To not let DC stay in a smoky house?

[MagicFinger]

My mother was a heavy smoker and my brother and I had to grow up in that environment.

I don't smoke and I try to make sure my children aren't exposed to cigarette smoke.

Ex DH is now staying with DM while his house purchase goes through (long story) and DC spend the weekend with him at her house.

She has always denied smoking in the house although it smells heavily of smoke... Yesterday evening I called round unexpectedly and she was puffing away in the sitting room (where DC play) with cigarette ends in an ashtray, knowing full well DC are coming today.

I'm really upset, aibu?

DS has come home from there before with a cough and sore throat. He has asthma

Children in a smokey environment is an absolute no. Do what you know is right. Put them first.

Does she smoke while they are there or just in the room beforehand?

if you can smell something then particles of it are in the air. yanbu

But this is not even a permanent arrangement. It's only while ex's house sale goes through.

And? Is it OK to force your kids to suck down poisonous chemicals if it's only for a short time? As it's only temporary that's even more reason to keep them away, things can go back to normal when he moves.

PiperChapstick please remind me to consult you before I dare to ask any further questions.

Oh come off it Too - it was a ridiculous question and had nothing to do with the OP. Popping round to your mum's house unexpectedly is hardly out of the ordinary.

Well I don't think OP's mum should smoke when kids are in the house but you can't stop her before they arrive. Much more important they see their Dad.

YANBU and it's the reason we don't go to MILs house.

They can still see their Dad - just not somewhere that's detrimental to their house.

health not house

Actually I don't think it was a ridiculous question. I wasn't having a go at the OP at all, but I did want to point out it was slightly silly to come round to your mum's house unexpectedly and be annoyed she is smoking home alone,minding her own business. I'm wasn't saying it was strange not to ask permission to come around,all families are different. I wasn't rude to anybody, so not sure what the big deal is.

I hate smoke around my kids. But your DM wasn't smoking when your kids are in the house so I think it's quite rude to get your ex to speak to her. Presumably your ex would be in the house when DC are there to see him and if she chooses to smoke then, that would be the time to have a word, not just because she chose to spend her Saturday evening smoking in her house alone on a cold night.
Others probably drank wine, I ate chocolate, everyone has a cheat night!

Toogood I'm also very curious why you would ask that when that's not what the post was about, why shouldn't someone visit their Mum like that? I used to do it all the time when my Mum was alive.

I agree AtSea

I've just said why Laguna

No, you weren't rude - but the post is about a specific issue, and you came along and asked a question which had no bearing on it and which didn't actually offer anything constructive. It's hardly 'silly' to go to your mum's house unexpectedly - it's a perfectly normal thing to do. As it is, she caught her mum doing something she's denied doing, even though the house stinks of smoke, so she's now able to protect her children from it - so far from being silly, it's an excellent result.

I am a smoker, and no matter how freezing or wet and windy it is always goes out side in my smoking dessing gown ( I have 2 the other one is my cwtchy one)

I try my hardest so that my kids don't get exposed so I would take them to house where people smoke indoors

But I did actually. In my second post I politely gave my opinion and said I hoped the OP worked something out. I'm not sure why you wouldn't ignore a post that seemed pointless to you. I think it derails the thread,but ok, if it caused irritation I apologise.

You did - but that's not what posters have questionned. As it is, her DM has consistently lied about smoking in the house - despite the dangers which are linked to upthread and despite knowing that the grandchildren were coming to visit. I'd have been questionning why she did that as opposed to why the OP did something so banal as visiting her mum unexpectedly.

Anyway, main thing is the children aren't going to have to spend any time in the stinking place.

Smoke in any aspect is very damaging to developing children. My exMIL lived around her husband smoking like a chimney whilst she was pregnant with exP and he was born without toenails or fingernails (they grew in eventually, but he was clearly underdeveloped) and had a lot of respiratory problems. He was brought up around second and third hand smoke and it has stunted his growth and ability to put on weight massively. He has the body of a 16 year old boy. He also has asthma, has struggled with drug addiction (not sure if connected) and is now a heavy smoker himself. It does have long term debilitating effects.

It doesn't matter if it's your house, your rules. If you are willing to damage your family's health just so you don't have to stand out in the cold for 5 minutes whilst you damage your own then you shouldn't be around those family members. Smoking in your car whilst there are persons under the age of 18 present is now/going to be illegal (not kept up on the news) even though it's their car, so the whole ownership argument is invalid. It's about respect and those who happily put their loved one's health in danger, especially children, clearly don't have any.