Friendship group politics - is this a bit rude?

[Plateofcrumbs]

Keeping details a bit vague to avoid outing myself...

I met a group of women - six of us - a couple of years ago through a shared interest, let's call it a running club. We set up a Facebook group, chatted regularly and frequently arranged meet-ups, both to go running and increasingly for social meet-ups. The group really bonded and we have supported each other through various ups and downs.

Often only a couple of people can meet but we've always invited everyone in the group.

However it's become apparent that one person is arranging meet ups with one or two others without telling the rest of us, then dropping references into our Facebook chats ('oh Moira, forgot to ask where you got those new trainers from?' type of thing).

AIBU to think this is a bit rude? Or should I just accept that friendship groups inevitably splinter up?

Buxtonbubbles that's EXACTLY what I don't post, and tbf neither do any of the others in our little group. It's just plain rude. Yes, next Monday week me and two of the others will be meeting up, and yes, we haven't invited the other four. So we've done it with PMs and texts. Our reason for meeting up is that A) we actually all three know each other really well from before the group was ever started and B) we want to have a big gossip about a mutual friend, not part of our FB group, dating back to when we three first met. Our FB group is actually a walking group, it's something we all have to do for the benefit of our dogs as well as ourselves, so it happens daily anyway.

I think that if 5 out of a group of 6 met up and excluded one person, that would be unkind. If 2 or 3 people want to meet up, that's fine

Fair enough if they want to meet up in a smaller group but I think it's rude of them to then talk about it in front of the rest of you. It's like they want those of you that weren't invited to know that you weren't invited.

I always think it's rude when people make arrangements in front of others or on Facebook walls, like they are trying to show others how popular they are! Two friends of mine whom I introduced to each other are always making their arrangements to meet on their FB walls, making it clear to me that I'm not invited. I get that they think the other one is brilliant etc etc but I'd rather they made their plans in private rather than rub my face in it.

Not really rude.... But if that's what they want to do then fine. No skin off my nose really.

It is not rude for people to choose to see each other independently of others.

It is a little bit thoughtless to display their closer connection in front of others. Kind of like when you're hanging out with a couple, and they have a little dialogue about stuff that only they could know and the others are sat there like lemons.

But the group does NOT have to move as a pack at all times, no. People are free agents, and some form closer connections to each other.

It's not rude to see each other if they feel a particular affinity. It is rude, I think, to use your group chat to talk about it.

I think it's fine. Clearly people shouldn't talk at length about stuff they did to which you weren't invited just for the sake of it, but if it's stuff like "Cheryl and I went to see spectre, have you seen it?" then it's completely fine and would be weirder to hide it.

Agree - fine to meet up with friends, but rude to conspiculously reference it in the wider group.