Take dds out of school and live in a foreign country/school for a month?

[Harriedharriet]

Just that really! I live abroad and have spent last 10 years as the "traveling spouse" and having babies. We have lived in 3 countries and 5 cities in last 10 years. We are settled now in new city. Have been here 1 year. And will probably be here for a further 3. All traveling has been done on DH's home turf and with his job. I have hit a wall. I feel alienated, very tired and, even though I am loath to admit it, probably lonely.
I would like to take the 3 dds and live away from here for one month. I could go home and put them in a rural school. Or I could anywhere. Children are 8, 7 and 4. Like and love DH so will def come back. Just feel that they are still young enough to take out of school without terrible consequences. AIBU?

I always thought dragging kids round from school to school, and city to city was unsettling for them?

Could you time the trip over a school holiday then they wouldn't really miss much.
I don't know what the holidays are like where you are but you could be away the week before christmas , 2. Weeks over the Christmas break and one week after.

If it's only for a month, I would be hesitant to muck about with school places. Agree with PPs about extending school holidays. I just think trying to get a school place somewhere else for month is a bit pointless when a month is essentially a long holiday. (And would "fit" in the long summer break anyway)

I don't know anything about the "wanderlust fatigue" - I am the most suburban person ever and DH has never lived more than 0.5 miles from the house he grew up in - you seem to be experiencing but I know I couldn't deal with the constant upheaval and hope you find something to help you cope.

I'm another expat who spends at least 2 mths of the year back in the UK. Though I, personally, would hesitate to bother putting kids into another school for just a month, I'd certainly not hesitate to take them "home" or elsewhere for a month or so in the long holidays, or add a week on at Christmas etc.

If you are going to do it, definitely do it now while they are little, dd is now 12 and whilst up to a certain age she was quite happy to go and spend 2 mths at Granny's with me in the summer, there was a definite change once firm friendships were formed here and for this reason, I changed my summer job and we now both go to an int'l language school (residential) I work, she meets kids from all over the world win-win!

Oh, we don't take dp either.....Italian men are like smelly French cheese. Marvellous in their place of origin, but rarely travel well over long distances

It wouldn't cross either of our minds that he would come.

cant see that the school would be happy.....a month out of school will get you a fine in the uk surely (thats if you are in the uk)

She's not in the UK, Potato, I don't think.

Here, no-one would bat an eyelid. I'm about to lose half a class for about 4mths.

Kids go out for months at a time and then come back.

Not sure where were going to stay!!!! Christmas will be at my parents, who have just downsized.
Think I'll probable try for a 6 week let somewhere, but it will be high season for some of it. I need to get thinking on that one!!!

green we have a similiar problem and my PIL just didn't have the finances to afford a bigger place. We rent our own place while visiting and are looking at buying an apartment that can be let as a vacation apartment while we are gone. Luckily in the UK my father has a whole wing for us even though we have downsized. It's bliss when we visit as we can just do our own thing and not disturb him. We did two nights at the PIL with 4 of us in a 10x8 bedroom and I checked us into the local hotel. I had slept about 4 hours over the 2 nights after having next to no sleep flying over.

OP I really hear where you are coming from. I thank my lucky stars that we have been posted to the NYC area for 10 years now. DH is on a fab contract which many tell me isn't offered anymore. Either way I think if you are unhappy you and your DH need to look at a more long term solution. I've seen expat families here really struggle because the wife wasn't happy. It affects everyone. Also, expat life is exhausting when you are moving around like you are. That needs to be figured out.

What I have seen work in cases like yours where the trailing spouse isn't happy is boarding school for the DC. This gives the kids a steady education plus gives you the opportunity to spend more time over exeats and half terms in the UK. There were quite a few families who did this. The DC returned to the expat life around the end of term holidays but the trailing spouse would fly back to do start of term drop off, fly back after the first exeat, fly back for half term and back to their DH at the end of the following exeat. The DC would fly home unaccompanied minors at the end of term. Each term you would spend 6-7 weeks in the UK and your DC wouldn't have their education interrupted.

It's a bit odd to want to leave your dh for a month.

No it's not. Lots of partners don't actually see all that much of each other due to work during the week, especially if one travels. So it's not strange to want to do something exciting that as a by product takes you away from your partner.

It's not connecting with your roots if you don't know where you want to go, and just have a vague feeling you want to be somewhere else. I spent over 20 years as a trailing spouse, and there are a billion people that want to be moving again the minute they are settled. you say now you want to be around people that know you, but your op said possibly 'home' and possibly anywhere.

If you have made a concrete decision that you need to be around family at 'home' for a while, then I am glad this thread helped cement that for you. It's not what you said at the beginning though - it was a vague 'anywhere' and a need to get out for a while.

Good luck with planning your trip home. I would still do it over the summer - much more chance of the kids seeing all the relatives etc. when I took the kids back it wasn't a holiday as we spent 6 weeks visiting everyone, so it was great to see everyone, but not restful and peaceful.

Thank you everybody. I am having a terrible time with Mumsnet and my I pad reloading every two seconds! Good call MAD - you nailed it. At the end of the day I just want to get out of this country for a while. I have not gone home for two years and had a very, very quick trip last year. So it is time. Will reflect and many thanks to all for some solid opinions.

In my experience international schools take at least a 4 week break during the school year. So I'm not sure why you'd need to take them out of school?

Trailing spouse here too, I totally understand your feelings especially if you have not been home for two years !

It also depends on where you are located, there are hardship countries where we had to leave every 6 weeks for our sanity, there are other countries where we only left for the long school holidays, as all our friends and family were queuing up to visit us.

What are your plans for the christmas holidays? Can you tag on a week or two and have a nice long break without the need to put the kids in another school.

I spend every school summer holiday back home (8 weeks), I could not support the expat life if I did not have that connection to family and friends. Depending on where we are located DH will join us most weekends or if it is longhaul he will join us for 2 or 3 weeks. It's much tougher for that annual reconnection if you are in Australia or South Africa where the holiday term is so different.

Good luck with your decision, I think it is definitely time for a little escape home, for however long it may be.

OP maybe ask for this to be moved to Living Overseas as there will be a lot of TS's who will get where you're coming from.

I dont think YABU but I wouldnt bother with school for a month tbh- i.e. if I was worried about the impact of them missing school for a month I wouldn't do it at all, as 4 weeks in a strange school is unlikely to be of any academic benefit.

Anyway, I sympathise. We've been fortunate to be in HK for the last 6 years so we're pretty settled, but I think the biannual move is very tough on trailing spouses and some postings are just not fun.

I have a friend who nearly exploded with fury at getting lectured by another friend on how she should embrace their impending move to Lusako (with a 3 year old with ASD and a newborn). She said "You know, for once I'd just love someone to say "Really, that's going to be shit. Poor you""

Also op, though maybe you are not like me in this, I have this idea of spending a short time in a UK school because I essentially don't like the international school vibe, the tenuous connections the children seem to make, the pyp curriculum. Much ad I try to see the positives in it I basically don't live and crave to see my children back on the lovely local school in London!
You may not be doing it for those reasons, just saying if I had the chance I would love to out my children in a UK school, but maybe for a whole term.
I know a lot of people don't get me on this though.

That should read ' basically don't love it'