To be frustrated with ds?

[Givinguph0pe]

He's 6 and wears glasses. He's had the dilating drops in his eyes numerous times but today for some reason it wasn't happening.
There were three nurses and me trying to hold him down and he was kicking and screaming. I'm 28 weeks pregnant so was finding it quite difficult to avoid him thrashing out.
We had to to give up in the end so I've wasted an afternoon of work - time I have to make back - and now we've got to go back to the eye clinic next week so I've got to ask for more time off. I mean, I'll make it back up so it's in lieu rather than actually off, but it's still difficult. I'm a TA so can't book holiday. So now I will have to work three longer days next week. I also had a midwife appointment next week for my whooping cough vaccine which I've now cancelled because I can't ask for time off twice in a week, even if I repay it.

I know he was upset and scared but after about ten minutes of it I could feel myself getting cross. They need to look in the back of his eye, it's difficult to get the right prescription otherwise. God forbid he ever needs any actual real medical procedures or even a blood test. I admit my judgement may be slightly coloured by the fact that I've been diabetic since young childhood and have always just put up with unpleasant medical type things.
When we came out he asked for a 'treat' from the shop and I said no. Was that unreasonable? I felt like if I said yes we'd have the same thing again next week and he'd presume he'd get another treat.

Why is it a load of crap? Why isn't it a good comparison?

Sounds rubbish for you OP. with regards to the other drops, could you give him the option once he's calmed down - say either he has the drops three times that will make it hard for him to see/ watch TV/ play football/ whatever he likes doing best or do anything fun for two weeks, or he agrees to have the quick drops next week, and go through with pinning him down if he kicks off again and he'll get the teddy and sweeties he didn't get today? At 6 he's old enough to make that kind of decision.

If it helps, when my sister and I were little we moved to the far East and had to have loads of jabs. My sister was about your son's age and by the fifth appointment at the travel clinic my mum had to physically straddle her, and another nurse sat on her legs while she screamed and sobbed and had the injections. 20 years later my Mum is definitely more scarred by the experience than DSis!

Do they really need drops to see the back of his eyes? I have a complete thing about eyedrops (am 51, so it would be undignified to kick and scream!) and my local optician has a camera that photos the back of the eyes.

My ds has had the drops too. He was 5 when he had then and screamed the place down! It took me & dh to pin him down and the nurse did her best. They didn't go in directly but when it dripped on his closed eye the nurse rubbed it, amd then my son rubbed it and thankfully it went in.
As he will have this every year I have bought some eye drops from boots and replaced the liquid with water. Everynow and again I will get them out to get him used to it. When it comes closer to the time of having them again I will try to do lots of drops at home with him.
He wears a patch too, he's supposed to wear it for 6 hours but we realistically reach 4 hours most days. It us a battle to get him to wear it sometimes but I won't punish him as it's not his fault he has to go through it all.

piglover yes they do, it opens the pupils to make seeing the eye easier and they can work out the prescriptions without the child needing to tell them what they can and can't see. With an older child or adult it is different as they can tell the optician what they see and the photo isn't the same as them looking into the eye.

Thankfully DD has just been discharged today (she's almost 9) so we won't be needing to do this any more for her, although we still have DS who is only 4. He goes every 6 or 12 months for the drops depending on how things are going.

It is very stressful when you have a reluctant child and have taken time off - an no it isn't there fault they are scared, but it is frustrating. Our hospital clinic is 30 miles away and then you have to wait ages so we are often out the house for over 2 hours for a 15 minute appointment.

Shameful that's a good idea, I never thought of that.

I'm sure it can't be this simple but when my DD was younger my dad, a retired Gp, advised getting her to lie down on her back with eyes shut. Drops onto corner of closed eye. As she opened her eyes and blinked, they went in.

Have you tried that one?

I think your frustration with the situation is entirely understandable by the way - maybe try to reframe as the situation rather than DS?

The drops are not the same as the dilation drops. Similar origin, but much stronger concentration and they sting considerably more. The after effects are much more obvious and prolonged too.

I have a nasty habit of making all staff who use them have drops done every so often, to refresh their memories and stop any frustration with young children who find them distressing and a bit horrible, because frankly they are distressing and a bit horrible.

OP, you have other stuff going on and it sounds like a stressful day all round. I agree that they might be better trying a mild topical anaesthetic first next time to try and stop the drops becoming a huge deal and escalating the fight against them.

Instead of a bribe have you tried saying
No TV it's bad for you if your prescription isn't right
No pc until you get your eyes checked you might make them worse
Rpt ad infinitum til he realised life is going. To be pretty boring if he doesn't comply with the eye test without a fuss.

shameful I would use lens solution rather than tap water, I know it sounds stupid when people bath/shower etc but you're supposed to avoid tap water in your eyes. Unless it's boiled or something of course! :)

I don't think you were wrong to withhold the treat; you can hardly expect a child to respond to a bribe in future if he gets the nice thing anyway whether he behaves or not! Does everyone saying that not believe in using sanctions/consequences?

As for comparing eye drops to an internal exam, that's offensive.

Please give this a try:

Get him two big rewards, one for each eye, he can have each one when the drops go in the eye. Get loads of tiny rewards (chocolate buttons?), find the behaviour he is willing to do, e.g. touch the bottle of drops with his finger, reward him, see if he will do a bit more like hold the bottle reward. Repeat little and often gradually working up to him holding the bottle over his eye and eventually letting you squeeze it. The process may take days,but keep upbeat, keep praising, keep finding the point where you can get behaviours you can reward, keep presenting him with the end rewards.

Can someone please explain why comparing eye drops to an internal exam is offensive? I asked earlier why it's not a good comparison, I really don't know why, to my mind they are similar in that they both can be painful and it's something the person doesn't want done. The comparison holds in that it's the forcing of the person to do it against their will that is similar, not the actual procedure.

I really think pinning a 6 year old down and trying to force it is a bad idea and will make things much worse next time! I do think yabu but I can understand your frustration. I don't think you were mean for not giving a treat though. There must be a better way of doing it than that. Couldn't they do it in the corner of his closed eye and then when he opened them it would have gone in?

Hi op,

I was going to make Bogburglar's suggestion - ask him to lie down and drop them into corner of closed eyes. When he opens the they will trickle in.
I know this won't help with the stinging but it might help with the fight of forcing his eyes open and be less stressful.

Yanbu to refuse him a treat because he hadn't done what had been agreed (and because children shouldn't get everything they ever ask for).

Yabu for everything else though. He's a child, he was scared and having all these adults trying to hold him down and force him probably made it worse, I know I would be terrified! It's annoying about work but you're an adult and a parent, it's your main job to support your DC. Most opticians are open Saturday, couldn't you have taken him then? At least you wouldn't be cross at the wasted time off work.

Just because you were an angel doesn't mean he has to endure something that stings and frightens him as stoically as you would.

Sounds to me like he is under the care of a hospital eye clinic NotMe and therefore not being seen by a community optometrist. You go to the appointments the hospital send, not just on any day it suits.

CrohnicallyAspie

At a guess, because you've compared a gillik competent adult with a non competent child.

I haven't. A PP did.

From the child's POV, they will be just as frightened as an adult being forced to have a procedure done. Perhaps more so as they will feel more trapped and helpless due to being physically smaller and weaker, and due to it being the parent that has given permission they can't even rescind it.

I'm not saying that they shouldn't be forced to do it, just can't you have some compassion for what could be a genuinely frightening experience for them?

Notme the OP mentions nurses so it sounds like the appointment was at a hospital eye clinic. As Little says you have to take the appointment you get, in our area if you change an appointment is can be 2 or 3 months wait for another one which can make a big difference in a young child's eyes.

Hope you've had a less stressful evening OP.

CrohnicallyAspie

Whoops. I saw your question and assumed you had made the comparison, sorry.

I agree about the compassion, I also think that with the best of intentions we must really confuse our dc. First we teach them that no-one should be touching them in a way that makes them uncomfortable, then we force them to submit to procedures which cause pain/anxiety. Even when the reasons are good, the messages are mixed.

As a by the by, the whooping cough vaccine would be a pregancy related appt as it wouldn't have been offered unless you were pregnant, so the rules around time off shouldn't apply.

Thank you - some good advice on here.
I did comfort ds, I was just internally frustrated by it - and the drops which don't blur his vision for a fortnight must be the better option than the ones that do.

The trouble with the child vs adult analogy is children don't always understand why something has to happen. We need to know what the prescription is for ds's eyes to help him because he struggles to see certain things when at school.

I know that whooping cough vaccine would count as a pregnancy appointment but so far I've managed to arrange all my appointments outside of my hours as it's just easier than asking for time off. I didn't feel I could move my hours around next week for ds's appointment and then have to move them round again for my jab. I've managed to get the jab arranged outside work time so that's probably better. Just hope I'm ok to take ds to this appointment. It is at the hospital and it only runs certain hours. Plus the wait is about three months of you cancel. We'd actually in error had two appointments given to us initially which is the only reason we are being seen so quickly again next week. Otherwise it would likely be January February time.

While incompetent children should not be expected to consent to necessary medical procedures any health care professional worth their salt knows that achieving compliance is still a very good idea.