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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit miffed? Leaving do.

44 replies

Genvonklinkerhoffen · 10/11/2015 17:45

I've worked at my place for almost 5 years which is practically unheard of. I've seen people come and go, trained people up for promotion, turned the place around and generally broken my back for it.

I'm finally moving on, finishing before Christmas and starting new job straight afterwards. Today, my direct junior (who is moving into my role) said "you're not bothered for a leaving do are you"

In the past when I've arranged them, we've done a lunch (everyone brings food, quite multinational so lots of variety) if the person doesn't want to go out. We've done cocktail nights, pub crawls, pub quizzes, afternoon tea and so on. Now no one gives a shit because it's my turn.

This is sounding more self centred as I write it but is it my responsibility to ask for/organise one? Is it because I'm the boss?

i just feel like I've invested in every one of them and they're like "cool, seeya".

Bah.

OP posts:

HoneysuckleAndJasmine · 10/11/2015 18:40

Oh that's just pants.
Sometimes people are just rubbish. And that hurts because you're not.

Canyouforgiveher · 10/11/2015 18:52

*"when I've dragged her up from knowing next to nothing to being competent"

I'd probably feel a bit insulted if my boss thought like this sorry*

For all you know your boss does think like this. The OP didn't express it to her colleague. Do you think the OP isn't getting a leaving party because she has less than perfect thoughts about her colleagues??

Ipigglemustdie · 10/11/2015 19:07

Well yes if my boss has less than perfect thoughts about me and believes he/she dragged me up because i had no natural potential then I would probably pick up on that after a few years. Really wouldn't put me in a mood to spend time unpaid with a sickly fake smile on my face while on my knees thanking them.

Not saying that's the case with op but that's the impression I got from that line. That's been retracted

MrsSchadenfreude · 10/11/2015 19:09

The suspicious item from the Romanian temp will be an old Coke bottle, filled with a pale wee coloured liquid. It's called tuica. Drink it hot with black pepper and it cures all ills, apparently.

Original poster

Genvonklinkerhoffen · 10/11/2015 19:12

Thanks schaden I'll give it a go on my own in the stationery cupboard

ipiggle she's got plenty of natural potential. We have a good relationship, in and out of work, as you noted I have retracted that. It was a manifestation of my miffedness.

OP posts:

TSSDNCOP · 10/11/2015 19:15

I would bet that less than 5 minutes after you walk through the door it won't even blip on your Giveashitometre.

Spend the cash you'd have spent on a round of drinks on a bottle of champagne for yourself and toast to your shiny new job instead!

Original poster

Genvonklinkerhoffen · 10/11/2015 19:22

OP posts:

specialsubject · 10/11/2015 19:28

the giveashitometer is a concept that needs to have a MUCH higher profile!

don't worry about it, OP. Colleagues are not always friends.

VulcanWoman · 10/11/2015 19:29

Sounds like they're used to you arranging these types of things, they're thoughtless, that's most people for you. Do you think you'll arrange something or just leave it now?

Original poster

Genvonklinkerhoffen · 10/11/2015 19:40

I expect I will just leave it now; I might even take a sly 2 days leave for my last 2 days of work.

I have a full on 2 day handover planned plus a week to answer any questions then I'm going on holiday and turning my phone off.

OP posts:

StickyProblem · 10/11/2015 20:12

YANBU OP.

I just left a company after 9 YEARS and my boss arranged Nothing. Its an international company and we aren't based in the same country. When other male people left after 2 years, me and him arranged to collect messages from all over the region, email them, scan handwritten messages into cards etc. - but I got nothing. Someone moved to the US office so didn't even leave and my boss was involved in a surprise webcast for him. Mr Fucking Thoughtful, when he felt like it.

Thankfully my lovely buds in the Uk office got me a card and present.

Can't offer you any advice on getting closure sadly as I am still annoyed :)
for you, congrats on the new job, their lack of interest in sending you off shows you were unappreciated and it's time to move on. Good luck in the new job!

LeafyLafae · 10/11/2015 23:40

Perhaps you should've done what my former boss did - during a period of heavy redundancies, she managed to wangle herself a promotion to another office with a hefty pay rise. She had told one of the staff, not a direct report, exactly what we were to buy her as her leaving present... chose it herself from the jewellers brochure... maybe that's where you're going wrong..?

Perhaps people can't be bothered because its so close to Christmas, and are counting on the Christmas do as a joint event?

lilyb84 · 10/11/2015 23:47

OP, if I hadn't organised my own do when I left my employer of 9 years no one would have done it for me... as I was the one who organised things. Same for you perhaps?

I've even been organising leaving drinks for ex colleagues up to a year after leaving myself! And the one I didn't, they managed to get themselves to a pub but no one thought to book tables (in central London). Bearing in mind my ex colleagues regularly organise large public events...

pandarific · 10/11/2015 23:53

If the longest any of them have been there is a year, it doesn't sound like you know them all very well?

I think just invite them for the lunch/drinks, mention that work is paying (I assume) as if they are junior to you cost may be a factor, and then kick back and have fun.

BikeRunSki · 11/11/2015 00:01

In the team I used to manage, I organised or instigated leaving dos, whip rounds for weddings, babies and decade birthdays. When I went in MLi just left the building at 5pm. I'd never trained my team to think of these thugs

BikeRunSki · 11/11/2015 00:01

Things! Not thugs!

Mmmmcake123 · 11/11/2015 00:04

It sounds like the issue is due to the turnover of staff. If hardly any staff have known you for very long they won't really care that you are leaving (sorry). Maybe when you were organising things, staff leaving were longer term and other staff too who would be happy to attend. Unfortunately new staff will now just be thinking about how to relate to new boss once you're gone!!
Sorry eat and witwoo on your leaving day. Arrange something else just for you xxx

Pennybun4 · 11/11/2015 05:24

I would go with your idea of taking the sly two days. They are thoughtless and not worth wasting time over. They are colleagues not friends so go out with your real friends or family who will be pleased and excited for you and your promotion.

As an aside, nearly 13 years ago I left a job due to ill health. I had been off sick for two months prior to this and arranged to go in, return keys and other bits and bobs. It was just before Christmas so I took in Christmas cards and chocolates for some of my colleagues. Wasn't expecting the red carpet to be rolled out for me but did not even get a good luck card from the organisation.

Good luck with your new job OP, ever on and upwards!

IjustGotmy2016diary · 11/11/2015 06:08

A colleague of mine left after over 40 years.... yes that is correct..... in one place.

We did her a leaving do but not one manager turned up. They had worked with her for year's too and she was lovely.

I don't think it's because they don't care. It's more that they don't think of other's which is especially galling when you do.

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