To be annoyed by something MIL said over a year ago?

[HodgePodge23]

There were loads of issues with my in laws for the majority of my pregnancy. My MIL's response to us telling her we were having a baby was "and?" AND we're bloody keeping the baby! Urgh. I've worked really hard to get over things and my son is nearly a year old. I'm not quite there yet but our relationship is a lot better than it was, I used to despise her.

My partner recently told/reminded me that she took him aside and told him we have other options. As in abortion. He insists he told me about this before but I don't remember at all so it was like hearing it for the first time. AIBU to be really angry or should I just leave it in the past?

YABU it was a very long time ago.

When my exDH suggested we get married, his gran said to him "You don't have to get married just because she is pregnant" (we were already engaged)

Now, I'm divorced from him, and adore his gran to pieces.

Hodge

I just don't know your circumstances, but no, I wouldn't be angry, I don't think.

I was brought up in the Church of England and as such brought up to believe abortion was a sin - my dad told me when I was pregnant (and miserable) with DS that 'I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do.'

I think sometimes people clumsily just want you to know they'll support you whatever.

But you know your MIL so if I've read it all wrong, I'm sorry.

YABU; if you spend your life thinking on what people said ages ago you'll miss out on all sorts of lovely things going on now. Ignore anyone who is rude or shitty; it reflects enormously on them, not on you. How you take it is up to you. Learn to let it roll off your back and you'll be so much happier (and you'll also annoy her in the process - win-win!).

Yanbu, I think that sort of remark is despicable!

Unless she's generally hateful I can't see much wrong with what she said.

I would be angry about that. Not sure it would be any good to keep that going, but I would resent someone having said that. What's your relationship been like with them otherwise?

She also asked whether my son would get taken away because I suffer from depression. She is generally nice, except when she doesn't get her own way and then she turns into a bit of a monster. I hate treading on eggshells!

Prior to me getting pregnant we had a good relationship. But the pregnancy ruined things as it wasn't a part of her plans for her son yet. Our relationship hasn't recovered yet, we only see them once a month but it's much better than the first few months of my son's life.

I don't think you should do anything. No doubt she will think of that comment occasionally and feel relieved that she has a lovely grandchild, so I would just leave it, but I agree with you that it's a strange reaction to the news ''im pregnant''.

When I finished with my bf when I was 25, his mother said to him (and he told me) ''well, fox probably felt like a bit of an also-ran next to you). That's grated on me for 20 years. I want to go back and laugh in her face.

It's a really, really fucking shitty thing to say to someone who seems quite happy to be expecting a child- even if they are (brace yourself Marjory) unmarried and/or it was possibly unplanned. It's 2015 for chrissakes.

But what's done in done. You're only annoying yourself by stewing over it.

Perhaps she had very good reason to not jump up and down with excitement and congratulate you?

I have no idea about your background, your age, the state of your relationship, your finances or your ability to parent properly etc., but my gut feeling tells me that if someone is told they are going to have a grandchild and their reaction is less than ecstatic there is usually good reason, and some serious well-placed concern.

You can't force someone to be pleased for you. The best thing you can do is get on with your life, enjoy your child and prove people wrong.

How old was her son when the PG was announced?

He was 23 at the time.

I wouldn't force anyone to pretend to be happy. But her reaction was shitty non the less.

How old were you, and how long had you been together when you got PG? Just trying to ascertain why she might have been upset about it.

And 23 is pretty young. Not a child, but still young. Not many blokes are in a position to support a young family at 23. Perhaps she sees you both as a bit irresponsible.

Why is your partner telling you this?

At least she said it to him not you & he should have kept his mouth shut imo.

There was no need for her to say anything as I'm sure he could have discussed it with you had he wanted to.

But if not an option for him, then no need to tell you at all.