 03/12/2015 14:29

So it's not like America and UK are just two obscure countries with strange customs and cultures that are unheard of in both places.

The old adage about being divided by a common language springs to mind ...

Narp · 03/12/2015 15:42

It's obvious what those two phrases mean.

He's being wilfully obtuse for some reason.

Narp · 03/12/2015 15:45

There seem to be a lot of people here who have missed the point too.

Why is your DH so irritated by your turn of phrase that he makes that the point rather than the subject you were discussing?

WoodHeaven · 03/12/2015 15:46

The meaning is obvious.

I think that, knowing you are not American, I would have laughed at your turn of phrase tbh. But getting upset like this, no.

WoodHeaven · 03/12/2015 15:47

Unless as pp said, he has been using that as a way to avoid a conversation...

Enjolrass · 03/12/2015 16:26

Tbf the thanksgiving one meant nothing.

Op doesn't celebrate thanksgiving so saying 'they at are ok, but I would invite them to thanksgiving' means nothing as she doesn't invite anyone to thanks giving as she doesn't celebrate it though.

I wonder if this is a case of both people trying to derail a conversation. I definitely think the DH was.

DadDadDad · 03/12/2015 16:43

90% of communication is body language and voice tone.

Really? Where did you get that from?

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