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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask for more information or say he can't go

23 replies

Cuppachaplz · 27/11/2015 14:31

DS (12y) sees his dad every 3w, but very often his dad lets him down at the last minute, or plays games with him.
He is supposed to be going tonight, standard arrangements are that he collects him at 6. I got a message yesterday asking if he could get the train, my reply was that's fine but I am in work until 5.30 so couldn't get him on s train until after 6 at the earliest.
Later last night I then got a text saying that he could go on a scouting activity with his GF's DS if he could get there by 5. I explained again that I was in work until 5.30.
This morning, DS announced that his dad was collecting him at 4.30. I asked to speak to him as I won't be here then (so DS will be out too...). It turns out that he wanted to take him shooting and required him to lie, claim he was in the scouts (he isn't) and had forgotten his registration info. I asked for the organisers name to check re insurance as this seems dodgy, and asked if he could pick him up from my work. He went nuts but then stirred DS up too.
I've spent the day changing my work shifts etc do he can still go as DS screeching st me for 'wrecking his dad's plans' but still want the organisers details as I'm worried he's not insured if he lies.
AIBU to insist on this?

(Sorry for epic post)

OP posts:

Original poster

Cuppachaplz · 27/11/2015 16:50

Anyone?

OP posts:

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 27/11/2015 17:10

How old is DS. Assume at least 10/11 if he's ole enough for Scouts. Can't he get himself to the train!

wasonthelist · 27/11/2015 17:14

I think the way his Dad pisses around with arrangements is very U.

I don't get the bit about checking "insurance" though - what kind of insurance? For what?

WorraLiberty · 27/11/2015 17:16

If he's 12 years old, could he not just have got himself on the train?

YANBU about insurance I suppose, although it's not something I would really have considered if I'm honest.

antimatter · 27/11/2015 17:18

I would insist on ensuring my child is safe.

You've ruined his plans? At his own making for not being hones about what he was planning to do.

I would stand my ground as this is about safety first.

bellybuttonfluffy · 27/11/2015 17:18

He wanted to take him shooting... As in, shooting a gun? A 12 year old? And this is a legitimate company or some dodgy guy with guys who teaches people to shoot them?

bellybuttonfluffy · 27/11/2015 17:20

sorry,

dodgy guy with guns who teaches people.

So the scouting was a lie? There was no scouting activity?

Akire · 27/11/2015 17:21

In guiding all children are covered by its insurance full members, visitors, helpers children so presume similar to scouting.

I'm guessing the lie is to say he's part of group if asked rather than just visiting. But it's likely be one off activity so not like kids needs gun lisence.

TheWernethWife · 27/11/2015 17:22

It turns out that he wanted to take him shooting and required him to lie, claim he was in the scouts (he isn't) and had forgotten his registration

Mrs Leigh - this is what the op said - son is not in the scouts

Akire · 27/11/2015 17:26

Most guiding or scouting activities are extremely well run so I wouldn't have concerns over safety because honestly everything has loads of rules. The only thing I can think of is the booked as a group and it wouldn't look great for random people to be added on but child/visiting child to adult volunteer would be totally fine

wasonthelist · 27/11/2015 17:27

"Covered by insurance" - for what? What does it cover exactly?

GruntledOne · 27/11/2015 17:41

Presumably insurance against accidents if he goes shooting.

OP, I think you need to explain more. Is the shooting an activity with the scouts? What is the reference to registration information about? Why would another scouting group be willing to take a random child with them on an outing?

Akire · 27/11/2015 17:44

the OP was worried by lying it would affect the organisers insurance that's why I mentioned it. It covers all activity so if there was incident and said child shot a hole in wall or Hurt someone that would be no come back on her child being sued.

Likewise if another child hurts your child and worse incident scenery they had life changing injuries their insurance compo would pay out for them.
Can't see why son need to lie because leaders children/children they are responsible for are covered. More concerned about asking child to lie!

Shockers · 27/11/2015 17:49

THERE IS NO SCOUTING TRIP... IT WAS A LIE TO COVER UP THE FACT HE WAS TAKING HIS SON SHOOTING!

Osolea · 27/11/2015 17:54

I'm reading it as if there is a scouting trip, the ex's DP is involved with it, the problem is that the ds isn't a scout.

Akire · 27/11/2015 18:03

If there was no planned trip then the dad could have taken him to a proper paid for activity at any time surely?

museumum · 27/11/2015 18:05

Scouting insurance only covers members. I'm guessing he wants him to go with a genuine scout troop but pretend he is a member of the organisation through another troop.

museumum · 27/11/2015 18:07

The scout troop going are dads girlfriends sons troop so the visiting bot is not covered. Even if the gf is a helper the boy is not her son or step son legally.

Lucymatilde · 27/11/2015 18:11

But he's also his father's son so presumably he has a right to take him where he wants, just as you do.

Shockers · 27/11/2015 19:00

Ahh... you are correct Osolea.

Apologies for shouting .

Original poster

Cuppachaplz · 27/11/2015 20:49

Starting at the top, I have no problem with him catching the train, however to do so he would have to walk 3 miles across the city. Feel he is far too young for this, which was why I had said I would put him on the train after I had finished work.
Also, his ticket us 15 which I would buy at the station for him. The journey is an hour and usually I let his dad know which train he is on yo meet him (Aldo in s city centre)

The shooting was an activity run by his local scout troop. Apparently they were prepared to take him if as he would be covered by the subs paid to his local troupe, so his dad wanted him to lie and claim he attended another troop but had forgotten his uniform/reg card.

Since posting: He then backtracked and said that they'd said it didn't matter but refused to give me details of the venue or organiser do I could check it out.
He came to collect him and kicked off because he was still at school (sports fixture) and had said yo DH that they were no longer going so no need for details. Since finishing work I've tried several times to call to check they got back ok (as I always do) but no answer from either EH or DS.

Feeling totally freaked now...

OP posts:

Original poster

Cuppachaplz · 27/11/2015 20:53

lucy yes he has a right to take him where he wants, however there are restrictions on his contact as he has a history of DV and alcohol problems.

OP posts:

GnomeDePlume · 27/11/2015 21:13

I think you were wise to try and check this out.

We have experience of shooting both through cadet organisations and at a private range. In both those instances the safety was/is excellent.

If Scouts are anything like as organised as cadets (and I have no reason to think otherwise) then I would be surprised if the host Scout organisation would let him near the guns as they would have no idea if he had done his weapons handling training.

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