....to think that most posters vary their MN judgements according to the age(s) of their own children?

[LaContessaDiPlump]

More of a thread inspired by a thread than a TAAT.

I have 2 DC, aged 3.4 and 4.5. If someone posts about their Year one child choosing to be a right arse (or words to that effect) I internally nod and go 'Yup' because I live with a preschooler and a Reception child and quite frankly there are times when they deliberately choose to be arses. I love them and all, but they can be arselike (as indeed can I). The trick is to notice when their behaviour is feigned (i.e. they set out with the intention of winding me up) and when it's unintentional. I believe that they are capable of choosing to be difficult sometimes - they are not misunderstood blameless little darlings ALL the time. Sometimes, but not always. I try to spot the difference.

I'm more 'Aww, poor baby' with babies/toddlers now because the horrors of those stages have passed for me now thank fuck and also rather lenient when judging the actions of children aged 6 and up because I have no RL experience of how mature you'd expect them to be and what the various stressors in their lives are. I am noticeably more judgy with children near the ages of my own kids (on here - not in RL as I'd feel too mean).

I've been wondering whether we are more likely to judge the actions of babies/toddlers/primary schoolers/teenagers harshly when we have kids near that age ourselves, because we are emotionally closer to it. AIBU to think that the age of your own kids may have a bearing on how you judge other kids of the same age?

Thank you

As you can tell my consistency is due to my very much being a people person.

When I read that someone has small children close in age (as I did) I internally shiver at the memories of those days - don't get me wrong I love my children but they were all hard work (and now they are lovely young adults with the exception of the 14 year old who is in a moody teenager phase - hurry up and get over it!). I love children, even other peoples, but only like to be in their company briefly, though I do like the company of my own children now they are in control of their toilet and eating habits.

It's a bit like when I wake up sometimes and think it would be lovely to have someone (an adult) lying next to me to snuggle up to (big euphemism alert), and then I bolt upright and scream internally WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, COME TO YOUR SENSES WOMAN!

I do like the company of my own children now they are in control of their toilet and eating habits

Not just me who thinks like that then!

By the way, I think Tinder was expressly created for 'ahem' short-term snuggling purposes Elendon

YANBU. I don't post at all on threads about teenagers and older children as I know nothing! And now that mine are 5 and 3 I feel sad when I see posts about "naughty" 1 and 2 year olds driving their parents to distraction. Of course parents of 7-10 year olds would probably tell me that mine are "just babies" and I expect too much of them!

at HoneyDragon.

lol @ HoneyDragon

I'm definitely from the "thank fuck I eventually got free from the limpet child" school of thought. I didn't enjoy babies at all and love my teenagers. But I recognise that my experiences are unique to me and try not to be too twatty with my advice. I expect I get it wrong most of the time nonetheless!

Hopefully it won't happen to the 14 year old, but my eldest didn't take her drink very well (ah the head holding while they hurl into the toilet days!). It only happened the once with her, thank goodness.

I think it comes down to having wisdom with age actually. The more experience we have as parents the better. I am on child 5 now and I'm sure I'm better with them than with 1,.

I can still remember what it's like to have young children, but nothing can prepare parents of young children for what it's like having a teenager.

Those with young children consistently underestimate how quickly they grow up between 9 and 13 but at the same time don't appreciate how often teenagers can behave like overgrown toddlers with added hormones . I'm sure I was the same myself when my kids were younger.

My teenagers are very civilized, nothing like they were as toddlers. I know that some teenagers can be very difficult but like everyone they are unique individuals. Although my memories of their toddler years are pretty blurry, I'd not give much more advice than commiserations to parents of toddlers, however sweet they look from afar!

I don't want to jinx anything but I am finding my teenagers easier than any other age. Only 15 and 14 though so I guess I've got a long way to go yet. :)

I was probably a bit over shouty when mine were younger and I wish I had been more patient. I think when I comment on those with younger children than mine are I try to not say how I did it so much as to say in retrospect how I would have done things differently if that makes sense?

The attitude to the parents of the over 18's is often quite odd. As soon as the clock strikes midnight on a child 's 18th birthday it appears they should be standing on their own feet, never expect to be included in family outings, certainly not be collected if on a night out and generally not be worried about any more. This advice is always given by the mums of under 10's some of whom really do appear to think that you stop loving and caring about your young adult in quite the same way as you do a younger child. I think it is hard for people to put themselves in the position of having older children and I certainly have forgotten the bad bits of having young children.I remember it all through a rosy glow!

Yes like the pfb dads in the park with their babies scowling at my 5 year old on her bike. You know how differently they will be when it's their child doing her first stabiliser free cycling.

My 14 year old is currently helping with the Beavers (ages 6 & 7) he keeps telling me how annoying they are :) The last time he came home and said "please tell me I was never that annoying when I was a Beaver?" :o

I told him that the Beavers are fine, but never ever volunteer to help with the Cubs...

Its like the christmas present spending thread which is active at the moment, Yes of course your child is happy with two presents for christmas, theyre only one. My 17 year old wouldnt be so happy with a box of lego from a charity shop. Its horses for courses.

I remember pre children watching my nephews playing and thinking my kids will be so much better behaved. Hahahahah.

Yes Jeremy, you're right about Christmas present spending.

I'm making the most of these early years, when my children are happy with small Christmas and birthday presents because they don't know any better. It's not a morally superior rejection of materialism, it's just opportunism on our part to save ourselves some money. In a few years they'll have higher expectations and will no doubt request the moon on a stick!

Mrs frumble. I was the same, spent bugger all when they were little,but now, how times have changed.