Not 'looking after' husband when he is sick

[CarolPeletier]

I have had horrible constant morning sickness for three months which has got so bad that it makes me just cry. During this time I have had little help and continued with looking after the house, our three kids, school runs etc. I have gagged through cooking meals and been unable to eat, with no offer from DH for him to take over. In fairness to him, if I ask him to do something he will, but I hate constantly asking and feel like a nag.

So, today he has a stomach bug and has been in bed all day. I checked on him regularly and got medicine and drinks for him. He just came downstairs and was laying around groaning. Then he started cuddling one of the kids and i told him not to as dont want illness to spread. He gave a few sarcastic remarks about me being uncaring. I got cross and told him all about karma and while I'm sorry he is ill, there is nothing more I can do. He has gone back to bed. He does seem really ill with it, and I feel bad for not being more understanding/supportive today, I am just so tired, and fed up of being sick for months with no sympathy. Am I horrible and unreasonable for not doing more and giving more sympathy? I am quite hormanal...

Nope, I wouldn't be either. He's already being treated with kid gloves, he's spending his sickness in bed you're checking on him making drinks and giving him meds.

I'd be ignoring him completely unless explicitly asked sauce for the goose and all that... But I have a very low tolerance level these days.

And you are right about telling him to keep his germs away from the DC, presumably he will not be the one mopping up sick and and running around after sick kids?

You are not being unreasonable - he's being a big baby.

Thank you! I just feel so resentful of him - which I know is unreasonable as its not his fault I am sick all the time.

YANBU. Karma. Do you think he'll realise & start being more helpful & sympathetic?

Presumably you're still sick, too, so leave him to it!

No. He is sulking at the moment, he thinks I am a cow because I spoke harshly to him when he's ill. He told me it was my pregnancy hormones and I may have swore at him a little bit. (Not in front of kids.)

For all he knows, you are ill. Even if not, you're tired and have been ill.

Best to ignore him rather than fighting, as the latter will likely make you feel worse!

Yes, well, when his sickness bug goes on for several months like your morning sickness he might be entitled to feel aggrieved.

Until then, what the hell does he expect when he lets you just get on with stuff amid gagging and retching?

He sounds totally unreasonable.

Also i expect if kids do get it he will leave all the extra work involved to you.

Morning sickness is horrendous so from me.

For the life of me I don't know why some people think that being ill as a result of pregnancy or other non germ related condition is less worthy of sympathy and rest than germ related illness.

YANBU, sure, pregnancy in itself is not an illness but the symptoms can make you feel very ill indeed, for months, and no medicine allowed in most cases. He is being a big baby.

Good for you! Tell him that as he didn't offer to help when you were struggling you assumed he would want the same treatment.

He sounds horrible. Why should you have to ask/beg for help when you've been ill for ages?

What kind of person would watch someone gagging while cooking and not offer to help/ring for a takeaway?

Good on you for calling him out on it.

Definitely not NBU. Morning sickness is horrendous. Whenever DH gets stomach bugs I say to him "god, imagine this for 16 weeks AND having to look after the kids too!" And then he gets it.

I had server morning sickness, to the point that brushing my teeth made me vomit. When you are growing a new life with little or no fuel it leaves you knackered.

Op have you been to your GP, as he or she can prescribe anti sickness tablets. ( it was the only think keeping me out of hospital)

Dh should be supporting you more, just hope after a few days of sickness he realises what you have been dealing with for months.

When he's better, ask him why he wasn't cooking the dinner and helping with the children.

After all, you have to do it when you feel sick.

Yanbu at all. Seems double standards for a lot of men.,just leave him to it.

YANBU

He shouldn't have to be asked if you've been ill with morning sickness, and definitely shouldn't expect different treatment in return. All this is presuming he knows how ill you are/have been. I know sometimes I'm my own worst enemy carrying on trying to hide symptoms from others.

Say to him - very nicely - 'Now you know what I've been feeling like for 3 solid months. You're struggling and it's not even been 3 days. And yet you still expect me to be able to carry on as normal. So of course I assumed that if you were sick you would want me to follow your example and treat you as you've treated me when I've been sick for the last 3 months. But if I've misunderstood something and you think that you deserve being helped when your sick but you don't think that I deserve to be helped when I'm sick, then please explain exactly how you think that's going to work and why...'

And then see what he says to that.

Also - remind him that if you get his bug not only will you be doubly sick - but it could be really serious for the baby (I'm not sure if it is or not - I seem to remember getting d&v bugs when pg and being OK, danger is more from not being able to eat or drink than anything nasty happening to the baby if you see what I mean) - but anyway, it wouldn't hurt to point it out to him and make him see how much worse it could be!