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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd's birthday party....

33 replies

MagicFinger · 28/11/2015 19:21

DD is turning 5 and having a whole class party.

One parent had replied informing me her DS is allergic to dairy and that this means no cheese, butter, chocolate or ice cream... Cake might be OK as long as it doesn't have filling and we don't make a chocolate cake.

The parent says she doesn't want to put us out. Aibu to think the parent should provide some separate food which her DS can eat?

OP posts:
greenfolder · 28/11/2015 19:25

Well there will be plenty of stuff her kid can eat at your bog standard party. I would reply saying there will be dairy free stuff but you can't guarantee to supervise her child every second and if she is not confident the kid will self regulate she might like to stay.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 28/11/2015 19:28

DD had a dairy free friend. Mom sent a packed lunch. Common sense.

Bryna · 28/11/2015 19:32

My dd has got a dairy free friend, mum sent sandwiches and then she ate what she could from the 'regular' food

Bigpants4 · 28/11/2015 19:33

So the child can have ham sandwiches, crisps, sausages, juice, jelly, frut, veg.

Original poster
MagicFinger · 28/11/2015 19:35

No butter in the sandwiches though, so do I make none of them with butter/cheese/cream cheese? Or make a separate selection for him?

OP posts:
Doilooklikeatourist · 28/11/2015 19:39

The parent needs to send their own food , and then sit and watch like a hawk to make sure the child doesn't eat anything he shouldn't
YANBU

Hobbitfeet32 · 28/11/2015 19:39

Don't over complicate things. No need to do a dairy free cake. Just do some sandwiches like tuna or ham with no butter and make sure there is a dairy free dessert for him like a jelly or something. Fruit, salad, crisps (except cheese flavour) will be fine and have some sweets available for party game prizes as oppose to all chocolate. Or ask the parents what sort of party food he'll eat.

WhetherOrNot · 28/11/2015 19:39

Use Pure for replacement butter.

d270r0 · 28/11/2015 19:40

I really wouldn't bother making a special cake. Make what you'd normally make, if you want her to have something you could buy her a dairy free one from the supermarket, easy to find something in the dairy/gluten free area. Ham/egg/jam sandwiches fine, just don't add margarine. Most other stuff should be fine, crisps might have a bit of dairy etc. in, some do, some don't. If her mum will be there she can supervise, just give her the container with no margarine sandwiches and maybe dairy free cake. She can pick bits out from the other stuff.

DancingDinosaur · 28/11/2015 19:42

I'd just make sure there was a mix of things the child could eat. No great hardship.

GardeningWithDynamite · 28/11/2015 19:43

My DD was dairy free (now outgrown). We took food to parties so she'd have something to eat. The problem is that with most food you can't tell if it's dairy free just by looking at it. Depending on how allergic he is you're probably best asking the parent to stay anyway.

If you want to include the DS without too much hassle, and if you're doing sandwiches, then you could use Pure or Vitalite as spread (both dairy free and taste the same as normal. Ham or jam sandwiches should be ok.

Sausage rolls are usually ok unless brushed with milk.

We always stuck to ready salted crisps because some of the "meat" flavours and salt and vinegar can have dairy in them (obviously the cheese curl type ones do too).

You can bake with Pure/Vitalite too, so if you wanted to do cupcakes that were dairy free I'm sure they'd appreciate that. It depends how accommodating you want to be or how risk averse they are. It is a pain if you're not used to having to read the ingredients on everything.

CombineBananaFister · 28/11/2015 19:43

I would do what you're going to do and in a show of accomodatingness maybe buy one specific treat for them if budget allows. It is a long held view in my son's peer group that dietaryrequirements at a party are the responsibilty of that childs parent not the host. Mainly for safety/confusion reasons.

BarbarianMum · 28/11/2015 19:44

I'd keep stuff separate, if you're going to cater for him. Or you can buy dairy-free margarine in the supermarket (look for Pure range) and use it on all of them. You can bake with it too.
Personally I'd provide separate food for him - plain crisps, sandwiches, cake or biscuits from the Free From section, fruit. Job done.

formerbabe · 28/11/2015 19:46

I'd ask the parent to supervise their child and what they're eating as you will be busy...but they don't need to bring their own. Theres plenty of kids party food that I'm sure would be fine...crisps, breadsticks, sausages, plain ham sandwiches without butter, fruit, popcorn, jelly, carrot sticks etc etc

happydollplease · 28/11/2015 19:47

My Dd's best friend is allergic to dairy (carries an epi pen). His mum offered to bring a pack up for him but I catered for him anyway.

I'd do all the sandwhich non butter (I do this all the time as I don't eat butter anyway). Ham, jam, egg, tuna maybe?

I did crisps, jelly, haribo, marshmallows, cocktail sausages, sandwiches, party rings, fruit and veg etc. Cake was a cheap asda boxed one and he could eat it as it didn't have butter in it.

GiraffeHouse · 28/11/2015 19:48

She being silly if she expects you to change everything for one child.
DS had a friend come who had dairy and egg allergy. Her mum let me know and immediately said she would bring a separate piece of cake. All I did was make some of the ham sandwiches without any butter for her and everything else was dairy free anyway.

Cookiecake · 28/11/2015 19:54

My DS has an egg and milk allergy and most of the time we took food. It was lovely though when people made the effort. Some people didn't even ask about it so we didn't have any option but to take stuff.

Personally I would put things to the side for this child such as fruit and crisps etc. I think dairy free cake is not really necessary as it is a bit too much effort when you have everything else to organise.

TimeToMuskUp · 28/11/2015 19:54

We have a couple of DS1's friends with food allergies, I always made them their own packed lunch separately then did everything else on trays for parties. No dairy doesn't mean no dairy for everyone.

Pipestheghost · 28/11/2015 19:56

Just make him a seperate sandwich.

glentherednosedbattleostrich · 28/11/2015 19:57

Ask mum to provide some marg. Have you thought about doing little packed lunch boxes? Less waste and easy for kids with allergies. Also, think about a dairy free cupcake for the cake for the child to take home rather than limiting your cake choice.

zoobaby · 28/11/2015 20:02

Some of the small fairy cakes at the supermarket are dairy free. Or maybe look in the "free from" section for a couple of little treats.

meganlilly89 · 28/11/2015 20:03

My dd is allergic to dairy.. When invited to a party I let them know in the acceptance text/phone call and ask if they can let me know what food is going to be so I can make her a packed lunch of similar foods which are dairy free. I also take my own little cake for her. Some parents say they will cater for her and some don't. It's lovely when people do make the effort and makes my little girl feel included she is so happy. You would be surprised what 'normal' food is dairy free.

In your case if you text me and said I have x,y & z that is dairy free. I am also doing this food would you be able to provide something similar for your child I would be more than happy to do so. I wouldn't expect you to change all the food dairy free

monkeyfacegrace · 28/11/2015 20:05

I just used vitalite in the birthday cake, used it for sandwiches (and did ham, cheese or jam), make sure there's fruit (grapes, berries, pineapple), little jellies, and usual biscuits etc for everyone else.

It doesn't have to be a big deal.

reni2 · 28/11/2015 20:05

We never had a diary free kid, but had vegetarian, pork-free, egg-free. I made a normal kid's party spread and printed little pictures with a chicken, pig, egg etc and put them on each platter with a toothpick. I did tell the parents I won't be supervising each child so if they didn't trust theirs they'd have to do that themselves.

Worked really well and was a discrete way for the kids, too, nobody had to announce and discuss their dietary needs and wants with the whole class. Could you do something like that with milk bottle so the child knows what not to touch?

diddl · 28/11/2015 20:09

Perhaps if you put here what food you were thinking of doing then people could suggest how to make it dairy free or alternatives if you want to be as inclusive as possible?

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