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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DD (5) to go to her dads this weekend.

28 replies

Hairyfairybumscary · 19/11/2015 09:40

Hi all, DD (5) usually goes to see her dad every weekend, he picks her up at 4:30pm Friday and fetches her back around the same time on a Sunday afternoon.

We moved 55 miles away almost two years ago and this has been the arrangement ever since. He missed last weekend because his car was in the garage so he couldn't get over to pick her up or take her back if I had taken her over.

Snow has been forecast over the weekend, more so where he lives. The route to his place is over higher moor land which is notorious in winter for accumulating snow.

I have a little bit of a conundrum, DDs dad would still like to have her this weekend as the snow wot be arriving until Saturday supposedly so it will be safe for him to drive here and back on Friday evening. He has said that if it does snow Saturday-Sunday then he won't risk bringing her back for school on Monday.

I've suggested that he misses another weekend but then that means he has my had her for 2 weekends, on the other hand I'm not particularly happy with the possibility of her missing school.

WIBU to cancel this weekend?

OP posts:
NealCaffreysHat · 19/11/2015 09:48

YABU your DD will be missing out on time with her Dad. One day off school at the age of 5 will do no harm. Also if the snow is as bad as you think will schools open?

Mrscog · 19/11/2015 09:48

Could he do something a bit different just for this weekend - collect her as normal and just take her out for a few hours? That way he gets to see her but doesn't risk travelling in bad weather.

StanSmithsChin · 19/11/2015 09:48

Yes YABU. How much snow is actually forecast because unless it is of blizzard proportions I can't really see the danger. Plus I rarely trust weather forecasts. Are you in the uk?

I would play it by ear and allow him to collect her as normal. A snowstorm could happen on a Saturday and be washed away by Sunday.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 19/11/2015 09:49

Missing school isn't good.

Can't he collect her Friday and bring her back Saturday, before the snow?

Then nobody risks driving in bad conditions and she still gets to see her dad?

Is there any reason it has to be "the whole weekend or nothing"?

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 19/11/2015 09:50

Missing school is bad.

Can't he collect her on Friday and bring her back Saturday, before it snows?

That way, nobody has to risk driving in bad conditions and she still gets to see her dad.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 19/11/2015 09:51

No idea why that split. Sorry.

titchy · 19/11/2015 09:57

Why does he have her every weekend? You should have weekends with her too.

Original poster
Hairyfairybumscary · 19/11/2015 09:57

He will want to have her for the whole weekend, I'm uneasy about it I really am.

The school she attends is a village school, most of the teachers and children live within walking distance of the school so not much chance of it being shut.

He's lied to me before about DD being ill so that he could have her for an extra two days, I confronted him when DD insisted afterwards that she hadn't been poorly at all and he said that she had wanted to stay with him a little longer.

Half of me thinks he's hoping to get snowed in with her so he gets that extra day or two which if it happens is fine but I don't want it becoming a regular occurrence.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hairyfairybumscary · 19/11/2015 09:58

I get her all week and don't actually mind having weekends to myself as selfish as that sounds, plus, I work Saturdays so it's just easier and everyone is happy.

OP posts:
Maryz · 19/11/2015 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OddlyLogical · 19/11/2015 10:03

YABU You can't plan your life around a weather forecast that might or might not be accurate, even if it is, it might not even be that bad.
What are you going to do if more snow is forecast next weekend and the weekend after?

Original poster
Hairyfairybumscary · 19/11/2015 10:05

Fair enough I suppose. I will just have to see what this weekend brings.

OP posts:
MissFitt68 · 19/11/2015 10:10

The 'snow' won't hang around long it's too mild! Yabu

carbcraver · 19/11/2015 10:10

I don't think YABU to feel that way, but YABU to stop them seeing each other.

Mehitabel6 · 19/11/2015 10:17

I think it is quite understandable as a reason if she misses a day off school. Seeing snow would be educational!

BarbarianMum · 19/11/2015 10:18

I'm not sure there is a right answer to this but I would let her go. Spending time with her dad is important and at 5 a day off school is neither here nor there.

Mehitabel6 · 19/11/2015 10:18

The forecast may be wrong anyway.

Fieryfighter · 19/11/2015 10:22

From what I've read it seems unlikely any snow is going to be bad enough to make traveling difficult, I'd be inclined to let her go, even if she does miss a day of school she's only 5 so it's really not a biggie.

Just on another note, do you mind not having any weekend time with your DD? I'm asking as my exh has my kids every third weekend with time in the week on the other weeks as he lives close.

He's thinking of moving away and wanted to have the boys every weekend and I am really upset at the idea as we do loads of things at weekends and couldn't imagine never having them on weekends.

DeepBlueLake · 19/11/2015 10:25

YABU.

There's a chance that it won't snow, and if it does, most probably the conditions will be still drivable.

Where I grew up, if it snowed unless a big dump of snow, you just got on things. You can't let weather dictate your life.

Dragonsdaughter · 19/11/2015 10:42

At 5 contact with her father is more important that a vauge possibility of missing a day at school . Middle of her GCSEs a different thing - at 5 emotional wellbeing way more significant.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 19/11/2015 11:08

Is he going to take responsibility for notifying the school on Monday morning if he can't cross the moors or will that be ex-wife work? If you are worried that he will be lying about it, let him lie to the school and not make you tell his lies for him.

It's fairly straightforward in that once the AA or RAC say that the road is clear then she needs to be brought to school or it will be an unauthorised absence regardless of her age?

I'd be pretty hacked off if he was trying to cross in bad weather though - that would be much worse than missing a few hours of reception.

whois · 19/11/2015 11:10

Yup I'm with everyone else who says it's much more important for her to spend time with her dad than the tiny chance she might miss a few hours school because it might snow and the road might be blocked.

Janeymoo50 · 19/11/2015 11:22

What has been the arrangement in the past (two years?) when there has been bad weather of any sort? Have weekends been cancelled then? Are you working this Saturday?

I'd let her go, bad weather or not.

Is there something else behind this reluctance?

longtimelurking · 19/11/2015 12:43

I think YABU, you can't plan contact time around the weather forecast. I suspect if you are being really honest with yourself you simply don't want him to have her at all, based on the back story?

Chances are if it snows heavily enough to block the roads the school would be closed anyway.

Birdsgottafly · 19/11/2015 12:49

He sounds like a parent that just wants to see his child more, if that can happen, without it negatively impacting on the child, then it should be encouraged.

OP, let this be a test and see if he does return her on time, if not, then you've got time to sort this out, before the school work becomes more demanding.

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