to have bollocked three strangers

[GoringBit]

I probably was, but I am so angry. Background, we were in Paris with family/friends last week, came back to London this afternoon. We were a way from the terror attacks, but not far.

In a pub, a woman near us is on a skype call with a man. Her two friends join her and she tells the other guy to repeat the joke he just told her; it was about the terrorist attacks in Paris. No fucking way am I reoedting it, but it was horrible.

I've just said - fairly forcibly - that god forbid they should have someone close to them involved in something like that. They said it wasn't funny, and they hadn't laughed and that basically I was overreacting. I said that they shouldn't have tolerated it and that they should have pulled him up on it. I was shaking, but whether with anger or some other worry for loved ones still there, I don't know, maybe both.

I hadn't realised how much last night had shaken me up, so WIBU? I'm not normally a previous snowflake, but maybe I should have accepted that people make bad jokes about horrible things and just silently judged them.

Do I just need need to have a word with myself?

No, YANBU. If she thought it wasn't funny then she shouldn't have asked him to repeat it where people could hear. (Even if she did think it was funny she shouldn't be broadcasting offensive content.)

Hope you're OK now, it all feels terribly close to home doesn't it?

It's hard to judge without knowing what the joke was.

did not did
stupid formatting

It does feel a bit raw; I grew up with IRA bombings, I was at London Bridge when a car bomb went off in Tooley Street, and I was in central London on 7/7, so this isn't new, iyswim. Maybe it's because we've left loved ones there; I think I'd feel differently if we were still there, if that makes any sense at all.

Armani I hear you, but I can't. It was making a joke of parents losing their children, people losing their partners of children. The fuckers.

YANBU

It is awful that people are making jokes. Good on you for saying something.

YANBU
There are some callous fuckers around;
Zero empathy to joke when there are people being visited right now by the police, giving them the tragic news that they have lost their children, their siblings, the love if their life.
Some victims have yet to be identified.

Well done for bollocking those twats.

I can't decide if you were being unreasonable or not tbh. On the one hand you were upset. On the other, you weren't party to their conversation and there's a long tradition of using humour to process events and tragedies.

I think a lot of people find comfort from distressing current events in black humour.

I often do, but I'll admit it hadn't crossed my mind to go running to Sickipedia today. I have done previously though, I'll admit that.

I doubt very much that the individuals you shouted at believe anything other than what happened is obscene. So imo, you were BU to 'bollock them', but not U to express disapproval at sharing such humour in public, when feelings are very raw.

They should have known better than to share such jokes when others, potentially without their sense of humour, could hear and be distressed by them.

Thanks for all your comments, I can see elements of U and NU. In my defence, I didn't shout. But I did go on a bit.

Goring don't worry about it. I'm sure the strangers will be fine. We all deal with these events differently.

To be honest, I really don't think you should have been listening in to their conversation - even if they were talking loudly - let alone butting in and telling them off about it. I think you were quite lucky that they were polite to you about it.

Yanbu. My thoughts are with all those effected all day today as im sure everyone on mn. I know no one there so personally not effected but the thought of those young people out at a resturant, football game and theatre has hit hard. How dare anyone make a joke about people losing their lives. X

I am inclined to believe with Gruntled

I also think you should have kept your counsel. Today in Asda the checkout server was talking to a (presumed) friend in the queue. Her complaint was 'there's nothing on the telly except France this, France that - I'm sick to death of it - just France, France, France'. I could cheerfully have pulled her up by her ears and knee'd her in her stupid face but I didn't. I almost bit a hole in my lip trying to keep quiet and even now I'm not sure if I did the right thing.

I'd feed that back to Asda iiwy Smelly. It was at least unprofessional but actually deeply offensive.

You did the right thing op.

Thanks for your comments, U and NU. I'm not normally one for sticking my oar in, I certainly won't make a habit of it.

I don't think you were being unreasonable actually. If more of us spoke up rather than keeping our counsel then perhaps people would think more carefully before talking and hiding behind the excuse of humour.

Twice I have been in similar situations and looking back I wish I had spoken up about how people were talking and how heartless it was.

The way people deal with awful, horrifying things is humour, particularly the English.
I think YAB a little U. However, that's understandable given the circumstances.

You did the right thing. I once did the same when I heard someone loudly tell their friends a sick "joke" about Madeleine McCann on the tube. I was fortified by drink and (relative) youth, and don't know if I'd have the guts to do it again, but I'm glad I did do it. I had a brother only a little older than her and it just enraged me.

YWNBU at all. They were out in public talking loudly enough for you to hear. The joke really offended you and you told them so. Nothing wrong there. You didn't break in their house to listen in and give your opinion. You overheard in a public place.

I think there is a massive difference between coping with things through use of light humour and making a sick joke mocking those who have had their lives or loved ones taken from them... I fail to see how one could even find anything humourous to say about it at all.

OP You were not unreasonable, at the very least they should have had the courstesy to keep their "joke" private. They don't know who may have overheard it and been really hurt by their comments. I think yiu did the right thing in making them think twice about it.

Wow, what's happened to freedom of speech??! Yes it was in bad taste but they weren't actually saying it to you, so I think YABU to have taken them to task. It's a shame that you overheard it and it upset you, but surely they still have a right to say what they want amongst themselves.

YANBU. It was offensive. Very offensive. I'm glad you did say something.