To not let mil come to see newborn at hosp or visit at Xmas?

[Changeitup]

Obviously a lot of backstory to that title. You'll have read other threads under my other nc.
Overview: we cut down on contact with sil following abusive msgs and aggressive behaviour. Many people in family understood this decision-mil did not. We made it clear that family events etc we could be civil with sil but sil said she would not be civil with us even in front of dc.

Since then mil has basically sided with sil- she refused to see our baby last Xmas as sil didn't want her too. We have been lied to and not invited to family events. Mil ruined our wedding this year screaming at me leading up to it, blackmailing us to try and get us to invite sil and then refusing to speak to me on the day plus other issues- so obviously we don't have the best relationship.

Things are civil now but strained and I feel really uncomfortable around her.
I'm due to give birth anytime. The baby will need to stay in hosp at least 2 days due to checks baby needs to have. I have said to dh I think its best he tells his DM in advance that this is happening and that once we're home and settled she could see the baby then ie the day after we get out of hosp.
Dh has agreed to the plan but says he will tell her once baby's here not beforehand.

Secondly after refusing to see our dd last Xmas, mil is dropping hints she wants to visit on Xmas day to see the newborn and dd- I've said I think its too raw after what happened last Xmas and that we should arrange for Boxing Day or day after instead. I don't think after everything that's happened in the last 12 months I can happily share Xmas day with the woman.

Aibu on either/both?
I need honest involved opinions please
Thanks

Tell your family and friends, but don't tell her until you are happy to do so.

Even then, you don't have to tell her at all, she'll hear eventually, and then you can tell her that, no, you won't be accepting visits.

You don't need to tell her why, you don't need to seek her approval (which is exactly what telling her in advance is) you don't need to factor her into your thinking at all.

In fact, your collective lives would be better if you didn't have anything more to do with her.

Enough is enough

Thank you all I needed this thread its made me realised Im doing the right thing- I've been feeling almost guilty which is daft reading back the events of the last year but I will stay strong :)

If and when you ever see her again, she needs it to be made clear that at the first sign of trouble she'll be out of the door.
BUT, I wouldn't blame you if that never happened.

Change after reading your last threads.... you need to give MiL and SiL a whole lot less of your head space! The main thing that is going to help is you becoming emotionally detached. At the moment you're stressed about what MiL wants/needs/feels/ and you have always been terribly hurt when she (predictably) jumps to do whatever your highly nutty SiL demands. She will always do what SiL says. You know that.

You don't need this stress when you're about to give birth, you don't need this stress in the first few weeks setting newborn in and supporting dd as she settles to a new routine. SiL is very likely to escalate now she has a new baby to compete with so whatever you tried to plan with MiL you can bet on SiL sabotaging, and you don't want drama on Christmas day that SiL has ordered her not to turn up or given her orders on how she must treat you.

Dh sounds like he has the idea. Tell MiL the baby is here after you and baby are home. Baby arrived in such a rush but hooray, home now! Christmas day - nope, not this year sorry, not while you're recovering. Any other day you'd love to see her if she wants to pop in. And then emotionally detach. If she comes, lovely. If she starts fussing about SiL says this, and SiL says she can't come, oh well, what a pity. Don't engage, don't encourage it with attention. It's her circus, stop spending your precious energy chasing her monkeys for her!