Is my husband BU (say yes....say yes)

[sharonthewaspandthewineywall]

For being pissed off with me for wanting things to be in the appropriate places? He says im getting on his nerves for 'nagging' about the collection of toiletries by the side of the settee on a ledge and the clothes that have been hanging on the curtain rail in the living room since god knows when. Apparently im hormonal and nagging.
Grr.

Clothes on the curtain rail would annoy me but I couldn't care less about toiletries at the side of the sofa (eyes up nail varnish remover, foot cream and 3 nail varnishes by my side of the sofa!!).

hormonal and nagging

"Hormonal" does not mean "wrong".

"nagging" means that you have had to ask repeatedly because the lazy sod he has ignored your previous requests like a selfish child

Hmmmm if you share an equal home with someone then you have equal say in how that home is run. If he is happy to have his toiletries (conveniently for him) by the sofa and you don't then I guess you're the one that has to move them if you want them gone!

Although the phrase 'hormonal nagging' would leave me fuming!

Focusfocus It's okay for there to be places on the internet with a female bias, it really is. There are loads of male spaces, ie, the rest of the internet.

I'd say the same for both sexes, clean up your own shit. I very much doubt that a woman would tell a man he was nagging, or that he was hormonal.

Is it his stuff?

Put it all in a bin liner and hide it.

Go wide eyed and shocked when he asks for it going, but you out it away, just like you said you would....

Clothes hanging from the curtain rail ..... (feels slightly faint).
I'd be incandescent with rage.

"Nagging" is a ManWord for being asked to do something they do not want to do.
By using that word he is trying to make you feel bad, and to deflect your reasonable request back onto you as guilt.
Don't buy into his interpretation and use of "Nagging" it's just giving him power over you.

He is hoping you will do the clearing up, so that he can get on with ManThings like watching TV and playing games.

YANBU

I have a basket for each member or the household at the bottom of the stairs. All assorted crap goes into them. When they get full, I empty them onto that individual's bed.

Job done.

Don't see why his storage place for toiletries and clothes is any better or worse than yours? How would you feel if he demanded you moved all you toiletries and then threw them away when you declined?

Your name rings a bell, are you the MNer whose DH carelessly chucked out all the lovingly collected Christmas decorations last year after you boxed them up?

I think I'd get a nice big box and give him due warning you are doing a tidy up of the living room tomorrow.

Buy a builders bucket - the flexible coloured ones - from B&Q and then put all of the stuff that is around the house in it once every couple of days and he can find it in there. It's out of your sight but not thrown out. Problem solved and he can't say you've been nagging. You've been problem solving.

ask once, ask twice with added if it doesn't move it gets binned. Then get black sack and call out ' its getting black sacked' has always worked for me. Although everyone knows they get 2 chances. Hmmm. may have to mix it up a bit.

I used to have this with ex-DP. I find mess and clutter quite stressful and he is super-slobby.

I gave up asking, and would just go round about once a week, scoop all his piles of crap off every flat surface in the house and dump it in a box, which went straight into the shed. He never did sort it out, and when I finally chucked him out, the boxes went too

Forgot to say, of course he is totally BU!

YABU. You don't want the stuff there so move it. He obviously doesn't care whether the stuff is there or not. Tell him that if he wants it he has to move it or it's all going in the bin. Then throw it away. Telling him 7 times to move it and it still doesn't happen is dull for both parties.

I think YABU.

It's his home too and clearly he is happy for the items to be where they are.

If you feel they should be somewhere else YWNBU to move them but it clearly doesn't bother him so YABU to expect him to relocate items for your benefit.

We may be married to the same man.

"Why isn't the house tidy"

"Because you are allergic to putting anything back where it is meant to go..."

"Why are you always so negative"

but it clearly doesn't bother him so YABU to expect him to relocate items for your benefit.

This was once my DP's excuse for not wanting to do his share of the washing up - I cooked meals that required a plate, and that resulted in that plate needing to be washed up (rather than dusted off and used again ad infinitum). Therefore it was unreasonable for me to expect him to take part in the washing up.

If he ever makes a similar argument again I WILL be leaving.