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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having children in the current political climate.

22 replies

manicinsomniac · 22/11/2015 10:24

I have a friend who was ttc. Last night she told me she doesn't want children any more as she's frightened of what they'll face in their futures.

I can understand what she's saying. Kind of. But surely that is the ultimate in letting evil win?!

I do worry for my children, of course. But I believe and hope their lives will be well worth the living. But I suppose, apart from my youngest who's only 1, I could say they've already had happy, meaningful lives for 8 and 12 years. Would I feel differently if wanted to conceive another baby now? I don't think so but I just don't know.

Do you think she IBU? Would the world as it is right now putting you off having children/more children?

OP posts:
takeapictureframe · 22/11/2015 10:25

My parents had me when everyone thought there would be a nuclear war and everyone would be wiped out by AIDS. No. Things get better, nor worse.

FaFoutis · 22/11/2015 10:29

She is BU.
I can't think of a time when there weren't threats to life and happiness in human history.

Egosumquisum · 22/11/2015 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thefitfatty · 22/11/2015 10:38

She is BU. The world is now safer now then it ever has been if you view it in terms of conflict. When I was born it was the middle of the Cold War and there was conflict on every continent. Now conflict is limited to parts of the Middle East, Africa and the Ukraine. There may be tensions elsewhere, and threats of terrorism, but there always has been.

Things are getting better, not worse.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 22/11/2015 10:46

Yes, very true re historical threats.

I'd totally get it if we lived in Syria. But I think it's a huge leap to assume Britain will go the same way. Not impossible, of course. But likely? Doubt it.

OP posts:
Egosumquisum · 22/11/2015 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

howtorebuild · 22/11/2015 10:54

If she has anxiety right now she's best not to put additional pressure on herself. Hopefully things may improve and she will change her mind again.

YouMakeMyDreams · 22/11/2015 10:59

I think she is wrong as others have said there has always been conflict and threats to safety but on the same token I can see why she feels like that possibly as a knee jerk reaction to events in Paris. It seems so far removed at times when you read about war in far flung places you could barely find on a map. Something so close can make it all seem so much more real.
I have wondered and worried about what the future world holds for my dc and may have had the same knee jerk reaction had I been ttc just now but I'm also pretty sure I'd have changed my mind and continued once rational thought had taken over. She may still.

saraht84 · 22/11/2015 11:05

She is BU. My mom was born post war, I was born when the threat of nuclear war was very real.

IwishIwasinNewYork · 22/11/2015 11:14

People still alive today have:

Lived through world wars
Lived through dozens and dozens of other wars
Lived through IRA attacks and threats
Lived through Cold War
Lived through Al Quaeda attacks and threats
Lived through ISIS attacks and threats

It's just not a way for her or anyone to live.

lostInTheWash · 22/11/2015 11:22

One of my parents was conceived and born during the second world war in an area being bombed to a mother who already had a toddler and several elderly relatives to look after and had to hold a pt job. They have had on the whole quiet a happy if poor childhood and did okay in life.

My siblings and myself were born in 1970's when industrial unrest was prevalent and the main wage earner was in an industry and area where there was a massive contraction and moving work abroad. Again we had happy childhoods for the most part. DH grew up in 80 in an area full of miners an a back ground to his childhood.

My DH was In London in the 90's when there were still regular security alerts thanks to the IRA which on many occasions stop him getting home.

I wonder if there are other reasons she not keen on having DC yet as the state of the world seems odd one to pick.

BondJayneBond · 22/11/2015 11:26

There has always been war and conflict and hardship in the world. If she's going to wait for world peace before TTC, she'll never have a baby.

ManorGreyhound · 22/11/2015 12:28

These are the least violent times humanity has ever experienced - fewer people per 100,000 of the population die as a result of conflict now than at any point in human history.

The only thing that has substantially changed is our ability to gather, manage and disseminate information. This means we get to hear about tragic events in a way we never did before.

It's called the Availability Heuristic if anyone's interested.

SilverOldie2 · 22/11/2015 15:49

I was born in 1945 and many people were born during two world wars. If they could do it then I see no reason why they couldn't do it now.

callmekitten · 22/11/2015 16:02

She is BU. Don't give up the joys of today in the fear of the sorrows of tomorrow.

Andrewofgg · 22/11/2015 17:14

I'm '52 vintage - conceived during and in spite of the Cold War when there was a realistic possibility that we were going to see a short war after which the living would envy the dead, but not for long.

DS was conceived at a time when there was a finite risk that Paddy O'Semtex would get me every time I went to work in Central London.

There has never been a time to have children when you could be sure they would live safe tranquil lives, has there?

eastwest · 22/11/2015 17:28

It's certainly not a good reason to not have children. Assuming she lives in the UK she's safer than 99.99% of the world. There are good reasons not to have children. But this isn't one of them. If she lived in Syria I could see her point.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 22/11/2015 17:32

I want my children to be the adults of the future. I am trying to raising them to be good people. The future is more likely to be good if it is populated with good people.

scarlets · 22/11/2015 17:42

She's being sensationalist. The U.K. in 2016 will not be a bad place/time in which to be born, relatively. If she can afford a baby (benefits are diminishing, so finances should definitely be a consideration) she shouldn't worry unduly about world politics.

DarthVadersTailor · 22/11/2015 17:49

She is being overly dramatic, albeit she makes a valid point. I wonder what world my two will grow up in, I think every parent feels the same way. Would it stop me having children though? Clearly it didn't, don't understand why it would tbh....

Paddletonio · 22/11/2015 17:51

It's her prerogative and up to her if that's how she feels

But I certainly still plan to ttc and think I would want to regardless of what was going on in the world!

BestZebbie · 22/11/2015 17:53

In terms of her potential infant surviving just through childbirth and the first year she is already doing better for her child to have it now than nearly any other previous time in human history. That is before the relative peace of the world today is factored in on top.

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