About wanting DH at my scan

[Helgathehairy]

I think I am being unreasonable and need a gentle slap to get over it.

I got a letter today with my scan appointment. I'm 10 weeks and the appointment is for next week. My GP referred me for an early scan as I had a miscarriage the middle of August. Provided everything shows ok on this scan it will be the only scan I have.

DH has a weeks holiday booked from 7th December.

I called him today to tell him about the scan and he started saying that he has no holiday left and he wouldn't be able to go (it's a minimum 3 hour appointment according to the letter). I reminded him that it would be the only scan and he said we can book a private one. But I want him with me for this one, I'm not usually nervous but after the miscarriage I keep thinking what would I do if they discovered at the scan that the baby had stopped growing. I told him I was nervous and could he swap one of his holidays and he said he wasn't sure

I know I'm being unreasonable but I feel a bit down after the conversation that he doesn't see the scan as important (as background, when they were together his ex had a miscarriage which was only discovered at the scan) so I think he should be a bit more understanding.

I would be upset if my DH wasn't interested in going to the scan. I would hope he would care about seeing the baby and knowing all is ok. But even if he didn't I would expect him to be there to support me.

It's not a matter of not being able to go if he hasn't even tried to get the time off. There is no harm whatsoever in asking his boss.

If he's not going away, then I think it would be very reasonable to reduce his holiday by one day to go to the scan with you.

Or perhaps, if you have an afternoon appointment, he could leave work at noon for the scan, and then begin his holiday time at mid-day on the 7th?

I do think it's important for him to be there regardless of the prior miscarriage. Scans can be stressful, even when things have been going well. I know that I was a worrywart and having DH there was very calming for me.

anotheremma that's it, the way he immediately started acting like it was a big problem before even checking with work.

Oh and thanks to everyone for your best wishes.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he was at work when you called so maybe he was in "work mode" rather than supportive husband mode! Maybe you could bring it up again tonight and let him know that you're anxious about the scan and really need his support, so you would like him to try and sort out taking the day off, or half day.

Good luck x

I think it's very important that he is there if it is at all possible. You would both feel terrible if there was a problem and he had chosen to let you deal with it alone - that would irreparably damage my relationship.

Also men should accept from the get go that their partners do not get pg by themselves - they have a responsibility to you and the child to be present as much as possible. Dont let him get into the habit of thinking that baby stuff is just your responsibility rather than a shared one!

letgo first pregnancy he was there for every appointment so he's very involved. Thank that's also why I was surprised when he almost had objections about this.

Swap the Friday or Monday of his week off if he can. Then take the day for your scan. Seems like the easiest and most sensible option.

FWIW I have had 4 miscarriages and was very anxious to have DP with me at all my scans with DC1. DC2 I was a lot more relaxed and actually went to my early scan on my own (I had 3 losses, DC1 and then another loss)

Worse case scenario find a back up person to come with you?

Good luck

Well it looks like there was a bit of a miscommunication . DH sorted it with work - he double checked and he actually had lots of holiday left so has taken the day off no problems.

Like anotheremma said, I caught him unawares when I called - he was in work mode - but pulled it together when I got off the phone.

Ah that's good! Glad it all worked out
Good luck for the scan!

Glad it's worked out.
Best of luck for the scan