To still want to send a present?

[IdrisElbasJacket]

Relationship with sil broke down over a year ago- me and dh had always had a close bond with her dd's. I won't go into the full backstory but the wider family have agreed that we weren't in the wrong and sil is becoming increasingly volatile and has fallen out with other relations since too.
we've now been told by other family members not to send her dd's Xmas presents - she won't be given them anything from us and won't be sending anything to our newborn.
I wasn't expecting anything for our child as sil doesn't know them, but we've quite close to her children and they are older (although not adults). I asked if anyone would pass on a gift but they don't want to get involved.
I don't want her children to think that we've forgotten about them this Xmas and equally sil has a way of twisting the truth so if we didn't get a gift to them it would enviable become 'they left my children out' etc.

I understand why you want to.

But if she has said she won't give them the present, I don't see the point.

Are they old enough that you can send it to the house with their name on and hope they get it first?

Won't that just cause more trouble in the long run?

What a sad situation. Can you send them a card each, in their name (someone else's handwriting on the envelope)? And you could put aside the money you would have spent on presents for a future treat for them. Or put in a savings account for them? At some point they'll be old enough to be able to keep in touch with you independently.

Thanks we've said if there was no other way then we would put the money aside and pass on when they are old enough to have it.
Didn't know whether that was a cop out- I think if we sent anything directly to her house it would cause more arguments.

I would set aside the money for when they're older and she's unable to control the situation. As an aside, I often think when people use their DCs to hurt relatives like this it stinks and they ought to be read the riot act by every other relative. Going NC with adults is one thing. Removing loving, caring relations from your DCs lives is another thing entirely and serves no purpose.

If you put the money to one side, put it in a Christmas Card and date it so when you do get chance to pass it on they can see that you thought about them every year.

Completely agree Musk although I'm not surprised she has form for doing this with her ex also its so sad for the children.