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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Other than a restraining order I don't know what to do about my batshit mother.

34 replies

Onedirectionarestillloved · 08/11/2015 23:17

Posting here for traffic.
I have just a had a phone call from my mother, I really should be in bed,but can't go because I am so upset.

To cut a long story short I posted before and the unanimous mn desicion was that I would not be unreasonable to go nc with my mother.

It is hard to know where to begin but let's just say that she can be very unpleasant and seems to want to destroy my happiness.

The last time she came to my house and had an 'episode' resulting in my asking her twice to stop shouting at me and please keep her voice down ( dd2s friend was in our house at the time).
In desperation I spoke to my auntie( her sister) about it and when my mother next saw her, my auntie had a quiet word and suggested that she stop interfering in my life, stop passing her uninvited opinion about everything, otherwise she would lose me and my kids from her life.
Her response was to storm out of my aunties and not speak to her for a few months!

I did go nc but she , mainly through my dc, managed to weave her wAy back in.

I need to point out that I have not been to her house or instigated seeing her at all. Neither have I invited her to my house.

I did ignore her calls until she came into the house one day with dd2 after offering dd2 a lift.

So basically I have stopped communicating with her but understand the dc still want to keep in touch..

Anyway the lease on my Dp tenancy is up and the landlord is moving back into the property.

Just before finding out we had agreed to move in together so dp is going to move in with me and my dc.

We have waited and taken our time if I was alone we would have done this much earlier.

We are looking at all the furniture we have and I suggested that it might be best if I sell 2 single beds and we use dps double bed instead, dd1 is at uni.

No big deal in the scheme of things but somehow my mother has found out and rung me , now ranting and raving demanding to know why I an selling my dcs beds.

Am I planning on throwing them out of thehouse?
She wanted to know exactly why I am selling their beds, those were her exact words.

I told her s he was unreasonable ringing me up at this time of night asking questions which are none of her business.

She then proceeded to start screaming that it was her who had helped me out and I was making a huge mistake.

I again repeated that if I want to change the beds in my dcs room then it is none of her business.

She carried on shouting why am I doing it, am I trying to get rid of my children?!?!

Again I said no I am merely altering the furniture.

She makes me feel like I am a bad person who is moving sone kind of monster into my house.

I can hardly speak to anyone in rl because she is so bloody vile I have confided in 2 very close friends who have both said they are totally disgusted in what she has said and done in the past.

They cannot understand why she is like she is and have assured me there is nothing wrong with me.

I want to cry I feel like she us trying to poison the kids against ME and dp. Like she wants to drive a wedge between us.
Life is hard enough as it is without my own mother acting like a fucking she devil.
sorry this is long.
For Those of you who can remember she called me an alcoholic at my dds birthday party.

I am nothing like an alcoholic but she wanted dds friends to believe that I am.

Thanks if you've got this far.

OP posts:
Senpai · 10/11/2015 06:02

I get the impression that your DM cares about you and your DC very much but is probably going the wrong way about showing it.

Really? How do you get the impression that telling a girl that her mother is an alcoholic is showing care? She sounds batshit crazy.

I note that most PPs say go NC, but ask your self this - what if you were to go NC and your DM were to die unexpectedly. How would you feel? Would you think that you had made the right decision?

At this point, I'm sure OP would be relieved. DH had an aunt he did not get along with and she always stuck her nose in where it didn't belong. He did not care that she died. They made peace with each other but, it wasn't a big loss for him.

Onedirectionarestillloved · 10/11/2015 17:03

Cireo7- all I can say is it's very difficult for those with loving normal families to understand but trust me my mother could find bad in Mother Teressa.

She says awful, nasty things about people including myself. Now because I know this for a fact and know she tells lies I don't listen when she try's to warn me about dp.

How can I believe a word she says when she has told people that I am an alcoholic?

If she truly wanted what was best for her grandchildren then she would be trying her best to get along with my dp and make their relationship with him smooth.

All my dcs have told her to stop criticising their father infront of them, I have told her, my best friend has told her, but she cannot help herself.

If you split from the father of your children I don't think you would take the same view if your parents repeatedly slagged him off at every opportunity in front of the dc.

Children need boundaries and discipline ( along with love of course) yet she try's her best to undermine me making me out to be 'evil'.

OP posts:
munkisocks · 10/11/2015 17:22

I hate people who criticise others like your mum does with your ex h. My mum and nan constantly slag off my aunt (mums sis) saying she was cruel and neglectful to her kids just so I would hate my aunt and that side of the family because my mum (self appointed matriarch I'm going to call her now) and nan don't get along with them. It's total shit though.

I feel for you Flowers you be brave and go NC if you feel that will be right. To me in your situation it would be 100%. I read that someone lending you money has no right to treat you as scum. That's opened my eyes for own situation so ill let you have cake for that Cake

Cicero7 · 11/11/2015 05:34

As I said, I haven't read the other threads. It seems to me to be to be a very big thing to go NC with a parent but only you can make that decision. I was just saying think carefully about it, in case you regret it later.

Even if you do go NC, I think it would not be right to discourage your DC from seeing her, if they have a good relationship - but again, that is their decision to make if they are adults.

Brioche201 · 11/11/2015 06:14

So where will your 18 and 17 yr olds sleep? Misses point!

Brioche201 · 11/11/2015 06:21

Just noticed you have said she has helpsd you financiallg Did she buy the beds you are selling? If so I think she was entitled to a polite answer

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 11/11/2015 07:12

She sounds awful.

I'm NC with my mother and thankfully my teenager hates her so I don't have to worry about that. But before we went NC she would slag me off to dd.

Apart from sening me ranty letters I don't hear from her. I wouldn't answer the phone to her if she rang. I got Dh to screen phone calls for months and he was primed to say I was out, but she never rang. Can you get someone else to pick the phone up and just say that you're out. But caller ID would be better.

Onedirectionarestillloved · 11/11/2015 07:21

Brioche- no she didn't buy the beds.

If your parents gave you some money towards your wedding would you say it gives them the right to dictate to you exactly who you will Marry and exactly how you will conduct yourself within that marriage?
Would you agree that only they have the power to tell you when that marriage should end.

Btw nobody has ever bought furniture for my house except myself.

OP posts:
Onedirectionarestillloved · 11/11/2015 07:22

17 and 18 year old are in different rooms.

It's the 13 year old who would be having a double bed.

OP posts:
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