Is three weeks too long to come for Christmas?

[dumpylittlepixie]

My DM visits us each christmas and has always stayed around two weeks which fits in with her insisting she only travels on a Sunday. (she lives over 300 miles away) She did this when the kids were young and I was then with my Ex H.
Now ten years later and I have remarried, all the children have flown the nest and the same thing has continued to happen. As we only have a small house this then has limited us to having anyone else to stay. I have never agreed to her staying so long she just does and with her being on her own and me an only child I have just gone along with it, despite DH not being happy about it.
This year we were invited to go to Berlin just before christmas to see the markets for 3 days with my eldest DS, which means we would be leaving on the day my DM arrives. She then announces that she thinks it would be a good idea to then come a week earlier which means a 3 week stay and arriving on 13th December. I am feeling so guilty but I really do not want her up for that long especially over the last week when we will both be so busy with work etc.
AIBU to ask her not to come so early?

As she is staying so long could you just out out and do stuff by yourselves? I know my parnts expect me to do this when they visit for a week.

So is your mum planning to come to Berlin with you? (I was a bit confused why she would think of coming early otherwise?) I would just be open with her and say you will be busy with work / away until the Christmas holidays, so can she cut her trip short.

I would also try to think of ways to break the habit and set boundaries for the future. My DH's uncle has been staying with DH's parents for two weeks, every Christmas for 40 years! They have never had a Christmas on their own.

Hi mum, really looking forward to seeing you at Christmas again but I'm afraid that we're away until ... but could collect you from the station on... Also we've organised a small party for New Years Eve, you are really welcome to stay for it, I'd love to have you but I know t's not your favourite time of year so won't be offended if you want to go home before that.

Wow thank you all for your fantastic replies, I just needed to be told that I wasn't being thoughtless about my DM. Doing things out of guilt is not healthy and this situation has made me dread christmas over the years, where I have just wanted it over and done with.

DH does have some time off over the christmas break due to him working in an industry that often closes down over the two weeks. When we find we actually do not have a day to ourselves until the first sunday of the new year it's pretty depressing but we have just put up with it.
DM does not drink alcohol so every time we lift a wine glass it's noted to the point where we have actually taken it to bed so we can have a drink without being judged.
Last year we were so dreading it we said we were going to be going away for christmas and my DM told my DD that she would come to ours anyway! I cannot repeat our response to that.
I think my DM thinks it's fine as I never say anything to the contrary but the dog does get walked several more times a day than she normally would over the festive season!

Oh that sounds like me and the wine We don't drink every night but one weekend night and holidays we like to indulge but not sily drunk levels on a regular basis. Every time I speak to my dm she tels me about how much someone has drunk oh so and so drinks soooo much, Aunt Zelda went shoping there today you know how she loves wine, your Uncle Frank went to the cinema to see that film but he doesn't drink you know. I'm going to buy a scarf but i dont know how anyone could drink more than half a bottle of wine It's wierd.

If we're all together with extended family there's the feeling that she is always watching over. So what happens is we end up hiding to drink more than one glass Buying multiple bottles of the same type and putting empties in our bags so she can't fecking count bottles. Going for walks that ends in a pub so we can have a couple and say we had one. It sounds pathetic but the stress of it makes us want to drink She is getting worse about it.

My parents weren't drinkers. Df would open a bottle of wine with much ceremony on high days and holidays, and the same bottle would remain for months on the sideboard. Unsuspecting guests would readily accept a glass of wine only to suffer a near-death experience when they actually took a swig of a glass of Blue Nun that was not only lukewarm but had been left with the top off for 3 months...

Kramp and Rhoda you have made me giggle! So similar Kramp and really annoys me too. Fair enough she doesn't want to drink and will readily accept 15 cups of tea instead (but of course caffeine and cane sugar is perfectly safe to have in high volumes
Now my kids can all have a tipple she almost wears herself out monitoring everyone's alcohol consumption and although not big drinkers it does rather ruin the festivities. I even make DM a cuppa and make one for myself except mine is filled with wine and I make sure sit on the opposite sofa!
We also have the hide the empties game and yes I want to tell her maybe if she didn't come for so long I wouldn't need a drink in the first place. Cheers

As a mum of adult children the longest I would ever stay over Christmas is 23rd to 27th.
I am currently visiting ds who lives in Turkey. I arrived yesterday and will go home on Sunday. I always set a week as maximum stay and leave them wanting more!

Agree with you, Pranma.

When we visit DS & DIL (who live abroad) they always say we haven't stayed long enough. Music to my ears!