WIBU to pull him up on using this word?

[MascaraAndConverse89]

The R word.

Someone said it on Facebook tonight because he didn't agree with someone's opinion. I told him it's a vile and offensive term and that he has no moral high ground using that word. His family members told me not to read his posts if I don't like it . Lovely bunch of people that they are.
Was I over reacting, or am I right to be so annoyed that someone who is apparently "well educated" would use this word as an insult?!

Thank you hazeyjane for posting that link, it's an incredibly sensitive and intelligent response, humbled

YANBU. Someone on my friends list who is a nurse used this on her status and I PMd her to say "be careful as its a no-no" type thing. She was fine and edited it

It is not 'just a word'; it is an outdated and derogatory term. Just like 'n*r' or 'pi". Would you say that people are entitled to use those words without being 'harassed by do-gooders'??
Yes, language evolves. Or rather our understanding of language evolves. Words that used to be used in general conversation ('n*r brown) have evolved: decent people don't use that word any more, because it is a vile racist slur.

As a disabled person (physically) I and many of my friends consider this hate speech - it's a really upsetting word. I always call people out on it - the only time I didn't in recent memory was at a wedding with someone I'm unlikely to ever see again and who I thought wouldn't react well. And I've been really annoyed with myself for letting it go ever since.

I may get deleted for this but…
RealityCheque fuck off!

No one I know would let this lie, no more than they would Paki, or Nigger or Fag.

Let's not these words out, they are hugely offensive and in some cases illegal.

There's a reason for that.

Because they are.

RealityCheque wtaf? It is a slur. A horrible, nasty word used against people with disabilities not just a colloquialism or similar. Nothing do-gooder about finding that unacceptable at all, just basic decency.

Yanbu, that word should have no place in modern society and is only used as an insult.

Ummm....no, it isn't actually. To be used as a name to someone is offensive, but the word retard is actually a verb, not a noun.

YANBU. i also hate 'fucktard' and have asked people not to use it when I can.

You advance or retard ignition timing when working on an engine. That's the only context in which it's acceptable, for me.

May I respectfully draw attention to the fact that "fuck" is also in the Oxford English Dictionary. I guess that makes it well-educated to tell the guy and his family to fuck off then. Hurrah!

Reality Cheque : It's just a word?

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words ...

-directly reflect and re-enforce social attitudes and structures that have real consequences on my life, such as my ability to stay employed or housed, my mental health, my ability to form trusting and long lasting relationships, my perceived value to others, and also the physical safety of myself and my loved ones,

so indirectly words may also contribute to actually breaking my bones, especially because those words and the bone-breaking sticks and rocks are usually wielded by the same people. so yeah, language has power, words do actually contribute to a whole robust system that causes individual and societal harm,

and it's probably best that we start acknowledging that instead of pretending that the only way of harming someone is physically beating them with blunt objects?"

via RobotHugs.

yanbu
even mn hq delete it as disablist now

YABU to refer it as the R word.

My DH and step kids think it's fine, I've given up.

YANBU - It's offensive.

Ffs, 80s, don't give up!

80s Please don't give up. It isn't fine.
OP You did the right thing.
Reality Fuck off to the far side!

To add to your ire... mechanics and engineers use the word quite often. It means to delay something, to hold it back, make it slower, retard : advance, slow down : speed up

It is used by economists... we are currently living with retarded economic growth.

All sorts of non disablist ways of using the word exist. Sadly we have become fixated on the one nasty negative definition of the word.

Geneticist said my son has Mental retardation in his report do it is a term that is still used.
I used to get really upset by it and shout out on Facebook but now I've given up... People are idiots.
The word is used in and out of context!!!!
Think I've just got a hard shell now ...

A lot of OP's in AIBU seem to fall into the same category as this one.

I think polishing your halo here by telling an acquaintance how morally inferior to you they are will have predictable results with each audience.

I'm reminded of the movie "Blast from the past" where Brendan Fraser's character emerges from decades spent in a nuclear shelter, and his impeccable 1950's manners meet modern youth, who are genuinely nonplussed to discover that the purpose of good manners is not to enable you to look down your nose at other people.

Alicia Silverstone as Eve discussing him with her brother:-

Eve: Now hold on, hold on just a minute! In the first place I do not fall in love with weirdos who I've only known for four or five days!

Troy: Yes you do.

Eve: And I don't fall in love with grown men who collect baseball cards!

Troy: Yes you do.

Eve: Or pee in their pants when they see the ocean!

Troy: Yes you do.

Eve: Or have perfect table manners!

Troy: You know, I asked him about that. He said, good manners are just a way of showing other people we have respect for them. See, I didn't know that, I thought it was just a way of acting all superior. Oh and you know what else he told me?

Eve: What?

Troy: He thinks I'm a gentleman and you're a lady.

Eve: [disgusted] Well, consider the source! I don't even know what a lady is.

Troy: I know, I mean I thought a "gentleman" was somebody that owned horses. But it turns out, his short and simple definition of a lady or a gentleman is, someone who always tries to make sure the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible.

Eve: Where do you think he got all that information?

Troy: From the oddest place - his parents. I mean, I don't think I got that memo from mine.

I have a couple of friends who have used it in the past in general conversation and I've winced and explained why it isn't a nice word to use. They don't use it now. (Or at least not in front of me!) It's a start. I think it's important to challenge these things rather than just walk away or hide people on FB who use it.

OP YANBU to challenge it but it sounds like you ended up in a bun fight

Ironically, I may be guilty of the same lack of diplomacy as the OP. CBA to work out if I am.

By lack of diplomacy I mean inability to complain about behaviour in a way that has some chance of changing behaviour.

For example, instead of "you are a cunt because you said X" try non-judgemental shaming, "I know you don't realise this, but a lot of people think saying X is wrong, because of (reason) R, and they will think you are a cunt. Why don't you use word Y instead". The non-judgemental part is where you don't let on that you are in the "lot of people" group. Letting on isn't going to help, except maybe if he is five and you are his mother. Or he's in love with you.

Anyway, this is just my take. I don't claim to have highly developed social skills, someone else with a better analysis will probably comment.