So why is the tone of AIBU harsher than the rest of the site?

[CFSsucks]

Not really an AIBU but as it's about it, I'm posting it here.

As a rule, I don't tend to post an OP here, I have done and have found the replies to be harsh and unnecessary.

You could probably take it out of here and post it on another board and you would get completely different replies and the overall tone would be very different (maybe not Relationships).

It sometimes creeps over to chat too. I have seen posts in chat where the OP is told they ABU, it's not even the right board!

Do people just like to kick people when they down? Do they use it as an outlet to be nasty when they wouldnt say these things in RL?

Obviously there is some great advice here and some great posters. But you don't hear of bun fights etc on other boards.

I think it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Now it has that reputation, it attracts a certain type of post / poster.

YANBU! It's a MN mystery.

Sometimes the tone of the thread is determined by the first two or three posts. Readers must be sitting there thinking , 'I agree that YABU' so I'll pile on in too.

Post in teenagers and you'll get pragmatic, understanding replies. Post here and it'll be 'When I was 16 I was running a household with twin babies with no help and I managed fine....'

It can work the opposite way though - 'AIBU to be annoyed with this woman?' (who did a slightly thoughtless irritating thing) YANBU she was incredibly rude and despicable. Seek revenge on this witch in a public way.

I reckon that most of the threads on AIBU are started by trolls. Obviously, not your thread OP!

I suppose it's because it has the word UNREASONABLE running through the thread, like a word through a stick of rock.

It attracts rock eaters.

I've wondered this too but what I find more odd are those that post in other areas of the site saying "Wasn't brave enough to post in AIBU." I've said it before but it's just the internet, there's no-one standing outside your front door with a pitch-fork should you 'dare' to be told YABU.

ipaid. I'd make a very boring troll.

Yes it probably is down to its reputation and the posters it attracts. I have also seen how a thread can go from the first few posts, then pages later someone can come in and say 'hang on a minute' and it can turn with others joining in to agree.

I rarely think they are troll posts though. I'm too naive and trusting, unless they are really outragious of course.

inthebox I think that sums it up though. This board has a reputation for attracting 'straight talking' and some people will fall over themselves to pick it apart and tell you YABU. Because of that, people don't like to post here because they know they will get a kicking whereas elsewhere on the site, they may attract more thoughtful replies, even if they disagree with the OP, they tend not to be put in such a harsh way. Ok it's a generalisation and it does happen on other boards, but not as much as here.

privatepike no its not limited to here or course, but it definitely happens here more than anywhere else.

I think a lot of it is down to posts not having a wrong or right answer - people have different opinions and when they're disagreed with they get very protective of their point of view.

Does it matter if AIBU is a big bunfight?

We're big girls, and we all know the score. You either like arguing with people you don't know about pointless shit you don't really care about, or you don't. In which case there's Chat or Netmums.

I do feel sorry for the occasional newb who posts here unwittingly though.

See I don't agree. Why should we go to NM? I hate the boards there. I don't like being called hun by people I don't know and I think they are heavily moderated. Also I have seen that people have posted in Chat but will still get 'YABU', if they wanted that they would have posted here.

Some people are more sensitive than others and some people seem to go out of their way to be offensive for the sake of it. There is no need really. You can disagree with a post and have your point of view without the vitriol.

There's also the fact that most people start an AIBU 100% convinced they aren't. And 99% of them, in fact, are. The other 1% are trolls.

But there are umpteen other fora on MN if you want to discuss things politely.

I genuinely don't understand why one would post on a forum that's notorious for being one long bunfight, and then complain because it lives up to it's reputation.

It's like moving next door to a nightclub, and then complaining about the noise.

Strangely, I hate being told off by strangers on the internet more than I do by people I know in real life.

Yy saucy jack.

It's ok to have different opinions and voice them on AIBU. If you only want people to pat you on the back then post somewhere else.

I think it's because you're basically inviting people to tell you you're wrong. You're asking if you're being unreasonable, and people will often say you are, and be pretty direct about why.

TBH I generally happen upon threads that catch my eye in Active Conversations and don't really notice which topic they're under, so I don't respond any differently.

But a thread entitled 'Do you like cake?' is probably going to be nicer than a thread entitled 'AIBU to think that people who like cake are dicks?'

SaucyJack that's all very well but it does in fact infect other boards. I've actively picked up on chat threads where people have posted 'YABU' then been vile to the OP and got snicketing that i'mbeing 'thread police'.

So to use your analogy that'd be like the pissheads bellowing at you that you can't complain about the disturbance they're causing because you live in a town with a nightclub in it, even if you're several streets away.

One can certainly get bitten on this part of the board. I think people just think they can say whatever the hell they like. Which is good, but I don't like it when it slips into cruelty. I also think the keyboard warriors lurk like sharks.

A lot of people post here because they are alone at home. It's not pleasant to get a barrage of abuse when you have posted something that has riled you up. I think it can end up with the unintentional consequence of making someone feel rather shitty about themselves which is rather the antithesis of why this forum was created.

threads can change very quickly,one minute the op is Yabu and in a flash the opposite is in favour

some posters are plain rude (they say straight talking) regardless of whether its chat/aibu so no topic is immune