To tell her mum about her behaviour? A bit long

[Iliketoparrty]

I took my 10year old DN out for dinner as a birthday treat I had suggested she bring a friend which she did. Friend is also 10.

DN chose a local non chain Italian place which we have been before. They do the usual food as well as making pizza to order so you can have exactly what you want on your pizza.

Both girls chose to make their own. They also had chips and salad. The pizzas are fresh so only took 5/10 minutes to arrive once ordered.

DN's friend can be quite loud and kept shouting yuk! Rank! When she saw other dinners plates to the point I had to tell her to stop. Once the food arrived she kept getting up and wanting to walk around eating her pizza again I had to tell her to sit down. She bumped into a waiter carrying food. She was going up to other tables looking at their food. She did eat all her pizza chips and salad.

Even before we had finished our food she started shouting for cake and ice cream. By this time DN was getting embarrassed and quietly asked to go home. In the end we left without dessert.

When I dropped her friend off her mum asked how it went so I said she was a bit over excited, shouting, walking around etc. But I tried to be positive and said she seemed to enjoy the pizza. Her mum went quiet and quickly said thanks for having her goodnight.

I mentioned what went on to DSis when I took DN home and she was a bit . Dsis has texted telling me friends mum phoned her and wasn't happy I said anything about her daughter's behaviour as I was rude to have said anything. Dsis told her that she did ask so I told.

Although DH and I don't have DCs so when i mentioned this to him, i am a bit that he agrees with friends mum.

So parents was IBU?

I do look younger than I am and I have braces which don't help. I usually see myself as the discipliner when DH and I have DNs as he let's them do what they want. I'm like to treat the like a would an adults with the occasional temper tantrum.

I am aware that I often use my DNs as a measuring stick for behaviour for all kids. While not perfect they are well behaviour as my Dsis doesn't take any shit and still scares me. That's why I asked.

YWNBU. Your poor niece. This reminds me of the time we had a pizza-making party for DS (last time ever I swear) and one of his little friends misbehaved so badly I was worried there'd be an accident (running around, knocking into things). No SN, just a badly behaved youngster. When his mother came to collect him she must have seen a look on my face, even though I didn't say anything (perhaps the sigh of relief that I thought was internal, wasn't after all?). Anyway, an hour later she appeared at the door with him in tow to apologise profusely. Apparently he'd felt guilty about his behaviour and fessed up on the way back.

That is of course what you should have had from the DM, not a complaint to your sister!

If this was my child behaving as you describe I would be mortified. Which I think is the only socially acceptable response in this instance unless you lack any kind of social graces at all.

The only person who was rude was badly behaved madam's mother for complaining about you mentioning when asked BBM's behaviour!

It sounds like you were very restrained. I would have given BBM a warning, then a second before taking her home.

I don't think yabu. If she did have sen like some pp have said then you should have been informed by her mother when you told her.

I wish my DC had an auntie like you.

You handled it fine. The mother is being a dick.

The fact that your dn was embarrassed says it all really.

My dd does have additional needs and would have been mortified if any of her friends had behaved like that. I took a bunch of them out to Frankie and Benny's when she was 10 and they were brilliant... a bit loud but funny and with good manners.

I would want to know if my DD behaved like that and I would apologise.

I think you were really lovely in the first place for taking them both. If my DS (10) had acted in that way I would want to know for sure. I'd be mortified and very appologetic but I'd want to know all the same. If you didn't tell her how would she be able to help her daughter to realise that this behaviour is not acceptable.
I'd also agree hat this behaviour is not normal for a 10 year old child. Dd (6) has a friend who acts quite similarly but even on a much younger child it raises quite a few eyebrows.

I find it hard to judge how other peoples kids behave as I needed to be very mature early on. I was seriously ill at 10 having to make some difficult decisions at that age. I worry I expect too much.

DN thought the Yuks etc was funny just because she isn't allowed to do it. Once her friend started getting up I knew I would have to curb it.

I try not to be too serious and grown up with my DNs and try to have fun.

DH has agreed to bow tothe power of Mumsnet and has made me marshmallow toast

You are not expecting too much at all. If there really is no SN then that's pretty poor behaviour from a 10 year-old and her mother should be mortified, not complaining.

I think you can console yourself that the apple didn't fall far from the tree with that mother and daughter combo.

YANBU. At all.

Goodness what a rude woman, you took her ill-behaved child out and only hinted at the behaviour and instead of disciplining her child, she didn't want to know how she behaved and found it 'rude' to be told.

I'd have died if mine had acted like that and i would have made her send a 'sorry' letter to you!