To feel betrayed by my colleagues affair?

[summerbreeze90]

I am good friends with two colleagues - one male, one female. Both married and both older than me (I am in my 30's, they are in their 50's). We would often go out together and have drinks after work - all innocent (I thought).

One of them has just sent a text meant for the other to me by mistake. It is obviously that they are having an affair.

I am completely shocked, saddened and disgusted. I also feel a bit used and betrayed. Was I just a decoy to make spending time together acceptable?

Also, I am not sure whether to approach them about this. It is quite difficult to back off, as we work very closely together. Help!

I would see if they come to you to talk about it before I mentioned it. Otherwise I would let sleeping dogs lie - is it really any of your business? Do you know their spouses?

I would reply to the text, asking who exactly it was meant to be sent to.

One of them has just rang me, giving me some bullshit story about how this is a "game" they play sometimes. Honestly, they must think I am daft.

Make am excuse if they ask you to accompany them next time. You've been used by the sound of it.

If you are good friends too with any of the spouses this could make things more difficult.

I would reply and just say; "I don't think you intended to send this to me".

I would expect that they will either call/text you or avoid you and be very embarrassed when they see you next, and either way you'll know what's going on.

Yeah, I agree with what paperdolly said. I would just ease off and not enter into any situation where you could be used as an alibi.

Just detach yourself completely and let them get on with it

Pair of bloody fools

i'd have popcorn and beer and just be watching enthralled. i'd be entertained, not annoyed. but that's me all over.

What do they act like when you're together? They must be meeting up without you there otherwise it's not really an affair, so I would say you're not being used. Maybe they do both like spending time with you but they are having an affair and are secretly meeting at other times.

Text back

Hahahahahahahahahaha you must think I was born yesterday you twat.

Entertained that two families might be destroyed, Baroness?

Oh I had this a few years ago....

I worked at an architects we went to another city for an overnight Christmas party (too far to travel back the same night) and had to endure 2 people (both married) slobbering over themselves at the bar, then the married female who I was sharing a room with invited him back to our room! he had a drink but I said to them both in veiled terms, "he's not staying here is he?!" And he didn't. I couldn't believe the cheek of them both trying to use a room I was sleeping on and of course back at the office it was all to be kept secret. Of course she divorced her DH and he stayed with his wife, last I heard he was staying married for the kids but his poor wife was on antidepressants unsurprisingly.

I'd do as AF says though and detach in your case. Let them both self destruct.

"...I would say you're not being used. Maybe they do both like spending time with you...."

But more with each other eh, Caspo? I think she's being used as a cover at work no matter what happens outside that time.

We would often go out together and have drinks after work - all innocent (I thought).

Could be using you as a smokescreen.

I know someone who did this, they would meet up with 'friends' and then carry on once the innocent friend went home.

I wouldn't be meeting them socially after this.

Both have teenage kids. I haven't met their spouses (thank God), but they always seemed very happy with them and talked about them a lot.

I think you are right Caspo, they do enjoy my company. We are (were?) friends. But I have lost respect for the pair of them. I am definitely going to extricate myself socially - although they are both in management at work so I cannot avoid them completely.

I just feel sad - it seems that almost everyone seems to be cheating!

only on a superficial level of course Imperial. surely that goes without saying? we're all rational here.
aren't we....?
i would stay out of it and not get involved. but i'd rather be entertained than outraged. i don't see how being an observer could make things much worse.

I get being annoyed, angry, uncomfortable. But betrayed?!

I'm not.

I'd feel a bit betrayed, if two people were presenting invites to after work drinks as motivated by friendship, and then I realised I was being used as a cover. I'm sure they do like the OP, but not enough to be honest with her, and not enough to avoid involving her, unbenownst, in their shenanigans.

Unless you are related to or are lifelong friends with either spouse (and even then I'd argue it's nothing to do with you) I think you need to emotionally detach and remain professional.

Feeling 'betrayed' implies you are overly invested and improperly involved in something that really has nothing to do with you.

They're colleagues. Unless there is a direct impact on the job you're actually paid to do, rather than the relationship you've all evolved, leave them to it and preserve your detachment and dignity.

I agree that the relationship with the colleagues should remain professional. I just don't think they sound the friends they presented themselves as being. Especially fibbing as they have, since being caught out.