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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that this friend is a cow and just cut her off?

23 replies

Tessalation · 11/11/2015 11:35

Friend is not talking to me. Again. As our young DDs have fallen out at school.

Her DD has been repeatedly horrible to my DD, and to other children, over the years. DD brushes it off but makes an effort to be polite and inclusive to the other girl, as do the rest of their friendship group.

However whenever anything my DD does doesn't suit her DD, such as go to someone's party that her DD doesn't like, I get snotty texts, and snubbed by my friend for several weeks.

I know that the girls had a bit of a falling out last week but were friends again the next day. Friend is not talking to me though. She has ignored me twice at the school pick up during the last few days and is seemingly making a point of being jolly and friendly to others whilst glaring at me. This has happened many times before. Her DD doesn't get on at all with another girl, and they are permanently arguing to the extent that my friend is in the school about this other girl all the time, yet she is fine with that girls' mum.

I have come to the conclusion of "fuck her" now, and I've decided to just cut her off and treat her like she's treated me on a long term basis. I don't want to play games and wonder all the time whether she likes me or is talking to me or not. DD has also told me various unpleasant things that she has said at home about DD and I, and her DD has told my DD.

They are year 6 now so after July I won't have to see her anymore anyway.

OP posts:

redexpat · 11/11/2015 11:37

YANBU. Lifes too short for this kind of shit.

Gazelda · 11/11/2015 11:37

Fuck her. She's not a friend (or an adult!).

Jhm9rhs · 11/11/2015 11:39

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. She's not a friend. Cut her off.

NewNameNotTheSame · 11/11/2015 11:39

She is not and never has been a friend. You'll be well rid, she sounds exhausting.

caravanista13 · 11/11/2015 11:39

She behaving worse than a child herself. I always find the best response is to smile sweetly, behave impeccably and pretend you haven't noticed her strops. Definitely don't think of her as a friend any more though.

WorraLiberty · 11/11/2015 11:39

The whole thing sounds exhausting.

YANBU

Lostcat2 · 11/11/2015 11:39

You would be surprised how stupidly daft about their children's friendships and how involved they get. It's pathetic.

Kids fall out. It's up to the adults to show a good example not act like their kids.

Definatly cut her out, she's a twat.

Original poster

Tessalation · 11/11/2015 11:40

Thanks all!!

Good plan, caravanista. I'll be smiley and say hello to her but won't reply to texts or meet up with her anymore.

She also always does this thing, when I'm talking she smirks as if she thinks I'm a bit simple or silly. So I won't miss that either! LOL

OP posts:

reni2 · 11/11/2015 11:42

She will be lonely when the dc are in year 7, parents are no longer needed quite so much for socialising and people don't really keep mummy friends beyond those they genuinely like.

TelephoneIgnoringMachine · 11/11/2015 11:42

You can see why the child is turning out as she is.

d270r0 · 11/11/2015 11:42

Why not just ask her straight- "what is the problem? Have I done something to upset you?" Obviously in her mind you have done something wrong, it can't just be your dds falling out, so ask her. If she can't give you a proper answer, then she is being unreasonable, so cut the friendship

holeinmyheart · 11/11/2015 11:43

The issue lies with your so called friend not you. She is a child herself.
Children ( girls are notorious) quarrel all the time and it is really important not to get involved as a Parent ( unless actual physical harm is done and it can be classed as bullying)
Just chill and be glad that you don't have to speak to her ever again after July.
I had this situation on occasion and was glad when my DDs went to different schools to some of their so called friends.

starsandstars · 11/11/2015 11:43

Oh I've tried d270r0, many a time. She says there is not a problem when I've asked her in person, or walks off. And she won't reply to phone calls, texts or Facebook messages from me when she's in these strops.

reni, yes she will be lonely; she has few friends as it is.

Lostcat2 · 11/11/2015 11:47

it can't just be your dds falling out honestly with some mums it really just can be just that. Clearly this mother enjoys the drama just like her dd.

trust me I know a pair just like this.

Only1scoop · 11/11/2015 11:47

Yanbu

Bright and breezy with an inward silent 'fuck you cunty' as you walk past.

She sounds about 12

UsedtobeFeckless · 11/11/2015 11:52

Sympathy OP ... I had one of these when DS1 was in lower school! Depending on the state of affairs between him and his rather needy Thou-Shalt-Have-No-Other-Chums-Bar-Me sometime best mate would either be inviting me for drinks and camping holidays or looking straight through me. It total did my head in and it was a huge relief when they went to different upper schools and she ditched me.

Just be polite and slightly distant and let her fizz away un-noticed ...

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 11/11/2015 11:53

Well she must have a problem with you to begin with to be using children (who will be playing together, tomorrow as a reason to fall out.). Falling out of children. I've never heard of something more stupid. Its her poor child I feel sorry for as there's going to come a time when parents will tell their dcs not to play with this women's DC as they won't be able to deal with the shit hitting the fan when they fall out.
Peoples lives are stressful enough without idiots to contend and fight with. Give her a wide berth. She'll only be falling out with you again anyway as undoubtedly the children will fall out again.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 11/11/2015 11:54

*with children not of children

UsedtobeFeckless · 11/11/2015 11:56

Bugger - there should be a she'd in there ... DS1's mate wasn't asking me out! ( Although he did used to corner me at home time and complain that DS1 had been talking to other people ... )

Hoppinggreen · 11/11/2015 12:06

Icy politeness is the way to go and she most certainly is not a friend or ever has been.

starsandstars · 11/11/2015 12:09

UsedtobeFeckless, my friend's daughter is a bit like your friend's son; when she and my DD are friends she hates DD having other friends.

She had all these problems with her older daughter too and has no mum friends from that DD's school year as she blamed all the mums.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 11/11/2015 12:26

I'd be so tempted to publicly laugh at her at the school gate and explain to all in ear shot that she's not talking to you again because the kids are bickering about something silly again.

Count your blessings. Life is too short to have to bother with this sort of person

laffymeal · 11/11/2015 15:15

Just be dignified and ignore it. You can't reason with this sort of arsehole, she'll just use your discomfort against you. Pretty soon you'll have no ties with her at all, although I don't understand why carers are still hanging around for Year 6 children, at that age my DCs were making their own way to and from school, even if they come from further afield and need lifts is there really any reason to hang around the playground for them?

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