...to absolutely HATE football?

[WyrdByrd]

DH is a fan and a few years ago decided to get a season ticket for our local team. DD had been along a couple of times and MIL offered to pay for her to have one too.

This is her 4th season I think - she's now 11 and whilst she's not uninterested in the footy, she mostly enjoys the social side (as well a DH her uncle and another friend and his DC go) and visiting the chip shop en route.

This is all well and good but it takes up so much bloody time. Every Saturday there is a home match on they're out from about 12.30 - 6.30pm at least so we cannot do anything as a family and DD can't make arrangements with friends, and of course because it is already paid for she 'has' to go.

This month completely takes the piss - they have 5 matches and a Christmas party (not including the away game that DH is going to on Boxing Day) between now and 1st January.

TBH I hate the whole culture of football anyway, but trying to bend over backwards to fit in other things around all this is really getting on my tits. I need to take DD shopping for DH's present, she wants to put the decorations up with me and have her best friend for a sleepover. She has clubs two evenings a week, music practice and two homework projects to finish before the end of term. I've got work and social commitments as well so it's just a huge stress trying to work everything around bloody football.

I'm not about to throw a hissy fit to DH and DD but AIBU to be silently(ish) seething about how much this is getting in the way of life in general atm, and hope DD decides to pack it in next year (she has already mentioned that she might to MIL who then phoned me demanding to know why )?

DH will carry on going whether DD does or not.

I do feel that there has been a certain amount of pressure on her to go, especially from MIL. DD has already mentioned to her the possibility of giving it up next year and I had the Spanish Inquisition from MIL who phoned up demanding I explain why (tbf when I did she 'got' it).

I really don't mind her going per se - it's just the attitude that it is more important that anything else that gets on my nerves. I have said to DD myself that if she decides to not get a season ticket next year (and it will be her call, even if I do quietly sigh and roll my eyes behind her back if she keeps going), we'll still get her the occasional ticket if there's a particular match she wants to go to.

She is also into basketball (plays as well as watches), which we all enjoy and is cheaper and nearer so it would enable us to do that more often too.

FWIW, Saturdays are the only family day we have as Sundays are taken up with my commitments to my elderly parents, which as an only child with no family locally I don't have the option of side-lining

Er - so you are using up one day a weekend when nothing can be done together with dh and dd.
Am I missing something, or is there a reason that you don't use the day that dh and dd are at the football, to spend the day with your parents, and then - hey presto - the 3 of you have a day that coincides with each other, rather than all of you having commitments on one day.

I'm sorry you think you've had a flaming. From where I'm sitting, there seem to be plenty of people on your side. Perhaps, this being Mumsnet, you anticipated 100% support but football does have a large female fanbase.

It was harsh of me to call your attitude superior. But it sounds as if your daughter has many demands on her time, including 2 clubs and weekly music practice, yet you only seem to view football as causing a problem. That's what narked me.

Let's imagine for a moment that your daughter was preparing for a big Christmas concert. There would be loads of midweek and weekend rehearsals and probably several performances over the Christmas period, all taking up family time. Would you still be on here then, talking about 'Bloody music'?

It's highly unusual to have 5 home games in one month and as a pp has said, this won't have been arranged by the club. Just to be clear, this should not put an extra burden on you and your husband should either miss some games or do extra stuff during the week. And of course no-one should be pressurising your daughter to go to games if she doesn't want to.

Finally (and then I promise, I'll shut up) you do seem to have a stereotypical view of the game. Yes it has an ugly side but there is a flip to that. Among other things, it can teach you about team spirit, loyalty and dealing with disappointment. And some of us are even quite cultured you know

Thanks Flo - flaming is probably a bit too strong a word and I certainly didn't expect everyone to agree with me, but it's been a bit harsher than I anticipated, which is fair enough, I've been on here long enough to now how AIBU works .

I'm sure part of the reason I'm more inclined to rant about football is that I just don't 'get it', and I know it's not all bad - just getting on top of me a bit atm with everything else going on.

I have been known to rant about music practice too another thing foisted on DD by the in-laws with no consultation but that's another story.

BackforGood - surprising as it may seem, my parents quite like to see their grand-daughter too (probably more than me tbh!).

Anyway, have managed to slot in everything around the fixtures list so I shall wave them off with a smile for the next few weekends and make the most of a few quiet afternoons in front of the fire catching up on books and TV!

thank your lucky stars you aren't me, op

ds1 is a ref

ds2 plays for an academy, trains 3 evenings a week and plays all over the country every weekend

dh is a coach and a ref

and I hate football too!!

Op if you enjoy books and you'd like some insight into what makes us tick, I recommend Nick Hornby's Fever Pitch. It must be 20-odd years old now but it's well written, funny, poignant and will take you right inside the crazy, twisted place that is the mind of a football fan. (I wouldn't bother with the film though which is crap )

So, how about you have Sunday as your day with your parents in the summer when cricket is on, and Saturday as your day with your parents in the winter when football is on? So you still have one family day possibility per weekend whatever the season? Just a thought!

ssd!

My favourite football book is called The Miracle of Castel di Sangro, about a small town Italian club who suddenly hit the big time, well worth a read.

I've been arguing with the op but I don't agree either with suggestions that she move her own arrangements to fit in. I think she should do something she enjoys while they're at the football.

Husband needs to pull his weight with family stuff and at some point, their daughter will need to rethink her schedule. It shouldn't be falling to the op to slot everything in.

I think regardless of the hobby, if it fucks up so much family time it needs to be readdressed. The fact that football is on my Room 101 list is incidental to that.

I think you need to tell him the pissing about with chips and sauntering is wasting time and that if the sodding game is so important to go watch it and ditch the rest of the crap. Means you get a morning as a family at least. And for those blathering in about uncles and grandmas, they're extended family and not the ones dealing with the grind that the OP is.

DH does pull his weight generally in the practical sense tbf, but the organising side of it is me.

This weekend they are out both days with 2 matches and the club kids party. My parents really like to see DD (I know they are a bit inflexible but they are old and have no-one else so I cut them more slack than I might otherwise) so we're going over on Friday evening, which was going to be putting up the Christmas tree and 'girly night' - that DD has requested.

We've got to squeeze in doing the tree on Saturday in between them coming home and me going out to my work do, and the only night I potentially had free to do wrapping/Christmas prep is now going to be girly night so will have to fit wrapping in elsewhere (probably while they are at the footy tbf, but it's not how I usually do it, which I get is me being inflexible!).

We're having her best friend for a sleepover in a couple of weekends time, and have got her coming over later than she usually would because there's yet another game that day.

DH is going to an away game on Boxing Day while me and DD go to my parents, and there's yet another game on New Year's Day.

We have one football-free weekend all month!

My recommendations:
Don't put up the tree.
Don't do the wrapping.
Don't do anything 'responsible' while they're at the game.
I would step back and make them sort it out. And if they don't and you end up with no tree, so what?

It sounds as if your daughter's schedule is creaking under all these activities and maybe it's time for her to decide what she wants to prioritise. But I don't think this should be presented as, 'do you still want to go to football?' I think it should be, 'you seem to have too much on your plate, what do you think you should drop?'

Away games are taking the piss.

I'm not about to throw a hissy fit to DH and DD but AIBU to be silently(ish) seething about how much this is getting in the way of life in general atm

YANBU: and it gets in the way of everyone's lives. The frightful institution of football crowds out just about every other sport going. Instead of a variety of sports being played and organised people and communities, we have what is simply big business fleecing money off people to stand around watching the overprivileged kicking a ball around in silly shirts. Football crowds out so much other good sport, that only government funding makes half of those other sports viable.

Glad I've left the UK for a country where people actually play sport are interested in sports other than football.

At least it's a local team and not premiership.

Have you ever considered going along to a couple of matches each season

I think you need to tell him the pissing about with chips and sauntering is wasting time and that if the sodding game is so important to go watch it and ditch the rest of the crap.

The crap is part of it, including the sauntering. Once hobbies are reduced to the bare essentials, they're sort of... not fun (which I guess would be the hidden agenda here). "Instead, I want you to spend your afternoon with me, the person who is saying you've got to ditch all the [fun] crap peripheral bits." I honestly do get that it's infuriating for people who don't like football, but that would be a real killjoy response.

I think I would be inclined to suggest that your DD skips, what, every third or fourth fixture, maybe? to give you some windows of extra time with her. And if your MIL insists on buying her a season ticket for next season, and your DD agrees, make it very clear that DD will only be attending about 70% of the games (or whatever percentage you feel is appropriate). Does that sound like something you could compromise on?

Honestly, I'm sympathetic - our weekends have been governed by football on the television for 12 years - but I would have loved to have something like this to look back on in my childhood. (Though it sounds like you offer a lovely alternative!)

Actually, that hidden agenda comment sounds snarky. Sorry, it wasn't. It was a bit more about procrastinatorgeneral's comment, but even then it wasn't meant to be snarky, just recognising that she is understandably exasperated by football so might be a bit uncompromising... I'm not sure I'm making this any better so I'll just slink off...

My 2 go to football lessons (?) twice a week. Their friend is in a team and plays / practices 6 times a week to the exclusion of any other type of extra curricular activity. Even games console games are only ever football ones.

I have to say, i would find this slightly worrying if my two excluded even entertaining the idea of a different type of activity - swimming, music, cubs.

We have one football-free weekend all month!

I'd love one weekend a month free of football

And if mil mentions it again - or indeed goes ahead and buys the ticket - then get upset and say 'look we've discussed this - dd doesn't want a season ticket, I think that's a really unkind thing to do to somebody, buy them something they have expressly asked you not to get them, especially when you are supposed to love them. If you get it, it will be a waste of money because I've already told dd that she doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to, if mil wants to pay for an empty seat rather than a present you would enjoy then that's her look out.'

Lovely bit of emotional blackmail, and outright cruelty. A top pairing, well done.

YANBU to hate football. But I don't think a fortnightly football match is the problem here (taking your point that there are more with Boxing Day and NYD). I think the fact that you spend every Sunday doing things for your parents is. This needs to be scaled back. If you do shopping for them, can they (or you) arrange online deliveries instead? Can they have a cleaner if you clean for them? Can you get to them in the week instead or do you work? I realise it depends on your parents' financial situation, but I don't think you should be asking your DH and DD to sacrifice an interest when there could be alternatives.

As for secondary school, it depends on the school, but my son can easily fit in his hobbies around homework, he's currently in year 8 so that will change but currently there would no problem with him doing something every Sat afternoon or every other Sat afternoon.