to not like dd (13) today?

[wannanewone]

I am in tears. DD has been difficult all day, since I said she couldn*t go to a concert next friday. she has been fighting with her sister all fucking day long - teasing, winding her up, threw glass of water at her (not sure if true, as I wasnt in the room at the time). She has just spent 20 mins shouting at me, stood in my way, I had to push past her to get out of the room, physically threatened me, called me all sorts of names. I kept calm at first but then I have lost my cool with her, and shouted too. She is now in her room. I really dont like her
I don´t know what to do...

I think many of us recognise many of your sentiments! Last week my DD (14) came downstairs at the end of a particularly awful evening. I had sent her to her room to give us all some space. She came down and said, ' I've been thinking about everything and I see now that all the problems in my life come down to you. It's your fault I have spots (won't book her to see a consultant dermatologist), it's your fault I have no money (won't replenish allowance that was blown in one day), my room is awful (won't hire a cleaner to clean it for her), can't do her maths homework (she needs a private tutor, despite her dad being a secondary maths teacher), best of all, why can't you just let me be happy (her happiness is defined as 24/7 socialising funded by us, no questions asked).

It was all so self indulgent & illogical that it gave me hope for the future, surely she can't stay so barmy for many more years????

Anothermakes- your list: please help her sort out her skin. The rest, yep, with you.

OP, feel your pain

That is appalling behaviour. Calling you a bitch, not letting you pass and threatening to hit you?
I think you and her dad need to sit her down and have a very serious talk. Anyone of those behaviours from an adult to adult could get you a police caution. Explain that to her.
She has lost her boundaries. You sound too nice I think, don't let her walk all over you.
That behaviour needs very serious consequences.

It's a difficult age. My DD gets stroppy/ tells me to shut up/ attitude etc. After many failed attempts at other things, this is what I do now:

1. Blank her and never argue or shout back, however much you're tempted. I just say this is how it is etc then leave it at that. If she tries to carry on or follow me, I go in the shower/walk the dogs, anything out of her way.
2. Take her phone away until she is being reasonable, not usually for ages or a day, but as soon as she calms down and apologises.

It's working so far, although she has never physically threatened anyone.

Btw DD is just 14

Thanks for sharing and for giving me hope that it does get better.
I thought it was getting better, but since term started she seems to be back to the worst days.

The ahaparenting link made me smile in recognition. Both my dds have strong wills, and I do encourage it as it will serve them well in life, but it makes it hard to for me as a parent. And, of course, I draw the line at bullying behaviour.

another I get that too. I shall remember your "surely she can`t stay so barmy for many more years??" to help me through the tough days.

I had a quick look for age limits on the venue website, but I couldnt find anything. And then gave up as she isnt going anyway. She does get her of freedom - trips alone to shops and to cinema with friends. I also understand that is is normal for her to be upset, and argue back...but, again there are ways and ways of doing this. I do need to not engage as much as I do, to explain things and then leave it. I need a dog like penny

She came home defiant, but after talking to her, she seems to be really sorry. I am feeling strong, thanks to your support on here