To wonder if it's 'wrong' for children to have different fathers (sperm donor)

[Journeyintothecentreoftheearth]

I suppose I am wondering as I plan to have a child from donor sperm and would ideally like a brother or sister for him/her in the future (though this is not a given!) and I wondered if it is 'worth' spending hundreds on reserving sperm!

So, since I'm not sure of my own feelings - over to you; what would you do?

Many pp have mention all factors except the most important one, the child!

Actually, I think quite a few people are thinking from the perspective of the child. My post certainly was. Whilst I totally respect you have more experience than most of us, I think most people's first thought was what works best for the kids, and then for the family as a whole.

It's not "wrong" in any way for them to have different donors. I've given a lot of thought to this issue in the past as I used a donor to have my children. My own opinion is that the biggest pro of having the same donor is the consistency that they will get if and when they want to find him. You won't have one who's welcomed by the donor, while another has a negative reaction, or perhaps can't find him. They'd also share the same half siblings - there will be a lot, and with two donors this will double. The number isn't an issue for me but, again, the consistency is.

The downside of having the same donor is that one child may want to meet him and one may not - this could cause conflict, or perhaps the less "dominant" child may go along with what the other wants. I have also considered the issue of age gap between my children - e.g. my 2 eldest (twins) could meet their donor when they are 18. If I have another child (I have frozen embryos from the same cycle), s/he would be at least a few years younger - technically, they wouldn't be able to contact the donor until they were 18, but their older siblings could potentially be in contact with him. A tricky issue, and I'm not sure how it should be handled.

I'd use the same donor, full siblings are better I feel.

For the reasons LadyMary cites, we reserved the same donor sperm.

There is another benefit. You know that you and that donor are compatible. We had four attempts with donor A. No joy. With donor B, it worked first time. Twice!

Reserving additional 'reserves' is a whole lot cheaper than some failed treatments.

For some reason, others seem to regard our children being genetic siblings as very important and we are asked a lot. far more than another mother might be in a more conventional set up. I think it will be nice for them to discuss the possibility of meeting the same person. Although I do wonder if the eldest might want to do that before the youngest is allowed to. However, as you probably know, many children of donors have no desire to meet their 'father ', so who knows...

As a sperm donor 'baby' (now very much grown up), I would say full siblings/same donor is preferable. My brother had a different donor and while I love him to bits and don't see him as a half brother in any way, it has freaked me out somewhat over the years how very different we are. Of course full biological siblings are different too, but I do think you have more chance of understanding each other. I wasn't lonely in the way the adopted PP said, but I did often think how weird it was that we were so close and brought up the same and yet looked and were, as characters, miles apart. If you can afford it, it's worth it I think.

Should say, I'm aware that of course blended families etc will also have siblings from different dads who have no issue at all with being different from each other in some ways. This isn't a comment on that, but only about the specific sperm donor situation, which is different I think because active decisions are being made about how/what to conceive rather than it being about the parent making a new relationship and the new DC coming as a result of that. For me, using that as a comparison confuses things. This is just about two siblings and whether you'd choose for them to have the same donor. I don't really understand the 'don't put all your eggs in one basket' angle as I don't see what the gain is, for the siblings themselves at least. It's just adding another unknown factor into a process that can already be tricky for some DC. I was fine about being from donor sperm, no issues with it at all, but i know some kids wrestle with it more. As for the adopted PP, it may help them to have a 'full' sibling.

If you can, do.

I've also got a child through sperm donation and in my opinion reserving sperm is essential! Children love to know they are siblings, compare similarities and differences etc. I think it means a lot to my children to be full siblings as opposed to half. Obviously in the case of relationships breakups etc. children adore their half siblings just as much but for me it was important. Also if you are a same sex family like me and your partner decides to carry the next child, having the same donor means both you children are related as opposed to having 2 completely different parents.

It would be nice if they could share a donor.

It would not be at all wrong if they didn't.

If you can possibly afford it, I'd say try to have the same donor.

I am a twin, we were adopted together at birth. It have me a great deal of reassurance over the years to have a sibling who had exactly the same biological history as me (although we look nothing alike!)

This is possibly the most ridiculous reason for making a decision, but should one of your children need an organ / bone marrow donation later in life, a fully biological sibling would be more likely to be a match. Of course, this is pretty unlikely, but might sway your choice.

What do you think would be best for your dc op? I was adopted (different I know), I needed to know where I came from. Every child has that right, and I think it will be much much easier on your dc if they have each other to do it with. It will make them feel closer. I know it's more expensive but you can't put a price on what's best for your dc. It may not bother you but it may bother them.