birthday presents

[peppajay]

AIBU to thinking when neices/nephews get to 19 you just send cards for birthdays and stop presents? In my family when the cousins reached their 18th birthday they were given a really lovely present then cards only from 19 only so I presumed this was normal. My neice is distraught as we didn't send her anything her this year. I honestly thought she wouldn't expect anything - she is now an adult and doesn't live at home. However I will always do Xmas presents. We are not close and hubby and his sis rarely speak. In 10 years we have probably seen them twice. Unfortunately my FIL will not have us at Christmas anymore as we are cold hearted and callous. Every auntie and cousin on has been on phone tonight telling me how upset my niece is. Because this is how it works in my family I presumed this is normal but doesn't seem it.

Let your DH take the flak? It's his side of the family, and he should have warned you if it was a problem. Why are you the bad guy in this?

Which it isn't! It's a bit entitled and drama-llama to be going hysterical over a lack of birthday present at 19 years old.

Who told you she's distraught? If she genuinely is; she's a right little madam and I'd leave her off my Christmas list as well for good measure.

Distraught . If it is true, she needs to grow the fuck up.

We buy for parents, siblings and nephews/nieces as well as our kids. Nephews and nieces will stop at 18. Siblings and parents are token gifts.

My dad has a straight anyone under 18 gets a present rule as he has a huge family (8 kids between him and step mum, 6 are married and most of us have 3 kids. He even has great grandchildren now)

The issue is assumptions. Never assume. It's your DHs family and his problem tbh.

I agree with you OP.
We always buy for childrens birthdays until they are 18.
One family member disagrees and she continues to buy everyone, regardless of age but she doesn't make a fuss about nobody getting her eldest son a present now he is 18.
We do buy small gifts at Christmas.

Your niece and the rest of your family are being ridiculous. There is no rule that you have to buy anyone a present if you don't want to. I wouldn't buy anyone with that attitude a gift.