Is this unreasonable or in bad taste of me

[Vodkasquirts]

Father-in-law has recently passed away and His funeral is the same time my husband /his son passed away 10 years ago.

Am I unreasonable to take the flowers I get for the service off me and my son also his grandson/dad at the end of the service and put on husband's / his son's headstone.

My mum says you cant do that but I am sure I have heard of people doing similar.

Thanks for reading

When ds great granddad died last year his granny (great granddad's daughter), brought flowers for DS to put on his dad's grave (her son). It was quite honestly beautiful and touching. Her father was buried beside her son and her grandson placed flowers for them both.

Do it op. It is truly a lovely gesture. My thoughts are with you

Given it's a cremation, this is fine. Much better that the flowers go somewhere meaningful than are removed later by the crematorium. Hope it all goes ok.

When MIL died we put some flowers on DH's grandmother's grave as well.

Not to be insensitive, but the dead don't return to the graveyards and the flowers don't benefit them any. So it's up to you on how you choose to honor their lives and keep them alive in your memory.

If flowers is how you want to do that, then I think you should.

We don't visit the graveyard to see MIL or bring flowers, because as DH puts it, there's no point to drive an hour to look at a slab of stone. But we do honor her in other ways like keeping her pictures up in the house, keeping out some of her knickknacks she loved, cook some of her recipes, stuff like that. We keep her alive and honor her memory in other ways.

But everyone honors the dead differently and I think making the grave site look nice is a great way to do it as well.

I was at my uncle's funeral last week. His wife is buried in a plot behind. His DCs put their flowers on their mum's grave as we left the graveside. I thought it was a lovely gesture.

At a cremation the flowers will moved anyway straight after the mourners leave so why not put them on your husband's plot. I'm sorry for your loss.

Do whatever will give you comfort.

Both my wedding bouquets have gone to a good friend's grave who didn't have the chance to marry. Do whatever makes you feel better. Sorry for your losses.

That's a lovely gesture Moops

My wedding bouquet went on my grandmothers grave.

When my grandfather passed away the arrangement from his coffin was bought over to the tea house and everyone was encouraged to take a few blooms and go and place them on our loved ones graves.

*I've heard people putting flowers from their wedding on a loved ones grave, but not funeral flowers. Do you mean that the flowers you get for your fil's funeral won't be left on his grave, but put on your late husband's grave? If so, that doesn't quite sit right with me. Surely the flowers are for your fil.

I was thinking along the same lines as Justmuddling, but it appears we are both wrong.

Personally I would get flowers for your fil, if they are having flowers and take along some extra flowers to put on your husband's memorial. But entirely your decision.

I went to funeral of ex boyfriends grandad, dads dad. It was cremation and some of the flowers were moved to graves of ex boyfriends mums parents so not even blood related.

I think this is lovely. But I also would order double extra flowers in case it looked a bit thin on either.

I am so sorry you have been through such a lot of loss. for you.

Of course, we always do that in our family and it can turn out to be quite lovely visiting everyone. My sisters flowers were divvied up between 16 graves the next day and we loved visiting them all.

If you have to consider the cost, can you go elsewhere rather than the florist, and not get a big formal arrangement?

You can get lovely flowers cheaply in the supermarket or market, lilies and roses and such, could you buy two nice bunches and put one on each grave at the end?

You could wrap them in nicer paper first.

When we lost our first baby I hated the formal arrangements. They didn't seem right for a baby, so we bought a mixture of white flowers and just wrapped them ourselves in a spray to lay on the ground. It looked lovely, it didn't cost a great deal, and it felt personal and right for us.

Failing that, but something where you can easily remove a couple of flowers and you and your son take one each to leave on your husbands grave.

I don't think there's anything wrong about taking some of the flowers from your FIL's bouquets and leaving them on his son's grave. It seems a nice way to bring them together on the day to me. You may not be the only person wanting to do the same thing.

At my mums funeral last week the undertaker, said we could, either leave the flowers where they were, take them with us, or donate the Underraker's Chapel of Rest.

I had no idea of these options so it must be quite common now.