Who is being unreasonable here, me or ds?

[JuanPotatoTwo]

We've argued ourselves out so turning to mn!

Ds (18) rang me this afternoon and asked for a lift home from the train station. I said no as I was in the middle of making some phone calls.

I finished the calls much quicker than expected, so rang him back and asked if he still wanted a lift. He said yes, and told me where he was. He was less than half a mile away from home.

I went to fetch him as I had to go out somewhere else afterwards and thought I might as well. I wasn't very happy though and told him he should've walked.

He said that since I asked if he wanted a lift, he said yes - because he did (want one). I said that when I asked him if he wanted one he should've said "no thanks, I'm nearly home now".

Which one of us is being unreasonable? I have a sneaky suspicion it might be me as a) I shouldn’t have offered a lift, and b) having done so, I shouldn't have moaned at him.

Well, if it is a reverse, it's surprising how well-acquainted an 18yo boy is with MN (conventions, phrases, abbreviations etc)

If the station is only a mile away, it's say a 20 min walk. So if you took 10 minutes to finish your call then obviously he was only going to be 1/2 a mile away

Did you think he was taking teeny tiny baby steps?

Hah, I meant that the DS was meant to come and pick her up and the OP was the one doing the walk, daddaddad

And I was being a tad flippant

I have apologised, yes. My very gracious apology was met with a grunt. I think he meant "that's ok mum, I love you very much and appreciate all you do for me" .

Someone asked why I posted in aibu when I knew I was wrong. I'm never very sure with ds if I'm doing the right thing. He's number 3 out of 4 dc, and I feel I go the extra mile for him because he's more complicated than his siblings. I sometimes wonder if I do too much. But then I start to doubt myself. Yesterday I expected him to respond to my offer of a lift the way I would have responded in those circumstances, and when he didn't, and didn't seem at all grateful for me bothering to ring back and fetch him, I was really peeved.

But I appreciate that I can't expect him to react in the same way as I would, and I've told him that.

I think if you're waiting for a gratitude you might be on a hiding to nothing!

You were BU I'm afraid. If you didn't want to do it you shouldn't have offered.

YWBU but everyone can be unreasonable at times. You've apologised so it's sorted

it's irrelevant, but what I think is a shame is that you had an opportunity for your DC to appreciate you, and you trashed that for yourself by starting a fight.

I have a teen too (she's much younger than yours) and parenting a teen is different. I understand the grunts,and the taking for granted (different than being taken for granted by a 1 yr old when you change their stinky nappy without being asked and without thanks!). But I look for opportunities for us to shine, and you had one. But you didn't take advantage of the gratitude (whether vocalised or not) that could have come your way.

I feel sad for you for that!

He probably would have had gratitude if you hadn't have had a go at him for offering a lift in the first place.
Poor kid doesn't know what he's done wrong.
I wouldn't feel very grateful either.

Why on earth wouldn't your son have said, 'I'm pretty much nearly home now anyway'?

Although, thinking on, I'd have said 'Where are you?' anyway.

Ignore me.

YABU

Why call him back if you'd already said no?

He definitely didn't do anything wrong

Oh look, it's over and done with. I realised I was bu pretty much instantly and said so, both here and to ds. I also explained why I felt the need to check here.

Fatmomma, I may have fucked up in that one instance, and I'm pretty sure I'll do it again (unintentionally, naturally) at some point. But there are plenty of instances where ds, and my 3 other dc, get along just fine. I just don't see the need to post about those instances.

JuanPotato - no, of course you don't bring the good stuff to AIBU. I wasn't trying to suggest you did.

And if you have good stuff to celebrate that's great.

Sounds like you feel in this situation you got it wrong, and (hopefully) will get it right next time.

That's parenting!