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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU/ patronising to give DB money under these circumstances?

32 replies

Probablyunreasonable · 25/11/2015 17:33

DB and DSIL are having their first baby just after Christmas. They both work really hard but as they both have vocational careers, their jobs don't pay an enormous amount. They have over the last few years mentioned that they have some financial worries and having a baby can obviously be an expensive time. If they want them, they can obviously have our buggy/cot/moses basket/baby bath etc but there will presumably be other things that they'll need. We are in a slightly more secure financial position and I would like to give them a Christmas present which might help them out a little bit but don't know how to avoid it coming across as patronising. Would a largish John Lewis/Mothercare voucher fall the right side of the line (as opposed to an actual cheque)? Alternatively, could anyone suggest anything that they received as a baby present which helped them financially but which didn't cause offence? I also suspect that a John Lewis voucher might be the dullest present they'll ever receive and if there were anything else that sounded a bit more exciting/looked like an actual present whilst doing a similar job, that would be fantastic. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
usualmum · 25/11/2015 22:19

What a lovely gesture!!

In similar circumstances I have given VISA cards which are just gift cards but with VISA. This allows the recipient to use the amount at any place worldwide that accepts VISA which is pretty much everywhere!!

Hope that helps!!

whois · 25/11/2015 22:25

I'd give a cheque and say you didn't want to tie them into using JL/mothercare etc

wellthatstornit · 25/11/2015 22:31

vouchers for somewhere you can get nappies, basic baby clothing, baby toiletries, baby milk/breast pumps etc, so for me Boots, Mothercare or Asda were brilliant, we got more for our money, and it really helped. Plus we could use them whenever we wanted, or were a bit strapped before payday etc.

Babies get their trust fund thing these days, so you could pay something into that once its set up, if you feel you wanted to spoil your niece/nephew a bit later on.

NameChange30 · 25/11/2015 22:42

Definitely give them a cheque and not vouchers. As PPs have said, it gives them maximum choice and is actually a more empowering present for them IYSWIM?

And I agree with PPs that you shouldn't give it as a Christmas present, it's for the baby. Do it separately and privately. Offer them your second hand baby stuff too (but let them know if you might have another baby in future and want any of it back!)

I was recently in a very similar position. I felt awkward and embarrassed about giving the money and causing offence. But actually my sibling and their partner were very touched and grateful for the gift. They were surprised by the amount but I just said that DH and I were lucky to be in a position to be able to help and that we wanted to. I'm very glad we did it. (And now part of me wishes we'd given more because I was nervous about giving too much!)

Rachel0Greep · 25/11/2015 22:45

I don't think that giving a cheque would be at all patronising. It's very kind of you, and I'm sure it will be very much appreciated.

AngelicCurls · 26/11/2015 08:35

What about a voucher that you can spend at a few different shops? My work colleagues gave me a love2shop voucher that was valid at loads of places, that way they have more choice but it feels more gift like than a cheque

Probablyunreasonable · 26/11/2015 19:44

Thanks very much, everyone - some very good points made. I appreciate your help.

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