To think I have totally fucked up.

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

Every year I have spent from September Christmas shopping.

I tend to grab a bargain in which I know family and DC will like.

Dh moaned about the money I was spending so I said to ok, change all my passwords and email sites that I use.

Coming up to Christmas and we have nothing and I feel my attitude with ok fuck it you deal with it has blown up in my face.

Que?

I can't save. It why I buy physical things.

I knew to follow through then I would need no access to my PayPal and eBay, so got dh to change these.

Not sure how much is in our savings as its not in my name as I'm hopeless with money.

I'm just panicking.

Sorry for the late reply my battery died on me.

So your dh changed your passwords at your request in order to stop you buying things for Xmas when you saw bargains, and by now you'd have quite a few things?

There's still loads of time. Ask him for your passwords, or write him a list of things he needs to get himself.

I doubt dh has been putting money aside.

It's why I said I have totally fucked up.

I would normally have Christmas done and dusted by now.

???

Sorry, I just don't find you are making any sense.

I am not surprised that you are uncomfortable with the fact that your DH has changed your passwords, even if it was at your own request. I would never give anyone else that level of control over me, no matter what.

But its really not too late to buy stuff from Ebay, amazon or wherever else is online? And if you think its too much money, then don't buy things for whoever it is. Buy something cheaper?

By the way, I have done nothing at all for Christmas yet. I don't get the need for the panic.

How about asking your DP for a gift card for eBay or whatever so you can't overspend.

Is there a back story of different attitudes to money here?

What exactly did he think you were supposed to do/spend? Were you buying presents for his family too? (If so that's half your problem solved - they get nothing if he doesn't buy them.)

Is the attitude difference about preparation? Does he think you get into a tizz far too early where he's more last minute flowers for the garage more laid back than you. Is he controlling in other ways?

This needs sorting properly. Changing your passwords to stop you is not on.

Have you actually asked him what his plan is for sorting Christmas or are you just getting anxious from the lack of control over it this year?

How have YOU fucked up if your husband hasn't been putting money aside? If you have children to be doing Santa for you need to let him know it has to be sorted or will he let you all wake on Christmas morning to an empty house?

I don't think it's unclear.

I just think the OP is very anxious about things.

I have nothing for Christmas at all yet OP. It's how many people are....I have to buy things as I go from about now.

The DC have about 300 each in gifts....I cut out other things in order to buy them.

This is potentially a good result, no one has bought anything therefore there may be savings in the bank, which you say you're bad at.
Savings are important. I sense a backstory. Maybe your DH will buy £5 gifts which is a good rule and keeps Xmas gifts in perspective.
Tbh I have my gifts bought but that's because I nab bargains throughout the year, inc,using Xmas day sales but they are never pricey.

I can't understand how people buy gifts for DC so far in advance when you have no idea if they'll like it by the time Christmas rolls around.

For eg about 6 months ago my 11 year old DD LOVED all things to do with soap making.

Now she's done with that. It was a fad. If I'd bought related things back then, they'd not be wanted.

it's the 8th of November.

Most people have done no Christmas shopping yet.

Some people do it all on Christmas Eve.

it's not a problem.

You have plenty of time before Christmas.

Sit down with dh and both come up with ideas of presents you are going to buy for friends and relatives, and a rough budget/cost for each present.

Follow the Christmas bargain threads here on MN to look for coupons, codes, bargains... you can change plans and ideas of what to buy people, there is plenty of time before Christmas.

Work together- it will be more fun, and you won't feel all grudgy because you're doing all the planning and buying, and he's doing bugger all.

I am just really panicking and hopefully dh will put it together, just way out of my comfort zone.

You might find it's better - shops who have over-purchases have to slash their prices dramatically come Christmas Eve.

Well, Piper, pull it back into your comfort zone... start working on Christmas planning together.
You'll be celebrating Christmas togather, so both play a part in it.
You seem to be panicking over something that you feel is out of your control, but that you have every chance of bringing back into your contol.

I can't believe I read both pages hoping for some twist.

DH and I sit down in September with a list of people we buy gifts for. We set a budget for each person and over the following 6-8wks decide what to get for that person. We don't go over budget, we'll have not done so yet.

Most of the kids toys are 2nd hand. The only new toys we get are specialist toys for my son. Mine are 2 and 4. If older I can see how that can be a whole lot more challenging. However, I think Christmas gift lists should be something a couple should at least try to start together.

OP - christmas is one day. And nothing bad will happen if you just get a present for your nearest and dearests, and have a fancy roast dinner on the day.

In an ideal world, your husband is trying to downplay christmas a bit in order to bring your expectations and level of involvement down.

Honest, nobody will die if you dont spend a fortune and get a bazillion things sorted out.

And if you have little money and little time, that might be the best outcome for you.

I haven't done a thing for Christmas yet. It really doesn't matter. If you have a low key Christmas with just a few gifts and special nibbles you might find it has been the best Christmas ever.

OP, why don't you look at this as an opportunity to reassess your attitude toward Christmas? Does there really need to be a buying frenzy to enjoy the holiday?

All issues of financial control aside (as an adult you really shouldn't need another adult to actually control your passwords; you must find counseling or something to help you better manage money) perhaps this is a good thing. What would you do for your loved ones if you literally had nothing to spend?

Could you make things? Repurpose things? Ask on Freecycle? Offer your time and company instead of material goods? Create experiences such as nature walking or caroling or a holiday play in lieu of the big present-opening?

I'm not suggesting you do without ANYTHING but if you seriously are panicking and it's not just a figure of speech, it might do well to recall that millions of women on this planet don't know how they are going to FEED their children for the next six weeks let along provide them with stacks of plastic claptrap on a one-day consumer orgy.

You might find yourself enjoying the change.