Aibu to feel a bit hurt about this silly comment?

[MuvvaInferior]

Been going to a life coach type person for a few sessions regarding difficulties I'm having with masters exams. The coach is really good and I like him. For context I am pretty academic, have received top results throughout school and university.

We were talking about the exams and my passing them. In all honesty I'm predicted a good mark and have been achieving good marks. But always go on about my worries re taking them and I think they've misinterpreted it slightly, they think I'm struggling to pass. They made a comment, obviously meant positively today about how "some people are naturally clever, some have to work hard". I obviously fall in the latter group according to them.

I know I shouldn't care about one person's opinion and equally shouldn't place so much weight on it but feel a bit hurt. Want to childishly confirm to them I am naturally clever too! Ironically I rode on the back of this for years; didn't really study but still did well. Now I'm struggling because I actually need to study to do well...

I think the best way to address it would be to agree with him, and explain that it's because you're naturally clever that this is throwing you - you're so used to achieving high results easily that you're finding it difficult to deal with having to work hard.

It's actually a drawback in some ways to be naturally clever, as you get used to everything coming easily and then really struggle when it doesn't!

Have experienced both of those extremes, MuvvaInferior and SiegeofEnnis, and all I learned is that counsellors are just people, they are not psychic unfortunately (drat) and they definitely don't have expertise in the ins and outs of academic issues or academic careers. (I too was attempting to do the academic career thing on the occasions I've been to counselling - hmm....) A therapist is there for you to vent and test things out on, they are not going to understand you all the time, and (from my experience again) I think it's a useful learning curve to be on, which can expose one's own (childish, Achilles heel-esque) need for approval. If you are anything like me you will eventually feel total revulsion for your therapist, because they will try to get you to "let out your feelings", which in my case were bottled up super safe. I faked it at that point with the first therapist, dreading going and just pretending I was fine, when actually I was totally not fine in any way. She didn't notice and just told me how well I was doing (useless). Anyway - the point is, they're just a therapist, not perfect, don't stress about hurting their feelings by disagreeing with them or telling them they have misunderstood what you said, it's supposed to be their job to listen to you and be supportive. If they have been properly trained they should be able to handle it. You do not need to bolster their ego by going along with everything they say. Again, if they have been properly trained, they should be picking up that you are just " going along" and actually they have a responsibility to make sure that doesn't happen, because that is faking it and that is not the point of therapy. If you wanted to fake a conversation about your life for an hour you'd go talk to someone else, right? Of course they might not be very skilled as a therapist, again they are just people. I wish I had someone tell me all this at the point I was going to that first therapist. It really did more damage than anything because I felt I had to please her (sounds crazy but some of you know exactly how that feels) and ended up taking a godforsaken position that my gut was screaming no to because we "talked it out" and she said what a "great opportunity" it was, and told me all the "coping strategies" I could use to make sure I kept it (didn't, had yet another breakdown, that's another story). Anyway, MuvvaInferior, being hurt by the silly comment is not unreasonable. You need to ask yourself why you even care what this person thinks of your intellectual ability, and whether or not you will have the courage to bring it up at your next session. It will open a can of worms but it may be one that needs opening. NB All of this is just stuff I wish I had done at the time, and only with the luxury of hindsight can I realise what was going wrong. At least I think that's what went wrong. I'm still quite hazy on how the heck therapy was supposed to be helping me anyway.

Best to be transparent as possible with a therapist or you are essentially wasting your money!

So:
'I felt really offended you jumped to the conclusion I'm a work-hard sort. I'm actually very clever, have done this sort of thing in my sleep for years and always achieved outstanding grades'

Then you can work on-
-why you were offended
-why you play down your (considerable) gifts
-why you cringe at 'boasting'

Etc. If you're transparent you can get to what's really going on with you. Therapy is often detective work.

therapy is not a social dynamic. You're delving into your innards to see what's going on.

NO judgement on the therapist's part - of course!! It's us who tend to do the judging...

Actually, I think it's an insulting thing for the therapist to say. Obviously they don't know whether you're naturally clever or not, which means that it's rather rude of them to imply that you're not. Let's face it, even if what he said was true, it would still be insulting. How would you feel if a friend said that? Bloody pissed off, I'd imagine.

Not insulting if that's the clear impression op has made by being self-deprecating!

He's not a mind reader. She needs to tell him what's really going on.

(Sorry about 3rd person op)

Great advice on here, to bring it up as where to start the next session.

I know i am massively projecting here, as in similar circumstances, I found myself really cross about what seemed like a throw away comment, albeit an insensitive one. My brilliant therapist had actually used the phrase on purpose, to surface what i was really concerned about, rather than what i had been describing.

Don't worry about hurting their feelings, they are a grownup, they can take it: that's what they are for.

Hope it goes well for you.

Really try not to worry about what people remark. It's not what someone say's that matters, it's why they said it - which is often nothing to do with you at all. Let your results do the talking - that's what get's remembered.

People? This isn't 'people', this is op's therapist! Bit different!

My sister, who is also very clever, used to do a version of what you're doing, OP.

"Oh no, I'm so stressed about my exams, I'm sure I'm going to do badly" etc etc. She would then get really annoyed if anyone was surprised that she got excellent results, as usual. As her sister , t used to make me roll my eyes a lot. And also wonder why she was so stressed when she didn't even think she was going to do badly.
Anyway, yes, definitely be honest with your therapist next time and with yourself, as to why you're getting stressed.