To say no to any more overtime?

[childcarequestions]

I'm a nanny. I work full time. I often get asked to work extra and I always say yes unless I genuinely have other plans (which is rare!)

I sometimes work overnight for the family and don't get paid as soon as the children are in bed until they wake in the morning.

I'm really starting to feel that working overnight is becoming too much. Granted, the children don't usually wake in the night, but I don't sleep well knowing I'm on duty. I don't think it's good for me or the kids because I just end up cranky after not much sleep.

I realise parents have it a lot worse, I know I'm lucky they sleep through, and I honestly admire other parents so much - I can't picture myself in a situation where I will ever survive with sleep deprivation! But WIBU to say no to any more overnight shifts? Babysitting is part of my contract, but overnights are not.

They don't work overnight, they go away for a break. Which I don't blame them for but I would like a break occasionally too.

They do tend to knock my bedroom door on an evening if it looks like I'm not going out to see if I'd mind if they pop out, and they are often late, but other than that they are good to me. The mum is lovely and really supports me if I'm having troubles, but it does feel like there are 3 parents living in the house as oppose to 2 parents and an employee.

I'm late 20s! I get meals Monday-Friday and yes, annual leave.

childcare most parents never or very rarely get to go away for a childfree overnight break, I certainly hadn't when my older children were 3 and 1 (unless you count being in hospital giving birth to DC2 when DC1 was 2!).

Its lovely for them that they get an overnight child free break every single month! However they are doing this at your expense. Essentially you are subsidising it by giving them the very generous gift of around 50 pounds worth of free child care every month so they can go and enjoy themselves.

In more recent years DH and I have been away without the kids twice (that's twice since the eldest was born 10 years ago) - DH's parents looked after the kids and we showered them with gifts (as it would be a bit odd to pay grandparents)! How rude would we have been to shrug and say "we assume you'll have the kids so we can go away, they sleep through now so you won't mind."

Your employers can't afford to go away for a break without the kids every month, if they can't afford to pay you. They have no idea how good they've got it - I don't know anyone, even people with grandparents living next door, who gets that many child free breaks!

Your employers are royally taking the piss tbh!

I would talk to them about hours and payment for overtime in very neutral terms. The difficulty is that you're living there which tips the balance even further into their hands

Alternatively I would find another job. A live out one!

I don't think you need a live-out job, I think you need employers who don't take the mickey.

I'm a childminder. I'll quite often give free time if it suits me/I'm feeling sympathetic, but if clients try to take free time without it being offered I charge them my contracted rate.

Agree they are taking the piss. They don't have a right to be out overnight whenever they want, and you deserve to be paid for being on duty. They're not friends you're doing a favour for, they're your employers. It might be worth actually going out a bit more in the evenings, even if just to a coffee place or something, to reinforce the point that you should be able to do this at any time if not being paid.

You just need to have boundaries. You can be assertive in a positive way. They won't hate you for saying no. Your request is a reasonable one, just hold on to that thought.

tendon that is a good idea. I did similar this time last year and I could tell they were miffed I wasn't here as much. They did actually 'forget' to tell me they were going out straight from work sometimes and I would miss my arrangements. The more I type the more I see how much they have taken the piss...

I think the OP does need a live out job as it is harder to stand up to the people who own the home you're living in!

If the children are asleep then maybe I wouldn't expect an hourly wage but definitely something in recognition of being effectively on call as I said earlier.

OP they're taking advantage and you're letting then

They sound very selfish.

Going away at least once a month to get a break, being late home when you have made arrangements to do something, knocking on your door when you are off duty to look after the kids so that they can go out, expecting you to be there raising their children while they look after themselves.

I'd look for another job, I think.

Whatever boundaries you try to put in place, these people will just do things to push them, like "forgetting" to let you know they'll be late home when you've made arrangements.

OP, that's ridiculous - you're on duty while the children are asleep, so you're entitled to pay! If I were you, I'd ring the ACAS helpline to clarify, write down what they say and use that either as a script when you speak to your employers or send it as an email.

I'd look for another job. If I had a nanny, I'd be very careful to treat them with respect. Partly because that is the right way to treat everyone, but also because they'd be looking after my DC. I'd want them to feel positively towards me and by extension towards my DC and I'd know that them leaving abruptly would cause problems for me working and the happiness of my whole family. There must be loads of families who feel that way and appreciate their nannies.

Next time they ask for extra is the perfect time to raise the issue "I've been meaning to talk to you about this. I think you have been making a mistake on my pay. Look, I've printed out the rules about overnights, on-calls and out of hours babysitting for you."

If they get at all miffed, when they should be apologetic, you could say "I understand it was a genuine mistake, you weren't trying to take advantage of me or deliberately underpay me. As a gesture of goodwill, I would be willing to write off all the past underpayments and we'll just get it right from here on instead."

When they knock on your door, you could say, "Ooh, thanks, a bit of extra babysitting will come in handy what with Christmas coming up. Can you pay me in cash this time to make it easier to keep track of?"

^ what run said

I disagree. I hate the passive aggressive approach. Just tell them you'd like a chat sometime about the overnights. Just tell them honestly that it's stressful for you because you can't sleep well when you're on duty and you feel tired the next day. Tell them you heard the rules had changed and that they are supposed to pay you for overnights (show them the print out) and just tell them they that perhaps it's better if you don't do them anymore or if you do do them then they have to pay you properly. It really isn't a big deal but it's better to be open and honest about how you are feeling rather that letting resentment build up. I mean, really what can they say? How can they get mad at you? They probably just didn't realise how you felt.