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Original poster

WWYD birthday party

54 replies

MrsSocks · 28/11/2015 23:27

I know this is one of the oldest problems in the book but it is causing me no end of worry and I would like some opinions;

DS is 5 in the new year. We have a local outdoor pursuits centre that offer children's parties and he wants to have a birthday party there. They have an adjoining cafe and the whole party can be housed there, with the children getting instructor led pursuits and party food for a reasonable price. Max number 12 children. DS is extremely sociable and is only in his first term of reception so although has his 'best' friends it is all very new. We live in a small community though and I know all parents in the class incredibley well. DS has a firm list in his mind of who he wants to invite. This leaves children of who's parents I am particularly friendly with out of the party. WWYD? Do I go ahead with DS's invite list knowing that close friends, who consider my DS as one of their children's close friends, will be left out? Do I knock some of DSs choices off the list to allows others to come to avoid fall outs or do I scrap the party idea in favour of something that could involve the whole class (twenty odd)?

OP posts:
Narp · 29/11/2015 07:25

I agree with Maryz

But then I could never bring myself to have whole class parties either, so my son's Birthday parties were either very small, or we celebrated as a family by having a trip somewhere.

IwishIwasinNewYork · 29/11/2015 07:32

Change venue, invite the whole class.

It's not being a 'wimp' as a PP said.

It's pretty standard to invite the whole class until the kids are year 3 or 4.

Pranmasghost · 29/11/2015 08:01

Whole class party and a visit to the activity separately for just him and one or two closest friends.

Dancergirl · 29/11/2015 08:50

Change his choice of party to please YOUR friend?? Madness IMO. Who's the party about - your ds or your friends?

It's absolutely fine to invite 12 out of 20 and the party sounds lovely. It's only in recent years whole class parties have become a thing. You are assuming these friends will be offended if their dc aren't invited. It's quite possible that they'll breathe a sigh of relief at one less party to attend, less present buying and running around.

I would talk to your friends and explain about the limited numbers. Most people are understanding about this sort of thing.

Original poster
MrsSocks · 29/11/2015 08:53

Thanks everyone. Lots to weigh up. Thankfully nothing booked yet so we have a bit of time to think things over

OP posts:
WillSomebodyThinkOfStefan · 29/11/2015 09:00

I really wouldn't do it at this age - far too young to be deciding a defined friendship group and will likely back-fire and lead to tears later when he isn't invited to his new best friends party.

NoahVale · 29/11/2015 09:08

i think it is too early for him to know his friends. and if you can a whole party seems a good option

NoahVale · 29/11/2015 09:19

my ds had a whole class party 15 years ago, how recent is recent

Dancergirl · 29/11/2015 09:30

So what if his of friendships change later as they probably will? Children live in the moment, these are his friends NOW.

Not inviting the whole class to his party won't stop future friendships forming.

Dancergirl · 29/11/2015 09:32

It also depends on budget, not everyone can afford to do a whole class party and there shouldn't be pressure to do so.

hannibalismisunderstood · 29/11/2015 09:51

We had a whole class party for dds 6th birthday last week as they had switched classes around and she hadn't settled into one particular friendship group.... we hired the village hall and did the music, games and food ourselves. The hall cost £45, food around £30 including tea and coffee for parents who stayed, and party bag stuff around £25 (plain white bags that they decorated themselves) ....

We ended up with over 35 kids there all running wild and having a fab time! (Including a couple we didn't know she had invited from the year above who she played with at breakfast club!) Dd loved it and loads of people said it was ace!

Next year (she will be in year 2) we are doing a small activity based one as she'll know who she wants there....

balletgirlmum · 29/11/2015 10:11

At 5 my dd d finally knew who he is friends were.

We were never in a position back then to have whole class parties so we always invited approx 12 friends plus 2 cousins & ususlly had approx 8-12 children attend.

Enjolrass · 29/11/2015 10:25

It's only in recent years whole class parties have become a thing.

No it's not. Everyone had whole class parties when I was at school, so 30 years ago.

Smaller parties were only the norm when I got about 7.

SummerNights1986 · 29/11/2015 10:31

It also depends on budget, not everyone can afford to do a whole class party

IME whole class parties have been much cheaper than inviting 12 friends to a £ per head type party.

All of the leisure centres in my County do a standard 1 hour party package for £65 (up to 30 dc) which is either bouncy castle/roller skating or disco/swimming in their sports hall. You get free invites, free squash for during the activity and can have free hire of an additional room if you want to provide a buffet for afterwards.

Any activity/soft play type parties seem to be at least £10 a head, and some much more...so the equivalent of only inviting 6 other dc (or in many scenarios even less if you have siblings to include in the number).

MissDuke · 29/11/2015 10:59

I have to disagree with the majority here. If ds really does have his heart set on this one activity, then do it. There is absolutely no way that all children in his class will have whole class parties - so you tell ds 'sorry to disappoint but we cannot do that activity we want because it would be unkind to leave any children out' - but then how many parties will he be excluded from afterwards? Quite a few I bet, how would that leave him feeling? I would present two options to him, explain your rationale, and let him decide.

My ds genuinely doesn't like to leave anyone out so we have always done big leisure centre parties, however had he wanted to do something different, I definitely would have let him. To be honest my ds is never aware of other parties happening and never even knows when parties are that he is invited to - they never seem to be talked about in class here.

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2015 11:09

It's only in recent years whole class parties have become a thing.

That's my experience too.

I'm not sure how I would have felt as a child, or how my kids would have felt if they were forced to have one.

balletgirlmum · 29/11/2015 11:15

Our parties were always held at home (or my parents house) at that age so 15 was the max we could accommodate but when we did a wacky warehouse party it worked out cheaper for £7 including food for 12 children.

Dancergirl · 29/11/2015 12:54

If ds really does have his heart set on this one activity, then do it

Yes exactly. If birthday child is not that fussed one way or another then you could consider something else. But it sounds like he's really keen on doing this activity with a small group of friends. It's a bit mean IMO not to let him to it because of what people may or may not think. If they are true friends they will understand, if not it doesn't matter.

hefzi · 29/11/2015 13:18

He's in reception: find something the whole class can do, and explain to your son that it's kind to invite everyone to parties. Just explain that the outdoors event place doesn't have enough space, but perhaps another year it will be possible - or maybe plan to take him there for a day well before his birthday (so it can't be misconstrued as a birthday party by other people) with a couple of little friends and have tea in the cafe, if he's really disappointed.

hefzi · 29/11/2015 13:20

It's only in recent years whole class parties have become a thing.

No it's not. Everyone had whole class parties when I was at school, so 30 years ago.

^^ This. I started school in '78, and whole class parties where the norm for pre-prep (so 4-8). My youngest brother is over ten years younger than me, and it was the same in his school years too. It was more or less a given - you're giving invites out at school, you include everyone.

Tottyandmarchpane1 · 29/11/2015 13:25

I agree, I was born in 1977 and whole class parties until we were 7ish were definitely a thing. Not at all recent. My DD was 6 this year and we did one (although will be the last year) and had great fun.

RubbleBubble00 · 29/11/2015 13:30

I always do whole class the first couple of years of school as they fall in and out of friendships as they get to know each other. But my parents always did whole class parties for me as did most of my friends, usually church hall with loads of games and some music, nothing fancy.

it's a difficult situation if you are that close to parents in the class. Could you have a whole class party and then take him and a friend to do the outdoor pursuits together as a birthday present/treat a different time. I know u should be going with what he wants but he won't have to deal with stroppy parents in the class if they are as you described.

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2015 13:45

Class parties have always existed, but ime they've only become a 'thing' or the 'norm', in recent years.

Perhaps it's area dependant though, I don't know.

BackforGood · 29/11/2015 15:28

It's pretty standard to invite the whole class until the kids are year 3 or 4

Not in my world, it's not.
I have 3 teen dc, and - although they've been invited to a lot of parties between them over the younger years, I could count on one hand the parties where the whole class were invited. That's one hand between the 3 of them. Very, unusual IME.
Maybe it's a geographical thing?

Dancergirl · 29/11/2015 18:00

Yes maybe back I was born in 1972 and don't remember any whole class parties at all.

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