To be countin down the weeks until my 2yo DS goes to school?

[BasinHaircut]

DS is my first and only child.

I love him dearly, love spending time with him and would not be without him. I miss him when he isn't with me.

HOWEVER, before DS I used to have my shit together. Meals were planned, there was always adequate toilet roll and a spare toothpaste in the cupboard. My house was regularly (if not regimentally) cleaned. And it was organised. Paperwork filed and odd jobs got done in a resonable amount of time.

I am no longer able to do any of this it appears, and the lack of organisation in my life is driving me mad. I don't have the time or the energy, and there is so much chaos that I wouldnt know where to start.

I work part time and am clinging to the fact that when DS turns 4 (August baby) he will go to school, and 2 days per week I will have the entire school day to do chores/admin/run errands/odd bits of DIY etc.

Am I sad? Or mean for wishing DS's life away. I feel so guilty!

If someone posts because they are struggling why on earth would you post that you managed easily and it's not that hard.

Sympathies OP. It's hard. And gets easier (well for most).

Well said, Fanjo. I see that so much on threads when people are posting that they're struggling with their child(ren). How is it helpful or kind? Bully for you that you didn't struggle, maybe you had an easy child, ever thought of that?

It's probably fair to say, that with a sample size of 1, that Peanut's experience is not representative of everyone else's

Well, I do see why people struggle but to be wishing your child's life away to a point where you won't see as much of him is a bit sad, dare I say it. I don't think OP is being unreasonable, after all you don't know whether you're going to enjoy parenthood or not until you've become a parent, but I hope she won't have any more.

Good grief

Leavingtoosoon she is venting for a bit of support not wanting to bump off her child

Nowhere did I say or insinuate that she wanted to bump off her child, and she has my support.

Just the same, it seems she's not enjoying parenthood. That's fine - absolutely fine.

What I can't bear is people who hate motherhood, complain constantly about their kids, and go on to have another two or three, I think it's crazy.

I know what you mean!

I have a 5 y.o. and a two year old. School and nursery are (of course!) in opposite directions so we each have to do a school / nursery run every day that I work - making work this constant panicked clock-watching.

I do think that once ds starts school then they will both be in the same place at the same time which will make life so much easier. Also I'll change my working pattern which will give me more time with dd as I'll have more afternoons off. I'll have a (school) day to myself so be able to get stuff done and so all 4 of us will be able to enjoy our weekends. I have a suspicion that the %age of 4 year olds that sleep through the night is higher than that of two year olds. (Please God Please!) I will no longer have to go out with a changing bag and 4 million nappies.

It doesn't mean I don't absolutely adore them as they are aged 5 and 2 or that the thought that one day they won't be so little and cute doesn't sometimes make me feel like I'm being kicked in the chest - it just means that I occasionally remind myself that - yes life is difficult now but it will get easier. And that one day I will go on and on about how much I miss my kids being small!

If the OP were doing a half arsed job of raising her child then she would have an utter abundance of time to keep house, do paperwork and alphabetise her DVD collection if she wanted. But she doesn't do a half arsed job, in fact, she is so engaged in raising her little one that she looks forward to life in two years time when she can put a bit more control of the pace of her life. Fuck me, how dare she procreate again eh?

...She can have a bit more control over the pace of her life...

OP - I empathise and have no advice. Mind if I join the rant? DD is 2, I work four days a week (but in a v busy job that often involves extra out of hours work), I have a cleaner and a wonderful DH who does more than his share. I am barely keeping my shit together. Big problem is that DD has always been an awful sleeper and right now she is recovering from being ill, so has gone backwards. She was awake for four hours last night, FFS! I then had to get up at six and do a full day of meetings and making (probably bad) decisions at work. I have to go away for work tomorrow night, have at least two days of work to squeeze in tomorrow, and am dreading that first little whimper from her room... Gaaaah! What am I writing on here for? I need to go to sleep immediately!

Good luck OP. I'm assured it does get easier.

Don't mind leavingsosoon, she has gone on like this on another thread too.

You can get one who is quite keen on doing housework, like my toddler DS. He will wipe the floor, unload the washing machine/ drier of clothes and all sorts. With DD we would have had no chance of this. So it all depends what sort you get.

(NB this is a bit of a lie, as DS helping actually gets in the way / makes it more difficult. But you can usually bumble along with a bit of housework while he hinders alongside you. He will feed the guinea pigs, though.)

She has :) because it's something that's worth saying.

I really feel for parents who are struggling. Trust me on this: I have two under twos all the time, as in, never have a break from them, as in, constant.

In some ways I suspect that's easier as I don't feel resentful of someone having more free time or whatever - it just is, you know? And sometimes it is hard, of course it is.

What's difficult though for me on these threads is the fact that the children don't seem to be doing anything specific. Yesterday the weather was terrible and I got stuck in traffic with both girls crying - as soon as one stopped the other took up - even a saint would have cracked.

But saying 'they keep crying, they wouldn't sleep, they messed up the lounge' is different to the threads that chastise them for just existing - for complaining about their very presence. Like I said in the other thread, growing up feeling unwelcome in your own home is horrible.

"Well I'm his mum I make the rules"

Oh man, peanut you are so wide of the mark, you have no idea!

DD - unless tired - wants to join in and I can still get stuff done if I find a way to include her.

DS as a toddler? Not a chance. He is lovely but was bloody hard work as a toddler. I wish I could have made the rules! He was strong willed and didn't care a jot about what the grown ups were doing or wanted.

Luckily for everyone else I had the difficult one first so I didn't get to make smug - and totally and utterly naive - remarks about how my toddler's good behaviour was down to my great parenting.

My son was sometimes difficult but I never gave into him, I'm certainly not going to let a crying child make me change my mind. And now he's older he's a lovely child, he of course has his tantrums but gets over them quickly.
Every child is different
I'm not going to get pulled into 'spats' on here so dont be surprised if I don't reply again

Look everyone, if you'd all just do as Saint Motherhood here does you just wouldn't have these problems.

Peanut you are digging yourself a hole there.

You really have no idea how tough it can be.

DD had tantrums and I don't give into her. DS, another ball game entirely. It wasn't even really about tantrums. It was more he did exactly what he wanted (usually running amok) and nothing we could do would change that, he wasn't even that interested in us really until his language developed enough that we could have conversations.

Perhaps it's hard to imagine if you haven't been there, but please take my word for it, for some (lovely but) extremely difficult children, the kind of techniques you use on yours simply have no effect.

You carry on patting yourself on your back about what a wonderful parent you ate

But please be aware that when you effectively tell other people that the reason they are finding parenthood tough is basically that they're not doing it right, you may not only be wrong,.but also making someone feel pretty shitty about themselves for no good reason. Is that your intention?

The reason that I spout off on here from time to time is because of the responses that you get in real life are usually quite negative. hardly anyone will openly admit to not being supermum/wife/woman/human so it's hard to vent.

For example, I have a friend with a similar aged DD. at a toddler group recently she sat for 90 minutes at the craft table doing drawing and sticking. NINETY MINUTES. Just let that sink in. DS does not stay still long enough for me to put both of his shoes on and left unattended would have probably sucked one of the felt pens dry. Consequently my friend doesn't understand where I coming from, much like a couple of the posters on here.

I think I'm a good mum and to suggest that because I get stressed about not being able to get jobs done I am somehow not doing it right. My time is spent on my child and I do not resent him being in his own home.

Let me reverse that for you. I could Say that if you have time to keep on top of your jobs then maybe you are not parenting right? Maybe you are ignoring your child? I'm not really saying that BTW, just a thought.

So the OP says:
I love him dearly, love spending time with him and would not be without him. I miss him when he isn't with me.

So I don't think you need to worry about this:
Like I said in the other thread, growing up feeling unwelcome in your own home is horrible.

I think you can safely assume the OP is using 'counting down the months' as lighthearted shorthand for looking forward to a time when she isn't winging it. That's allowed. She doesn't even say she feels like this all or most of the time, just sometimes.

YANBU.
You sound very similar to me. My DS turned 3 in Aug and started nursery (free hrs) in Sept, he absolutely loves it and I LOVE having a few hours a day to get myself sorted.
Don't feel guilty, it's completely normal and it's not that you're wishing his toddler years away you are missing having time to yourself; 2 different things

PS: Our sons sound very similar - mine would never sit at an activity for 90 seconds never mind 90 mins.