Should I let it go or say something?

[ymba]

Many years ago at university I moved in with two people. I'll call them Sarah and Liz.

At the time I hadn't found anywhere to live and I heard through a friend of a friend that Liz was looking for a 3rd housemate so I contacted Liz. I knew of her and we weren't exactly close friends but she responded and said they needed a 3rd housemate and thus I moved in.

I should add that Sarah and Liz were best friends at this time.

When I moved in Sarah was courteous to me but I could see she just saw me as the added extra to make the house full. Over time Sarah and I became incredibly close. We'd speak all day, meet up during lunch breaks and borrowed each others clothes. We become best friends.

A year or so ago, Liz and Sarah had an argument which pretty much terminated their friendship. It was about Liz not liking Sarah's new boyfriend and wanting to control her. I stayed out of it but was always a listening ear to Sarah. Liz also said she disliked how close Sarah and I had become. I understand this but I never got involved in their friendship.

Now my AIBU. One night (when we were at Uni) we were all preparing to go out Sarah's phone buzzed and she asked me to read out the message as she was rushing up the stairs, the message was pretty simple - it regarded a confirmation of a pizza she'd ordered but at the same time Liz texted her. I was slightly confused that Liz would text her when we are all in the same house, surely she could have just gone to her room and spoken to her. I then read the subsequent messages between them and it transpired that Sarah and Liz had always been talking badly about me.

Fast forward many years later, I am now still incredibly close with Sarah and we talk every day but I can't get over why she spoke so badly about me in her texts to Liz. Should I confront her or just get over it?

I think you should leave it. Sarah didn't know you so well at the time and was making comments without knowing who you really were. You also don't know if it were her or Liz leading. I think often when we are young we can build up relationships around unhealthy dynamics like slagging other people off. It is a sign of immaturity, I think. I would put it down to that and just think that it is well you have grown up a lot since your student days.

I would leave it.

A 19yo is generally more immature than someone I. Their late 30s. More easily led, not as kind or thoughtful, maybe more inclined to be bitchy.

What im trying to say is she's probably a different person now than ten years ago.

If she's been a good friend to you since and given you no reason to be upset with her then just leave it. Tell yourself she would be embarrassed and apologetic......im sure she would be. But you do risk rocking your relationship and is it worth it?