Because I don't think my grandmother was BU?

[TowerRavenSeven]

My mother has two siblings, a sister and a brother. The brother (my uncle) married someone 13 years older than him, they have been married for 30 years and while they don't have any children together, she has five from a previous marriage. My Uncle and aunt live clear cross the country. My grandmother has never met my Aunt's children, who were all adults living on their own when my aunt and Uncle married, they live all over the world. My uncle did not adopt them.

There was never any bad blood between my grandmother, my aunt or her children. Since her children were all adults living all over the world, they never met my grandmother. There was just never any time for everyone to all get together, and being adults, quite naturally I don't think there was any interest on the children's parts - or on my grandmother's either really.

When my grandmother was discussing her estate, she told my uncle that the four of us grandchildren (myself and my brother; & my two cousins by my mother's sister) were going to get a an inheritance from her. My uncle had a full strop because my grandmother was not going to give any of her estate to his wife's children. She had never even met them...if they had been interested I'm sure she would have, but traveling cross country to meet their mother's new mother in law just wasn't practical.

Now that my grandmother is gone, my uncle still holds it against his mother that his wives' children did not inherit from her. We each got a nice amount ($20K US). Do you think this was U of my grandmother? Aside from of course she could do what she wanted with her money, would this even occur to you that she should have left them something, given the fact she never even met them? I don't think she was BU but I'd never mention it to my uncle, I think he will hold it against his mother the rest of his days.

Your grandmother was absolutely not being unreasonable, her son's stepchildren never interested themselves with her in THIRTY YEARS and they were strangers. I expect they also have their own grandparents. Had there been actual relationships with these people, that would have been different - but there were no relationships with these people.

I wonder though, if your uncle is behaving this way because it has brought home to him that he has no children of his own? Could this anger be a deflection from his regret?

Did your uncle get anything at all though? Because children aside, it sounds like all of your grandmother's estate went to his sisters, through their children.

Which I don't think is fair, as she effectively has left your uncle out completely, purely because she didn't have children.

My mil wanted to do something similar, and distribute amongst grandchildren. Which is fine, but leaves Dh's sister out of the will. So she's left 1/4 to each child, then redistributed so each grandchild gets a proportionate amount of their parents share, iyswim.

I think he has a point, but not re. his wife children. IMO, fair would have been 1/3 to him, and 1/6 each to the grandchildren.

I don't think your GM was BU - but I can see fishwiths point of view - if he got nothing personally he may feel like he has been disinherited...(and also will be grieving...sometimes makes people less than rational...)

I feel for your uncle. His sister's share of the will was larger because their children also inherited. It's like he's been treated differently and punished because he didn't have birth children. If he's been their dad for a long time you can see why he'd be upset that they were not deemed worth as much. I'm pretty sure it's not about the money but his feelings of loss and being treated differently to his sisters.
That said he is rubbish for not visiting much - to a certain extent you reap what you sow and it was your gran's money to do with as she wished.

It would be unusual for the entire estate to be passed to the GC. Usually the deceased immediate children, ie your mother and her sister and brother would get the lions share. It is ridiculous for your uncle to expect his dps kids to get anything, but I can imagine him feeling agrieved if he got nothing himself.

Wills bring out the very worst in people. I have a relative currently rampaging over the contents of a will. The worst part is NO ONE named in the will or "loosing out" is upset with the decision. Just another family member who feels their relatives are being hard done by (even though these relatives don't agree) and is making life hell for everyone else for NO REASON.

Your GM is DNBU. Why should you leave money to people who have never even bothered to see or speak to you in 30 years?

She was not unreasonable at all. She never met them and has had no relationship at all.

It sounds to me as if it's very likely that the uncle did in fact inherit from his mother. OP says that the children got $20K each, i.e. $80K altogether. It's pretty standard for people making wills to give specified amounts to individual people and then provide that the residue will go to the main beneficiary or beneficiaries. If the grandmother could afford that sort of legacy and also had a house, it is highly likely that the estate was well over $80K and even more likely that she provided that the residue be split between uncle and his sisters. I suspect that OP would have said if uncle was getting nothing.

Therefore there's nothing to stop uncle leaving or giving his inheritance to his wife's children.