Charity donation instead of pressies - aibu?

[Fannini]

DD has recently received an invitation to a bd party, I replied via email, yes DD would be delighted. Got a follow up email which had been sent to everyone along the lines of the following:-

Great you are all coming and giving up the afternoon to help celebrate our DCs birthday. Some of you have kindly asked what our DC would like for his BD, but our DC has decided that instead of presents he would like you to donate to these charities...with web links...or one of your choice.

I wish I could convey the tone of it as well (cross 'we feel v. pleased with ourselves' with 'we've got a pet and we like to write what he 'says' in our christmas round robin'), but it's pretty difficult without actually cutting and pasting.

DCs are 8 & 9.

I think this is rude. I've just deleted all my reasons because post was getting too long but basically my question to you is Aibu just to ignore this and give him a ruddy present anyway?

Ha! I love the idea of birthday parties as political statements - imagining some sort of UKIP themed birthday with strange party bags full of God knows what

I can see why you're annoyed it does seem a bit overly virtuous and grabby at the same time , however if the DC in question is 9 and this is genuinely what he/she wants to do then I say go for it.
I generally buy vouchers these days anyway, so it would be easy enough to divert to a charity donation instead.

We did this when we invited the whole class for my DS's 6th birthday party - this was ten years ago. I explained he already had a lot of stuff, so didn't want any presents, but if anyone wanted to give something (as people do feel this obligation), we would have a box they could donate money for Oxfam. DS was really happy with this idea, and bought some sheep and hens, I think.

Lots of parents said (unprompted) that they thought it was a good idea. Obviously, the ones that thought it was crap wouldn't have said anything. Frankly, I didn't care what people thought. I was just pleased we were able to raise some money for a good cause. Who cares if people thought we were being sanctimonious - I don't think you can really phrase it in a way that doesn't sound like that, as people do like to criticise.

Anyway, I assumed other people would do the same in the future, as several said they would. However, nobody else ever did, so maybe there was a negative vibe.

I think it was the way it was all written that made me a bit .

Round these parts it would be more likely to be party bags filled with vegan things or DIY wind turbines & pamphlets on mindfulness and social responsibility! haha! Thankfully the world hasn't gone that mad..yet!

I have some parties to organise in the next few months actually..

God - UKIP party bags ... ( Horrific imaginings emoticon )

How about a Fair Trade money box to save up for good works with? DS2 has a splendidly psycadelic multi-coloured pig thing from Trade Craft ( He doesn't save up for goats and what not though ... His Great Aunt bought him one when he was small and he was massively pissed off that he couldn't go and visit it! )

or George Galloway for Mayor party bags... with George and his new hat.. actually that's not even funny.

George and his new hat were on This Week last night looking ultra creepy.

I used to run a small children's charity and we regularly had children do this for us. In general they were involved in the charity in other ways, and were generally children from quite wealthy backgrounds. We at the charity were thrilled and frankly couldn't have given a crap about any crowing the parents of said child did. They'd often raise up to £1k every penny of which went to charitable aims that otherwise would be ignored by others.

YAB completely U

If you tell people not to bring presents (nicely), some still do. You then have very awkward moment of people arriving empty handed feeling stupid and looking really embarrassed.

An 8 yo is perfectly capable of coming with the concept himself (likely animal related, or helping against a disease of someone he knows, helping poorer kids, but anything is possible).

Parents try to do a nice thing, you have a choice of your own charity if you wish, you can donate or chose not to, no-one will check.

Whatever you do, you cannot win!

shudder...

I have to go and get on with my actual life now lovely people of Mumsnet but thank you for the craic, your opinions and letting me have a gripe.

They did say 'or a charity of your choice'. If you were going to be really passive aggressive you could give it to Help for Heroes or the Poppy Appeal or some sort of charity that would get a vegan potato bothering environmentalist right wound up.

I think that's perfectly nicely said.

And it's more than possible the 8yo asked for that. My dc have on occasion been thoroughly moved by a charity and have made a similar gesture. They do it entirely because they want to.
For example dd1, aged 6yo, put her pocket money for 6 months into a Guide dog "box" I only knew when she appeared with it wrapped up in brown paper and asked for a stamp.

They've suggested it, not ordered it, plus they've said if you want to choose the charity that's fine.

oooh, can't resist one more post..

MrsJ yes, I can see how these things can become rather awkward, hence why now I'm over being irritated I will be doing what they want, in the way I want to do it. DD will be presenting their DS with a card. (yawn) I can't not do it because then I would feel I was cheating.

To me this feels really mean and stingy, but if that's what makes him happy, we will go with the flow. I am always donating to charity one way or another (it's utterly relentless - because whatever you give it is never enough, there is always someone/something else) but DD & I wouldn't always have a reason to buy their DS a present.

You see, I also like my kids to have the opportunity to buy gifts for their friends and peers. I think it's important to learn how to give, and not just give to charity which they also do plenty of. Still it's OK, it's not like everyone is at it - yet!

I'm glad it worked for your charity Disappointed

It is nicely said because I paraphrased it. .

Do one of those animal sponsoring things where they give you a cuddly and non-lethal version of the gigantic carnivore you've just podded out £3.00 for? ( DS2 used to get really excited because they were selling off snow leopards on the telly and they were a huge bargain and could we have one ... Likewise second-hand dogs ... DS1 wanted to adopt a giant squid ... )

You're actually being really rude about this child and their family. You might think it's self righteous and showing off but sometimes people are just kind. If that's what the kid wants for their birthday then good for him. I just wish there were more children in the world as kind as this one.

As for being skeptical about a child doing it on their own without a push, my ds asked his granny if she could sponsor a child for his Christmas. He got so upset at seeing starving children on the adverts and knew he always gets a lot of presents anyway, due to the size of our family. So perhaps stop being so cynical and give children a bit of credit for knowing their own minds.

Paul, OP isn't being rude, she's just letting off steam anonymously on the Internet. And as we haven't read the email we don't know how irritatingly it was worded.

I don't think she's said anything actually horrible about the child or family, in fact she said when she met them they appeared perfectly nice, but that the email was very irritatingly worded and possibly ungracious to presume upon guests, she also wondered if it was an entirely child-driven exercise.