to think that IF you are a regular facebook user ...

[manicinsomniac]

, and let's face it, more people probably are these days than not, it is completely normal to be craving attention and approval with what you post? That may well be a bad thing but everybody on facebook still seems to be at it.

Why do so many people try to put others down (on mn specifically, I haven't seen it much in real life) about the way they use facebook? So many threads (not just today's) that condemn people for 'bragging' 'stealth posting' 'attention seeking' 'boring people' 'being superior' 'being pfb' 'going on and on and on about your kids' 'making out your life is so great' etc etc etc. I don't understand what these critical people do on facebook that mean they see all of this but apparently commit none of these crimes themselves and find it pathetic/laughable/annoying. If it's that appalling to them why are they still using the site?

I agree that posting your entire life for public viewing is probably is a very negative phenomenon. But it's here to stay. I think the way we communicate and the way we respond to what is going on in our own lives has been changed forever by facebook. I'm a deeply insecure person and, although I hate to admit it, it has now genuinely become the case that my enjoyment of an exciting event, funny moment or achievement is actually made greater by posting about it on facebook and getting likes and comments. I have a rule to myself that what I post has to be either entertaining, interesting or informative to at least a few people (ie no pictures of my dinner!) but, other than that, I am a shameless attention and approval hunter. If I think of a good comment I will post it while I am out supposedly enjoying what I am posting about. That is pathetic, I am aware of that. But I assume, from what I see on my newsfeed every day, that almost every other facebook user is suffering from the same modern curse.

Obviously note everyone is interested by everything somebody posts. I personally, don't really want to read about what someone is cooking, that someone's child threw up or that someone has checked in to a pub. But I assume that many people don't want to see my photos of the set of my latest school production or read my experiences at my latest dance class or my rants about 'insert X view here'. But I know (and see) that somebody seems to be interested in everything. And that validates everyone to keep doing it.

Am I wrong that so many people do this? Are the majority of mn users really so different? Anyone else care to admit to seeking validation for their lives via social media??

I know maybe three people that don't do this ever - two because they are self confident and genuinely happy with their own lives and too busy to go posting about it. The third because she is very unhappy with her life and it upsets her to see what others are doing/have (even though she knows it's exaggerated, contrived and/or rose tinted). And none of those people use facebook at all.

hefzl I have liked several cat video pages so my news feed is full of them. I sit laughing away at cats trying to love dogs or cats and Xmas trees and dp just looks at me and says "it's a cat video, isn't it?" :o

My favourite is the cat jumping into about three feet of snow and just leaving a cartoon like cat shape. Kills me every time.

I need more funny cat videos in my life 😜

I get what you mean OP. I personally don’t see much point in having FB if you don’t use it. I too know those judgemental people that say ‘Oh you’re always updating your FB.’ Erm, actually, I post on average once or twice a week and it’s mainly just photos or results from competitions (for my hobby) I enter.

The people that say that granted, never post on FB, however, they’re bloody ‘online’ All. The. Time and ‘liking’ certain individuals’ posts. So, they won’t ever post themselves but they spend a hell of a lot of time on there which, IMO makes them no more ‘superior’ than someone who posts once or twice a week?

We’ve all got those FB friends that either post attention seeking selfies twice a day or update several times a day, every minute detail of their lives and I can understand that getting criticism as I’ve had to unfollow these type of people, but someone posting a couple of times a week, I don’t get the ‘Oh god, you’re ALWAYS posting on FB :Eye roll: ‘ attitudes. If no one ever posted on Facebook, there wouldn’t be anything for anyone to see, no?

Hmm I think if you need validation via fb you probably need counselling. I only have it to communicate with friends who live abroad. Not for attention!

OP I don't think lexi is being attention seeking. It's normal social interaction.
So, let's imagine FB removes the like button completely. Would it change how I use it? No.
Maryz I think the view of they are not your real friends is probably true of how FB used to be. But I agree with a PP who said FB is evolving. I am very choosy about who I accept or make friends requests of. Yes, my friends on FB are my real friends.
I have a disability which is rare and through FB I have connected with others who have the same condition - due to its rarity we are geographically spread far and wide - but that does not belie how much we value each other's friendship and support. So actually I have more valuable friendships because of FB.
OP - I also use FB as a diary, a record of how my life is unfolding, and a reminder of how lucky I am. My dad died last year but FB gives me reminders of things we did together and the fun we had. Those small details do get lost but FB allows me to remember what I have appreciated.

I closed down my FB account at the end of August and genuinely don't miss people's news and photos. I wasn't addicted and didn't struggle when I closed it down but did miss it - interestingly though mainly for something to do/scroll through while waiting for someone or waiting for a train, during a couple of minutes down time etc, not for the missing news and info.

I had struggled with some aspects over the last year or so, but the issue that really tipped me over the edge was when I kept seeing posts about /photos of events I hadn't been invited to or didn't know about. I am quite a confident person with a wide circle of friends and certainly DON'T expect to be invited to everything, but found these posts every weekend (it felt like) a real kick in the teeth and I would be happier not knowing what people were up to and if I'd been excluded (possibly rightly, but still not there).

I find catching up with people now really interesting as I genuinely don't have much of a clue what's going on in their day to day lives (obviously except if we've exchanged newsy emails or texts) and I haven't seen their photos so that means we chat from the beginning of a story, rather than 'oh I went on holiday', 'yes I saw your pictures' I went scuba diving', 'yes I saw that photo' etc (crap example, but hope you know what I mean). It really doesn't matter to me if people met up without me, its nice to hear about it without it being shoved in my face.

I do miss local business info - we have a local sewing shop that runs classes and I keep missing the info as they don't have an email distribution/website, just post on their FB page when booking opens, and I have also missed all the info about our local Christmas market as that seems to solely be on FB too. Sometimes I miss kids' photos at Brownies and Beavers (private pages) but I have asked my DH to join these pages so that he can let me know if there's a photo posted.

Would you consider a couple of weeks down time, maybe over the Christmas holidays to help you re-evaluate things? Possibly consider how you feel taking that Christmas photo of your kids on Christmas eve or Christmas day knowing its for your family album and your own private memories and not for your wider FB audience.

I find I've a lot more spare time now, not just because I'm not posting/browsing, but because its freed up head space too! I feel more centered and happy within myself without it - it had got toxic for me.

I think I'm with Manic here. My self esteem isn't dependent on FB but I do like positive responses to posts/pictures - who doesn't? I use FB because since I became a parent, had less money and moved away from most of my friends, I don't see them or speak to them as much as I'd like - I have new friends closer by but FB means I keep in touch with old friends and with cousins so that when we do meet up in the flesh there's no awkward ten minute catch up, we all know what's been going on in each other's lives (in superficial terms at least) and we can launch into chats about the nitty gritty stuff that we wouldn't share publicly. I also hear about gigs, get recommendations for new ands, films, books, arts events via people that are not close friends but are acquaintances with similar tastes who are more in the loop than me. I have had to hide a (very) few folk who post too much or turn out to be bigots, but in the main most people I know on FB are entertaining and/or informative so I don't get the angst I see on here.

I do think there's a lot of showing off on FB - eg the photos of dinner parties and "so #blessed to have such lovely friends" not-so-stealth boasting.

But I find it useful for staying in touch with what's going on locally (I do follow various Twitter feeds but it's not the same, and they often link back to FB anyway) and discussion groups for my hobbies and local area. It's also an easy and quick way of keeping in touch with far-flung family and friends. So although I agree that it can be detrimental to one's self-esteem at times, i wouldn't deactivate my account. I have had a friend cull though - my test is "if I saw this person in town while shopping, would I stop to chat to them"? If not, I cull.

Why do you 'like' all your family posts if they aren't always that interesting OP?