To suggest buying Christmas presents for SiL's and BiL's children only?

[DimpleHands]

DH's family Christmases are pretty large affairs - between 15 and 20 people generally, all of whom buy Christmas presents for each other. It works out being pretty expensive and time-consuming and the mound of presents under the Christmas tree is actually pretty obscene IMO.

DH has a brother and sister, both married and with young children (we also have two young children). Would it be unreasonable if I sent BiL and SiL an email suggesting that between us we just buy presents for each other's children (this is what me and my sister agreed between us a few years back)? DH doesn't mind either way but I get the impression that he doesn't want to be the one suggesting it. BiL and SiL are both very well off and so they wouldn't mind the expense of buying for everyone, but for us we could really do with not spending so much at Christmas.

Should add so as not to drip-feed that I don't get on very well with SiL...

I would struggle with not giving anything. This is the solution in our family - one of my brothers has two children and we have two children, so we buy decent presents for the children. We have a £1 budget for DB and SIL and they do for us. It works quite well, and the £1 presents are usually amusing - last year we got a washing up brush.

I think that's a perfectly reasonable suggestion as you both hvae children to buy for.

Or you could just agree to buy an inexpensive joint present for each couple, e.g. a box of M&S chocolate biscuits or something, I think they are on special offer at the moment £3. But if the money is a real problem definitely raise it as buying for the dc only and wouldn't BU. SIL would be U if she made a fuss.

I have a large extended family and we all put names in a hat and pick one to buy gifts for during the party.

Of course those of us who are close exchange gifts privately before or after the party. No one has had a problem with it.

YANBU. We do secret santa of £15 for the adults in DH family (parents, close cousins, siblings and their partners) since dc have been born this way you get a decent quality present, not 2 candles, a box of quality street and some cheap soap.

I broached this a few years ago as I was sick of trudging round the shops and the expense for buying for a dozen family members, thankfully they all agreed and said they were sick of it too.

We also buy for the children a present worth about £5 (there are 5 of them atm).

Yanbu, BUT I think midway through November a bit late to suggest it as they may well have started their shopping , or even finished it all.

I think it's fine to do a token gift for the adults. It's nicer and more fun than nothing at all.

I am lucky that we already have systems in place, but I am generally finished Christmas shopping before Novemeber so changes would annoy me. However anyone who could not afford to buy I would be happy not to receive, but if they new this months in advance then I would be angered that they could of let me know sooner.

I was just coming on to say it was maybe a bit late in the day for suggesting this, presents could already be bought. However the idea in itself is not unreasonable, especially if it's due to money concerns.

I did this a few years back. Told everyone in july that i would only be buying kids presents and presents for my parents and siblings who dont have kids. Everyone agreed. It has been bliss.

OP i would do what you normally do this year but say that this year will be the last.

I've done this for the last 2 years ... it saves me getting something I don't want and worrying about what to get BIL and SIL (in case they don't like what I get them either). I can't be doing with buying for buying sake.

My dilemna is BIL and SIL's children are now having kids as they are now adults, where as we only have younger DD ... do I extend this to only the smaller children? My nieces and nephews both work, they don't need anything, just like BIL and SIL .. is it cheeky to now only buy for their children? .. thoughts please?

Gawd I haven't even started Christmas shopping!

Op we've done the same with my SIL, it works fine for us all.

I think it's a bit late to suggest this unless you know everyone has got anything yet.

Personally I think your dh should be the one emailing. It's his family.

He is saying he doesn't care either way? Well obviously he does if he doesn't want to suggest it.

troubleinstore, my mum had a lot of nieces and nephews to buy for, and she always made it known that she would stop when they were 21. After that she would buy wedding gifts and if they had children she would buy for the great nieces/nephews at Christmas.

Nothing wrong with suggesting presents for children only, but dh should ask.

You could perhaps do a secret Santa for the adults to make it more manageable otherwise?

Totally reasonable but I would put this back onto your DH and say that he should either do the shopping for them or be the one to suggest it. They are his family.

Yanbu, BUT I think midway through November a bit late to suggest it as they may well have started their shopping , or even finished it all.

I second that. Middle of November now so some people could have at least started if not finished their shopping.