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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really annoyed and offended when someone insults my country

65 replies

1a2b3c4d · 30/11/2015 17:52

I have an acquaintance who has lived in my country since childhood, yet constantly complains about how it is so very backward, there's nothing to do, the people are boring, our accent is horrible, etc. She also likes complaining about the majority religion and how we are all so stupid to follow our faith and so on.

I'm sorry, but if you are going to mouth off the whole way through uni and then on Facebook as well, why don't you just go back to England? Thought so... you don't want to leave your nice tax-payer funded job and luxury house. Shut up then.

Not all 100% wrong, but I've lived all over the world and my home country has so many good things about it. It just feels like a personal slight sometimes.

Rant over.

P.S. It's not in N.Am.

OP posts:
CassieBearRawr · 30/11/2015 19:42

My mum's friend has lived in the uk for like, 25+ years. Still bitches almost daily about what a shithole she thinks it is. I notice she hasn't moved back Grin

Backawaynow2 · 30/11/2015 19:43

She sounds boring,

Tell her to stop moaning or piss off back home.

SanityClause · 30/11/2015 19:47

I'm Australian, living in the UK.

When I first came here, I would often say "in Australia we do ...". People would often say "if it's so good, why don't you go back there."

But I wasn't making a judgement about the UK, just commenting on a difference.

WoodHeaven · 30/11/2015 19:50

I think it's a hard one actually.

Does it mean that because you are not from that country, you aren't allowed to criticise said country the same way that the 'natives' are?

No country is perfect. The reasons you are staying can be very varied, from having a nice job, liking the environment to just having your own family (eg husband) there and feeling stuck there.
But everyone is moaning about the country they are living in, regardless of where they were born.

I don't think it would be fair to say, let's say a british person can't criticise the way things are done in Germany but a German person can, even though both are paying taxes, using the system and face issues linked with it.

Coming to live in a nother country doesn't mean you should be completely and utterly grateful for everything in that country, even the bits you don't like.

It doesn't mean that you shouldn't treat said country with respect though (eg be respectful of their religion). Nor does it mean that you can spend your time complaining about where you live, take all the best bits and then complain it's stil not good enough.

WoodHeaven · 30/11/2015 19:56

To those who are saying that it's different because they are born in England so they are allowed to moan because they have nowhere else to go.

Actaully you CAN decide that living in England isn't good enough and move to another country, like a hell of other people. That's why people emigrate in the first place.

People who 'moan' when they have been there for a few weeks I wouold be extremely surprised at that! or more like a year or more usually do so because there is a clear pattern when you are moving to a new country. When you arrive, everything is all shiny and great and fantastic and then you realise that actually there are some issues and you WILL compare to what you have left behind. That's when people can be quite critical. Then come the phase of acceptance.
It's quite a normal phase and doesn't mean that people aren't happy to be there, nor that they are not grateful.

However, I'm not sure that's what the OP was talking about.

SarahSavesTheDay · 30/11/2015 20:08

Firstly, it doesn't really matter but your friend is showing some pretty poor manners. It's rude to insult someone's home country. That said, why do you feel so invested in this? You have no control over a country (unless you're president?).

Unless you're willing to say which country, it's pretty hard to judge. If I were living in Saudi Arabia (for example) I might complain about it being backwards.

Waltermittythesequel · 30/11/2015 20:11

If it's Ireland she's a cunt. Obviously.Wink

aquashiv · 30/11/2015 20:17

I think it's Wales

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 30/11/2015 20:29

I have a friend who comes from a country where the standard of living and opportunities are not so good. She lives and works here and her children go to school here she moans as I sometimes do and I know at times she feels homesick and will see things through rose tinted glasses I can't see the problem it's not personal

I remember getting a taxi late on a Saturday night in Sydney. My boyfriend and I were chatting with the driver saying how we liked Sydney and also had a bit of a moan as we had waited so long (over an hour) the taxi driver told us to go back to England then where we would not have to wait so long for a taxi Shock we had not mentioned London cabs and we were grateful he had picked us up

We were stunned into silence but being so very British and polite we thanked him and tipped him Grin

maddening · 30/11/2015 21:04

When at uni in 1999 a flat mate from East Germany constantly compared Scotland to East Germany (not that long after Germany reunited relatively speaking - and much of East Germany was pretty dire by accounts of German relatives of mine - am of East European decent myself so relatives there and across Germany) - for example I am dyslexic and she actually said "why do you have so many dyslexic people here - there are no dyslexic people in germany", and "why are the buildings so awful here they are much better built in Germany" and another one after seeing graffiti when on the train "there is so much graffiti here you don't see that in Germany" - she did start to grate after a while but thankfully she was only there for two terms!

Lweji · 30/11/2015 21:08

If your friend lives in your country since childhood surely she is almost a native and entitled.

theycallmemellojello · 30/11/2015 22:20

If she's lived there since childhood it's her country too. If you don't like her then don't hang out with her, but it's not great to act like she has less of a right to talk about your country than you do.

BeyondThirty · 30/11/2015 22:23

Its so ireland. (Cause of the abrtion news today)

IamSantaClaus · 30/11/2015 22:24

Yanbu this would annoy me too . I got annoyed when Kit Harrington was complaining about Northern Ireland and that was just a throwaway comment !

Booyaka · 01/12/2015 00:23

I think it's Ireland. My Irish husband refers to it as 'a backwards fucked up dribble of a country'. He still loves it though. Maybe that's the thing, she sees it as her home. We all have little niggles about the place we call home. Maybe she just thinks other people accept it is her home in the same way. Like, she gets pissed off with bits of it even though she likes it. But she doesn't realise other people see her as an outsider (or a blow in, if you're Irish) and she doesn't realise she's giving offence.

If it is Ireland she may not realise how long she'll be considered a blow in. Hell, my mother in law came from a village 30 miles down the road and lived in her new village for 40 years and they still called her a blow in.

Booyaka · 01/12/2015 00:25

Oh it is Ireland. Yeah, I think that's probably what it is. Because an awful lot of Irish people say the same things about Ireland, and the Catholic Church in particular and nobody bats an eyelid. But if you say it as an outsider it causes offence. She probably doesn't realise that a lot of people still think she is an outsider.

DramaAlpaca · 01/12/2015 00:30

I also think it's Ireland, which is my adopted home. I wouldn't dream of slagging off my adopted country to locals, it's the height of rudeness.

Booyaka agree with you about being a blow in. FIL has lived in his village for 55 years & is still a blow in, to himself as well as the locals.

cleaty · 01/12/2015 00:31

I have a friend who lives abroad. She doesn't like the country but her Husband is from there and her children grew up there. If she could, she would move back in a heartbeat. People stay in other countries for all kinds of reasons.

caroldecker · 01/12/2015 00:36

Wherever it is, it's obviously a shithole Grin

GreatFuckability · 01/12/2015 00:38

It's not Wales. Our only religion is rugby.

MrsCrimshaw · 01/12/2015 00:52

Nationality and borders are bizarre when you think about it - just a load of lines some old men drew on a map. I often wonder what would happen if one day the whole concept of countries and borders was abolished...

PatrickPolarBear · 01/12/2015 00:52

She's definitely being boring if she is constantly moaning and whining about everything in your country but I'm not sure if it's rude as such. If she has lived there since childhood then surely she has a valid perspective to offer having grown up there.

I do get tired listening to people who just want to moan on though. I always feel that if you don't like something then either try to change it or stop complaining. Easier said than done but endless negativity is wearing.

Booyaka · 01/12/2015 00:56

Yep 'Drama', I have sat in a room full of Irish people slagging it right off. Crap politicians, crap government, corrupt, full of bribery, full of crooks, terrible roads, ignorant people, backwards attitudes, awful food, terrible shops, crappy internet.

I said 'it's a bit rainy as well', and you'd have thought I'd shot the pope from the looks on their faces.

CatMilkMan · 01/12/2015 01:00

I get stupidly patriotic when someone insults Britain even when British people do it. I can't help it. :(

KaluzaKlein · 01/12/2015 01:20

Dh thinks The uk is the third world. He bases this on his time living there and cites the following:

Carpets indoors... And specifically...
Carpets in bathrooms
Single glazing
Our propensity for extreme drunkenesss
Our propensity for violence when drunk
Litter
Mice indoors

I defend our little peccadilloes to the death. :)