I know I am.. DP working away for 10 weeks while I'm pregnant.

[harboromummy]

DP dropped the bombshell today that he's applying for a new job.. Great I support him whatever he wants to do.

Thing is, I found out three days ago I'm pregnant. I'm being really emotional lately.

Now he told me if he gets the job he will be going away for 10 weeks to York after Xmas.. Meaning he will miss our 12 & 20 week scan possibly.

I'm so angry. And upset. I don't want to do this alone. This is my final pregnancy. Last one I had really really bad PND, my mum had cancer throughout my pregnancy and died after I gave birth. I want this time to be even better. This is his first baby.

😪😪

have you shared your concerns with your DP?

It will be ok, you know it will.

Maybe you can schedule the scans for Monday mornings / Friday afternoon so he can be there be going later/coming back earlier.

You're NBU to be emotional and upset.

YABU to think that he won't be able to be at the scans or support you in the pregnancy... You'll get the dates well in advance and surely he'll be able to take the time off work to join you. Men are legally entitled to attend two scan/antenatal appointments I think.

If it makes you feel any better I'm 34 wks along and DH might be working half way around the world - if his new job comes off!

How far away do you live? Presumably DH will be home at weekends? I know it feels like the most awful thing right now, but that time will fly.

I did the majority of my first pregnancy away from dh. It was hard emotionally. But not too bad. Having the bed to myself as I got into the third trimester was actually amazing. With skype it really wasnt too difficult, but hormones made it seem worse at times. My MIL came to my 20 week scan and we booked a private scan to find out the sex a few weeks later during his annual leave.

You will be fine, it will be fine. The thought of it, is much worse than the reality. If finances allow what really helped us was sending surprises every now and then.

So this country then? Why would he need to be away for 10 weeks solid?

Hopefully he will be able to travel back for the scans and presumably he has a phone and email so will be in contact so you won't be alone. Nonthing much he can do at the moment anyway.

Where do you live that York is so far away? It's quite central - we often schedule national meetings there as its only about 3hrs by train for most of our committee (London, Edinburgh, Manchester)

Yes, the others are right, he can still be at the appointments and surely will be home at weekends. I understand it's hard on you but your specific worries are unfounded.

I don't think it's really that cool for him to act as though being away from you for 10 weeks is not your concern and something he can just drop into a conversation.

People in families discuss whether it is a good idea to be apart for long periods of time, they don't make unilateral decisions about stuff like that.

If he's going to be away for 10 weeks while you are pregnant, what plans is he making for himself after the baby is born?

Has he bothered to inform you?

You could get private weekend scans; or have then at a York NHS hospital? But bet you could find a time he could do, eg last scan on a friday evening.

Everyone's pregnancy is different but there's no way I'd have coped without DH for ten weeks during mine. I was very independent before pregnancy but it's really knocked the stuffing out of me. YANBU

My experience of men working away, in UK, is that you actually get to see more of them.

On a normal week, DH is out of the house before I get up and neither of us is home to do much more than dinner and bed. When he's away, he's here for breakfast on Monday and usually home by lunchtime on Friday.

Agree he needs to discuss, not tell though.

Maybe he doesn't understand the implications of being away/pregnacy/appointments - dh missed my 12 week scan as he was "too busy" with work. He dropped me off and came back later. I'd already had a couple of early scans and I think he thought it was just more of the same. I'll never forget his face when I was describing, not a fluttering bean, but an actual baby-shaped, extremely lively little person, she was such a fidget (still is). He never missed another appointment. He was lucky though as I had several more scans.
Talk to him, you need to come up with a plan, but together.
Congratulations

Why can't he take a day's holiday and come back for your scans?

DH left when I was 11w pg with DS1. Returned at 26w. He got a shock with that welcome home hug. My parents came with me to my anomaly scan though.

It was OK, but would have been much harder with no. 2 or in any other circumstances.

Do you mean away like that or away in the week?

Just cos he's applied for a job, doesn't mean he'll get it.

Plus 10 weeks is only 2 and a half months out of a 9 month pregnancy, and at the right end of it so you know he'll be home for the part where you are going to need him most and most importantly, for after the birth which is when you are really going to need him around.

When I was pregnant my hubby was away for most of the pregnancy, (forces) I was in hospital for a while I was so sick but I coped, we do us women. I was 40 and went to the anomaly scan alone, we were fortunately ok.
You will be fine. You are stronger than you think.

You'll be fine, York is easily accessible by train. My oh missed one scan as we were at other ends of the country but it didn't matter as he was at the birth and he'll be here for ds forever. He might not even get the job. Think positively about the pregnancy etc too.

you will be fine. My OH works away during the week so I fly solo for most appointments. However we did pay for private 12 weeks and 20 weeks scans on a Saturday BEFORE I went for NHS ones. Meant we could share these moments. Any other appointments I just went alone which was fine as was usually in and out.

On the plus side OH being away means as soon as kids in bed. I would be straight to bed myself. Meals were easy as had lots of precooked things for kids in freezer.