to not buy boring Christmas presents?

[crappyday]

I texted SILs and BILs about nephew and niece presents. I have 9. It's a costly business!
I asked if there were any ideas for presents. Mainly due to fact that I don't see them very often, and having 3 kids myself, I know that tastes can change quickly.
They range from 5-11.
1 SIL has texted back that she'd like me to get them pajamas.

2 years ago they said dressing gowns which I ignored. I bought fun things instead.
How do i say back to them that I think that clothing is not a fun or nice thing for aunties to buy for Christmas and that I think they should provide their kids with clothes? I'm just looking for ideas or tips so I get stuff right!

If I were asked (which I am by my sis and mum) I say stuff like DS anything Lego or minions, DD1 anything girly but not too pink or Enid Blyton type books, DD2 anything pink or sparkling or frozen.

It's not like they are hard up for cash- if they were I wouldn't mind so much, but they have equivalent, if not more spare cash than us. I don't think Christmas presents are about family buying useful things.

My MIL may have caused this by always wanting to buy a toy plus an item of clothing, but that's grandma.

AIBU to think that I shouldn't buy them boring stuff for Christmas?
What shall I text back?

It is one of my pet hate that people ask what to get me or DC then totally ignore it and get something else.

Why ask if you plan to get something else anyway.

I would say that your SIL obviously has form for asking for practical gifts, given she asked for dressing gowns in the past too.

So you need to stop asking her and do your own thing.

And you really need to tell her, in advance, that you don't want to buy pyjamas, as she may need to budget to get them herself.

It's difficult when someone asks what to get and then just gets something else without telling you. If it is something that your child wants or needs, then you'll probably end up having to get it yourself.
And then either you look like some grabby, controlling individual if you try and chase them up and find out whether they did get it, so that you know beforehand if you need to get it yourself, or you're faced with a disappointed child in threadbare pyjamas on Christmas Day.

Or else you decide you'd better not risk telling someone who has asked for ideas something your child really really wants, and then have to struggle to think of something that your child would like, but hasn't really expressed a strong preference for.

FWIW, my children are always delighted with clothing as gifts, but all kids are different.

Yeah, like pp, I don't understand why you've asked SIL what to buy them if you're going to ignore it

Next time, just get them what you want.

I agree with those saying it's irritating to ignore the answer. My in laws insist on lists and then ignore them completely.
This year I have been very vague and given them generic requests rather than specifics as they never materialise. Ie asked for a needed swimsuit last year ended up in sales as needed for early January!

I am the boring Aunty as my niece and nephew get lots from other family members so my sister asks me to buy stuff they need or would be useful. I have seen her MIL have a strop as she didn't get a perfect reaction for a pair of slippers! My nephew was 3 at the time.

Hate the pressure when people ask what my DCs would like, normally have trouble deciding my own presents for them. Then there is the price matching not wanting to sound grabby or them thinking that I see them as unable to spend X amount. Clothes, books, themes are my usually reply. Some of my DCs greatest presents are items that I have never heard of or believed my DCs would not enjoy.

My DH has 7 brothers and sisters. I would love any of these aunts and uncles to ask what to get DCs. Instead they get 7 things which are a bit hit and miss. Or duplicates. Hey, Tis Christmas and DCs love we everything they are give even if only for about 48 hours.

If I were to be asked for suggestions I would be grateful. But also vagu-ish and with some options, eg "They love onsies, and x loves anything with minions and y loves seaife stuff. Lego and crafty stuff very welcome. No knitting sets please though as we have 4 and none opened :-)"

You could try "I am struggling to chose Pjs they may like, have you any other suggestions please?"

Yabu. I bet they already have too much shite in their house. Snazzy dressing gowns and pj's will last for months.

Just another perspective, could they be suffering financially and be asking for items the DC really need?

It is so frustrating to have to think up ideas for others to buy your children, especially if yoy are struggling to think of stuff yourself.

If you spent more time with your neices and nephews you would get a better idea of what they are into.

If you are going to ignore the suggestions then dont ask to start with.

I buy DNeph fantastic funky pyjamas every year. SIL says he loves them and puts them on when he gets home from school. She hates buying him clothes stuff and doesn't have much time for shopping so everyone's happy. I find inexpensive but wacky ones on eBay and Amazon and primary then some higher quality ones from John Lewis. He has other people in his life who buy him plastic tat and everyone's happy.

I repeat: everyone's happy. Think I'll say that again? everyone's happy!

You asked. Why are you complaining?

Get them all star wars onesies. There are some great ones on Amazon.

One of the best loved and easily the most used presents here was the year my auntie bought the DDs a Moshi towel each with their names printed on it.

Sometimes thinking outside the (toy) box gets the best response. Most kids love "useful" stuff if it has their favourite character on it IME.

My son's favourite birthday present this year was the duvet set his grandad got him. It has sea creatures on it which he loves. Non toy presents can be brilliant and it means one less toy to store.

I agree with those saying that its better to get something they need and actually they will probably love great star wars or minions onesies.

My DSs have everything they want toy wise. My DM in the past has completely ignored what I have said and has bought lots of "exciting" things she thinks they will like (and they have liked them for about ten minutes). We literally have a cupboard upstairs full of unused presents, things like make a tin can robot (x 10), dig around in a block of plaster for dinosaur bones, crap telescope that you can't actually see anything through, cheap remote control car that falls apart by boxing day. All perfectly good presents but my DSs love lego, board games, PS4 and playing outside. Nothing else really gets used and its such a waste.

This year thankfully she has listened to me and is getting one large lego set to share plus storm trooper onesies and darth vader dressing gowns. My DSs will love the onesies and the dressing gowns (although admittedly if they were plain navy PJs and a black towelling dressing gown they would be a bit "meh" (although not to her face!)).

Perhaps her house is like mine and full of toys. I know we've cut down on the amount we're buying this year most of last year's are rarely played with and have requested clothes from anyone who can't decide what to get them.
Obviously if they think of a toy that the DCs would enjoy then they can feel free but I'd prefer they let me know so I can get anything that's been requested myself.

As I said up thread- I'll go to primark & find onesies. But I've still no idea what their latest interests are in terms of characters etc.

Just to answer a few others- no they're not struggling for cash- SIL is headteacher of big school so doing well, BIL also a high earner.
We on the other hand have recently had a large reduction in income.

And suggesting spending more time with them- they live 5 hours away, my DH works away during the week so we don't want to spend weekends in the car for hours. We see them every summer, Easter and Christmas. But tastes change, which is why I asked the question. Eg my DD used to love pink sparkly things. Within the last few weeks she has decided she hates pink, and would be disappointed with anything super 'girly' as a gift. (I know she shouldn't be disappointed by a gift but she's only 5)

I'd love to know my 9 nephews and nieces better, and know instantly what they're into, but quite frankly, with 3 kids of my own it's enough I can do to keep up with their tastes, which is why I asked originally.

Anyway, clearly IABU and better go to primark.

I've had so many years of watching my children get over whelmed by so much 'fun stuff' with how other family members think Christmas day should be.

Much of this fun stuff ends up in the bottom of a toy box never touched it can make the day incredibly trying.

This year ive nicely said lets just buy for our own households because I cannot take the tears and tantrums because the piles of plastic tat are far to much for them

Yeah, like pp, I don't understand why you've asked SIL what to buy them if you're going to ignore it

Well I don't think it takes much of a stretch of the information to see why the OP wants to ignore this. She doesn't see the DN very often so doesn't know what they are currently in to and would enjoy. She is asking her SIL for guidance on this. Instead the SIL is saying what she would like the children to have - which is not necessarily the same as what the children would like themselves.

The OP want to get a present for her DN. If the SIL thinks the kids need new PJs and asks someone else to buy them then, in effect, this is a present for the SIL not for the children themselves.

I may be what they need but it is not necessarily the same as what they want.

OP, I think YANBU

I've asked for pjs and dressing gowns and swimming towels too. Love practical gifts as dds have loads of toys! Have also asked for books, toys, vouchers, jewellery in the past. My friends often get what I ask and sometimes don't, sometimes they buy something at random (great things and total misses!), sometimes they text me an idea and ask what I think. All are fine. In your situation I'd find something you do want to buy and then text your SIL and say you spotted this great thing and bought that instead. Or ring her and say you hate buying clothes so is there anything else you could get.

Oh and my dds do love pjs and dressing gowns as gifts - so long as they get a reasonable toy quota

I would get the pjs and a book. They probably have loads of toys already and no space hence non toy suggestions

No idea why you even bothered to ask what they want then decide not to get them.

It's like asking someone to write a Christmas list then binning it

I have to say that the best days DC and I is a pj day with lots of movies and just graze all day ( no set meals)

My DC don't actually wear pj to bed as they prefer just underwear, so to get new pj they know it will mean a special sobbing day.