To think it's OK to be more affected by stuff closer to home?

[TravellingHopefully12]

Lots of my friends are posting statuses saying things like 'Why do we care so much about Paris when things like this happen in Baghdad, Lebanon all the time and no one changes their status to Baghdad.'

It is true, and I see their point, but at the same time I find some of these posts a little smug. 'It's so much better than posting the French Flag' - etcetera.

I understand that what happens in Baghdad is horrific, and it happens all the time. If someone from Baghdad posted how sad they were, I would not dream of undermining it. If someone here posted how sad they were I also wouldn't undermine it, but it feels like people are saying 'your grief over this attack is not valid' (some of the comments and posts are very like that.)

But isn't it natural to be more affected by stuff closer to home? I have friends in Paris. DP's parents live in France. It doesn't mean I don't care about Baghdad and Syria. It just means I am really fucking sad about this and feel it like a slap in the face, and it feels that a lot of people are sneering at that. 'How dare you be sad when this happens all the time?'

But I am sad. And surely that is OK?

I agree. I have family and close friends in Paris, I have lived on rue de Charonne and have been to the Bataclan and Le Carillon. I was deeply shocked by this weekend's news.

I posted a rare post on fb to show my solidarity with my French family and friends only to see a post pop up a couple of minutes later explaining how those expressing their sadness regarding Paris and not other tragedies cheapen important messages. I don't think this is fair. I haven't posted about Beruit or Baghdad and altough I feel despair and sadness at what is happening across the world - the Paris attacks were so much closer to home that they did affect me more.

I too felt more affected by Paris, on a very selfish level it brings it home that the UK is very probably going to have an attack soon and people I know could be affected, it's a human reaction to care more about those we know personally than strangers.

In a much more simplified example we would feel more affected and be more demonstrative if a housing estate was being built right my our house than one being built miles away affecting others.

Travelling, yeah, I didn't word it very well.

Thefitfatty is spot on imo.

Dogs we had an attack a decade before Paris: London, 7 July 2005 with suicide bombers on tubes and buses.

Some of us are old enough to remember bombings not just in London by the IRA in the 70s.

DrSeth

Good post. DH is North African and does find it frustrating that some atrocities are deemed more important than others by the media.

They found a mass grave of around 80 Yazidi women in Sinjar a couple of days ago probably killed because they were too old to be sex slaves. Should they get 1 minute silence?

All of these killings are utterly unacceptable be it a concert goer in Paris or an 80 year old women in Sinjar.

YANBU. Its just human nature.

Obviously social media is full of various types of discussions and reactions to Paris. However I have realised that I don't feel any kind of emotion for anything like this whether in Paris or the Middle East. I'm curious to know whether I am 'normal' and that others want to be seen to be upset by it as they feel they should, or whether it is odd to be emotionally disconnected to this sort of thing.

I have the same non-reaction to pretty much anything involving people. Is it a genuine emotional reaction when something like this (particularly geographically close by) happens or is it a 'hope it doesn't happen to me' kind of thing?

It's difficult because I sure the people in (for example) Beirut do feel ignored and let down.... But because it's close to them.

I found 9/11 absolutely shocking. I was working on London and was taken to basement of a building, just incase it happened there. It shook me. My mum was fairly unaffected by it all. Her mother had just died and she suffered a break down over it. Mum is not a bad person, she was just more affected by something personal.

Also people are burgled everyday. I don't spend time worrying about it. It's awful for those people it happens to. However in the last month 2 of mums neighbours have been burgled. I am now worried for her and my dad, both disabled. I worry about what will happen if someone breaks in, I worry about the effect it will have on their well being (emotional and physical) and what happens if dad confronts them etc.

That does keep me awake at night. It makes me text mum first thing to make sure she is ok.

That doesn't make me a bad person.

YANBU. DP was moaning earlier about how much coverage it's getting and why the news channels aren't saying much about what else is going on in the world. It's because this is a story that could have a direct impact on people living here who could have friends/family caught up in it, know people that live in France, holiday yhere and so on. They are our neighbours and only a short distance away.

I make no apologies for being more interested in this than what's going on in Israel for example. It doesn't mean I don't care about the rest of the world.

I live in a northern town with a high Percentage of Asian/Pakistani community. When the earthquakes in Pakistan happened it was very high profile in my town. So I think we do pick and choose what is more important for us. We also heard of the personal tragedies of families in the city. I also think the reporting of news affects what we see.

YANBU- my feelings echo yours and a lot of other posters. Of course I am deeply saddened that this is happening at all, but I have three sets of friends currently living in Paris, watching the coverage on Friday night I was in tears, thankfully my friends are safe but it was close, they had to run for their lives. When you know directly the people/country/area/landmarks it's happening to it gives you a completely different perspective.

YANBU. I've seen a lot of this as well, mainly from one person I've got to say. She's one of these pro Palestine types, a cause I don't disagree with in principal but some of the things she posts are borderline anti Semitic at times anyway. As soon as Friday nights events happened I knew she'd be on Facebook harping on "what about Syria/Palestine/insert here", and guess what I was right. She didn't express any sympathy for Paris either...

I think a lot of these people are just pseudo intellectual idiots who are so desperate to be seen a right off and liberal that they miss the point entirely, which is that a major terrorist atrocity, the kind of which we've never seen before, has just happened on the streets of a Europan Capital City. More to the point it's in an country that neighbours our own. It's very close to home, and whilst I do care for people in Syria, I care more for the safety of my own loved ones.

So you can't see why that's so worrying to a lotof people and why it's hogging the news, then you are an idiot quire frankly.

I agree with you completely OP.

We recognise French when we hear it, most of it learnt it, most of us have French friends, and have done French exchanges and have been to France and can list off lots of famous French people. Just personally, I don't know anybody from Beirut, wouldn't recognise the language if I heard it, I could hardly pinpoint it on a map, I don't know who the country's leaders are, I don't know have any plans to go there............. So, it's just kind of natural. Imo.

But that doesn't mean I don't care about things that are happening in Beirut.

Coverage in the Middle East seems to be double edged if they occupy the west screen time it is deemed to be giving the terrorists fuel to commit more sickening acts and continually upping the perversity. Whilst I am more connected to Paris is seems by the lack of news coverage that the refugee crisis seems to have disappeared, all those stuck in Egypt must be back. BBC and sky seem to focus on one incident and put everything into that topic until the next topic occurs and the prior is then shelved.

I like to think that I am fairly egalitarian in my horror and sadness at the loss of any human life in such brutal circumstances. But ... I think the Paris thing has made it all just a little too real because we were doing what the people in Paris were doing on Friday night and with our ds1: gig in a basement bar on a busy Friday night in a pretty, bustling city. When the ordinary becomes a terrorist target it's just a bit ... unsettling? Real? BIL was in Stockholm for the U2 concert the night after the one that was cancelled after a man with a gun was stopped from entering ... so near and yet so far. I think I get where you are coming from although I would like to think that it has served to open eyes to the horrible reality that others face on a far more frequent basis.

I find it all a bit distasteful tbh but am having difficulty articulating why. It is a bit Western World centric, but then we do live in the Western World.

But it doesn't matter how many people are able to say why they feel closer to what happened in Paris compared to other attacks taking place around the world, there are still an awful lot of people feeling noble and riding the bandwagon.

I'd be interested in what Social Scientists' views are. I'd say that social media influences a lot more about how we feel about world events than most people realise or care to have it pointed out to us.

Yanbu - i have been concerned about all of this for years now. However, when it happened in france recently was when i first felt the fear.
I know things have happened even closer to home, but i think the way this was carried out has made an impact. That is what they were aiming for and it has worked.
I did feel a pang of guilt as i heard about the other places and i realised i had the french flag on my fb profile. I dont feel i was in the wrong for allowing that incident to affect me more. I cant help how something makes me feel, just the same as everyone else.
I did take the flag down, and changed to something that was for the world, rather than any specific location as that suited me better.

I dont feel anybody should use someones facebook profile picture to decide whether they are more supportive of one place than another, or if they are supportive at all. Its a fricken pic, that is all.

The French events were shocking to us because they involved unmasked armed young people targeting unarmed young people engaged in leisure activities in a city believing itself to be at peace.

This may happen in other areas and if it does, I would be equally horrified but I don't hear about them.

They don't make the news.

Feeling sad when you hear about something doesn't mean you don't feel sad about things you don't know about.

This map shows how much tragedy is supposed to affect us.
The translation for the colours is:
Red - what a great tragedy.
Yellow - oh dear, how sad.
Green - oh well that's life.
Blue - wait a minute, that country exists?
Brown - yeah and.

I would expect that map would be be different for everyone depending on where they live.

There is nothing wrong with being more upset about something terrible happening to your neighbour than to someone you've never met who lives on the other side of town. As long as you understand that they are both terrible.

Yes, that map appeared on my Facebook feed. These people are just insecure so they like to make themselves look good by posting bollocks like that, it makes them look clever (or so they think).

Dh and I caught up in 7 / 7 our bus route, my room mate at work sister died she was only 23. Rang my parents to reassure them we were ok they were nonplussed and wondered what the fuss was about tucked away in their somerset village.

Funnily enough mum very upset by the drama about it about the vicar whose daughter was killed and I was ummm yes it was upsetting wasn't it. Just hadn't registered with her how close we were.

From a purely self preservation standpoint.
I am affected by events in Paris because I fear that we in Britain are the next target for ISIS. That does not mean that I don't empathise or feel sympathy for others , it just means that I realise it can happen to anyone.
However , I can imagine why people from areas such as Beirut are frustrated by the
attention that Paris has received.
I agree with Dr Seth about the fact that those in Beirut etc will feel that their lives are seen to be of less value and as a result may have some sympathy with ISIS

Do the people of Lebanon etc grieve the Paris murders? Ie do they change their social media pictures to the French flag? Or would they change it to whichever country is closest to them (either in location or personal dealings)