To want to (partly) choose what to buy her myself

[WhitePhantom]

Hi all, I know the gift is about the recipient, but isn't it a bit about the giver too?

My dsis emailed me to ask what my dc would like for Christmas so I gave her some suggestions. I'd rather pick out my own pressies for her dc but said I'd check in case there was something specific. So she said very specific pressies including just vouchers for her eldest.

I replied to say I'd do that but also wanted to pick out something myself and that I love picking out pressies. So she replied to say no, just vouchers for eldest.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off? I feel that it takes some of the enjoyment out of giving if I'm being dictated to like this.

I really like being allowed to choose my own presents. I am always on a stretched budget and by being allowed to choose my presents over many years (decades really) I've managed to build up the bits for a small photography business, which I never could have had otherwise.

At least your dsis asked what your kids want.....
my dsis asks for money or vouchers for hers, which i get as i've learnt they moan about the gift if i buy one.....and she doesn't ask about my kids who then get things they have no interest in, or don't fit etc....
Christmas is a minefield!

Dd has been getting Amazon vouchers from pil, since she got her kindle. Two years ago.

She loves it. She can buy books as and when she wants to. It's also taught her to look after her money. Her amazing account isn't empty and she thinks about purchases (books or something off the site) she also looks for the best deal on amazon.

She order some markers the other day a few sellers had them at slightly different prices and postage rates. She took time choosing it.

She is more responsible with her pocket money too now.

I cants see how vouchers are a cop out. It means she can have books all year, rather than asking me to buy it. It's her choice.

"I think the joy in gift giving for children is seeing them open something they really want not the fun of me choosing something."

This ^^

I actually dont think yABU, as ur sis said vouchers and you plan on getting vouchers....if you want to add something in as a surprise extra then I would think that was a lovely thing to do. My best mates boy was saving for a certain Lego thing last birthday and asked me (very politely) if id mind helping him get it with Lego vouchers....i gave the normal amount in vouchers which made him very happy, but bought a random thing I thought he'd like as an extra, as I like seeing them upwrap stuff wont even deny my selfish enjoyment Funnily enough though, the Lego thing is old news now, but he still plays with the surprise gift total boast on my awesome present buying
I think as long as you respect what they have asked for, a bonus extra isn't a bad thing!

YANBU

Your sister has said that nothing you could possibly think to give will be worth giving house room too. You are only good for cash. That's pretty insulting.

My SIL's given us a list of things the nephlings like but that's a guide not an instruction and I've used my imagination - part of the fun of Xmas.

Thanks for all the replies! Rhi, that's pretty much what it feels like alright .

I told her I'd like to add my own little pressie, along with the voucher, and was told "x would like all of her pressie to be a voucher, y is happy to have a surprise as part of her pressie". The thing I'd actually seen was a funny mug for x that ties in with a hobby she has but now I feel like I've "been told" - sis expects people to do as she tells them...

I wish I'd just got it and not mentioned it at all. If I get it now, I feel like I'm doing it just to make point after being told not to

I totally agree.

If I ask, and I rarely do, what I look for is a general idea. Craft, something to do with dinosaurs etc.
Something you choose for them. And you are often thinking differently so may choose something that they'd never have thought of.

Some of dh's family like to tell you everything down to where to get it and what catalogue number it is. And it's also a way the can try and ensure you are paying 4x the price they do...

SIL does this every year. Asks what the kids would like, gets a list of reasonably priced options and spends a fortune on stuff they havent asked for/dont like/wont wear. Its disappointing for the kids, wastes her time and money and then our time exchanging them. I really dont get it- with her its almost like an arrogance though like well I dont think what they want it worth it, I will get x y and z

OP

I think your idea is a good one -vouchers because she has asked for them. Small surprise gift as well.

My Ds adores picking things with money / vouchers...We don't have a big family so he doesn't tend to get them. He knows what he bought though with vouchers from who and associates that present with that person.. I would like to buy my ds clothes..but would not bother without him there..He will hate anything I buy..

I really appreciate the people who I can say What would he like and buy it

"Your sister has said that nothing you could possibly think to give will be worth giving house room too. You are only good for cash. That's pretty insulting"

I think you are massively overthinking this. I take it that you don't have to buy for teenagers then.

My oldest nephlings is 10 so not yet teenage but I remember being one. Yes, you want the things on your list but that's not the only part of Christmas.

Also the daughter may be only focused on what she receives buts the OP's sister is an adult and could help her to understand how to receive a present graciously.

One year my sister got a loo roll holder (my aunt thought it was for keeping bracelets on) and was still polite!

Many teenagers wouldn't want a mug. Girls always seem to do worse than boys. My DS and our nephews tend to get vouchers from everyone.

My DD as the only girl (8 boys) gets gifts as the aunts 'love' to buy gifts for girls and they have no girls. She gets loads of crap quite frankly most of which goes straight to charity. Examples are boots hair straighteners (she already has GHDs) hairdryer (she already has a GHD one), boots toiletry sets (she has eczema and can't use them), clothes (she isn't 35 and doesn't want clothes from Next etc).

I always feel sorry for her, the boys get to have fun spending their vouchers or cash and she gets to pack up her 'gifts' to donate to charity. So I end up 'buying' them from her and giving them to charity.

She always smiles and thanks them but my heart sinks then I see yet another boots 3 for 2 item coming out of the parcel.

febreeeze you have clarified why my DD would rather get vouchers or money.

Hot water bottle with covers and/or mini hand warmers. My DD must have been given at least 10 over the years. We have a family hot water bottle which hasn't been used since they were at primary school. No-one wants a hot water bottle as a gift no matter how pink and lovely and girly its is.

Should add my DD hates pink so thats always another issue- the gifts are very pink and purple, she like blue and green.

I must admit I agree with most of the comments.. if you wanted to get what you wanted then you shouldn't have asked. I love giving gifts and I love thinking about what to get ppl but some ppl are hard to buy for so I ask. My nephew is only 4 and is super easy! He loves disney and ninja turtles but you could get him a simple cat and he would be happy! He's at a very easy age, I never ask for ideas for him but I do check with my brother incase he already has it and my brother never tells me what to get him cos he doesn't need to.. my niece on the other hand I ask cos she is rather hard to buy for!! She's not a girly girl at all so a girl her age might like make up or clothes she doesn't. . She's really hard to buy for! In the past when I've asked I've been given specific dvd titles that I'd never have even looked at or specific books that I honestly didn't think she was into.. like nothing matches lol so I'm happy to ask them for ideas. My friends are all easy and I don't tend to ask them for ideas and they don't tend to ask me.. family my mum asks me and she asks for my son even tho she's very very capable of picking loverly gifts she likes to check to see what I'm getting and sometimes goes with the theme or gets some ideas :-) with my mum it's more confidence and she likes to check there's nothing you really really want. So yeah in future don't ask if you wanna do your own thing, I know it's nice to do your own thing as I myself enjoy it and if you feel you don't need ideas then don't ask that's what I do :-) xxx

P.s and not to be mea but some ppl aren't good at gift picking but think they are.. my ex's mum liked to buy you a massive bag of crap from the pound land cos it looked like she got you loads but it was all rubbish.. if you asked her for something or said I'd really like this for Xmas she hated it, she only ever spent about a tenner on us (she always claimed poverty but believe me she was just tight) she loved turned up with 10 things for you and maybe some extras if she got some good freebies off magazines etc well she thought were good lol! So one year I asked for a book for myself so I wouldn't get the bag of crap that literally all went in the bin.. she was very very annoyed with me as I messed her system up lol!! So glad I don't have to see her again xxxx

I can understand that vouchers would be easier because teenagers can be tricky to buy for but it's the way she specified only vouchers that would annoy me, as if you're not allowed to include a small individual gift as well. Gift suggestions should be just that, suggestions not orders.

You did ask, so not sure why you are upset.
Do as they ask this year, but next year make sure you avoid that conversation. IMHO it would be petty now not to buy them what they want.