To be annoyed?

[PippiWithTheBluestocking]

I'm 22, just graduated and back home for a few months after finishing uni. Money's tight right now as I'm trying to study three/four days a week so bringing in about £70 a week, enough to live on but not loads. I'm starting a job next summer which is pretty well paid and will mean i can leave home and fully support myself. So my point is that I've tried not to be a financial burden on my parents, and this is the first time since I was 18 that I've done this.

I supported myself throughout university, had a full-time gap year job which continued in summers and meant I could live pretty well on that along with the (quite small) student loan I received. My parents were very kindly on hand to help with housing deposits but otherwise I was v happy to support myself and work throughout (as it should be).

My parents are quite well off and although they very rarely spend money on themselves they are generous but do not splurge. So while they haven't ever given me an allowance or anything, they would help me if I needed help and have said they will help with housing deposits in future which is very kind - my intention isn't to boast, just to say that they mean well.

Anyway. My dad is a bit more generous in this way than my mum and when I got paid back a housing deposit, he said I should keep it in my account "for emergencies". It's about £700 and very kind of him to do that.

I offered to pay the money back but he refused.

Months later, my mum is apparently really annoyed about it and asking for it to be "paid back". I'm very upset as I feel that I offered to give it back, he refused... And now she wants it back. I haven't spent it, it's still in my account, I'm quite frugal and living within my means. Just feel a bit put out, like I'm being accused of being on the take! I didn't even ask to keep the bloody money, it was given to me (very kindly I know) but why resent it after?! I've worked since I was 16 in an effort to be independent so it annoys me when it is implied that I'm a sponger (which is what I feel is being implied here)... Aibu???

My mum is a bit like yours sounds. Very difficult to get it right with her I found. I've always done everything for myself because I didn't want her feeling she had a controlling stake in it but then got accused of 'not allowing them to help' in the end I realised I had to do what I feel is the right thing whatever she says, and it tends to be keeping very independent. Funny enough it seems to work on the whole as then I am dealing with her as an equal. Good luck with your new job

This sounds V similar.

The money your Dad gave you- is it HIS money or both their money? If its his, ignore her. Otherwise pay her back her half. Its upto you and your Dad (and HIS money) what you do with the rest

I think you did the right thing in giving it back. It wasn't very nice of your dad to a) give away his partners money without her agreement and b) drop you in it.

Some oddly aggressive posts on here. I think you sound very sensible and that your mum is behaving poorly so it's understandable that you're annoyed. Your dad essentially spent that money when he gifted it to you. If she has an issue with his spending she should talk to him not make passive aggressive digs at you. I'd be feeling a bit wobbly about the strings Attached flat deposit after all of this.

I can relate to this. I moved out of my fathers home into shared accomodation at 16. Some time later, the building was to be sold, and i asked if i could move back in with himwhile i saved a deposit. Instead he offered to lend me a deposit which was very kind. I agreed how much i would repay him each month, and found a flat to rent.

A few days later i received a 'welcome to to your new home' card, along with an unexpected official contract to sign agreeing the terms of the loan.

It hurt that he didn't trust me to repay the loan. I was earning amd financially independent. I hadn't relied on him for money and had worked from the age of 14.
He had no basis to think I wouldn't pay him back. I didn't ask for the loan, he offered.

I didn't sign the contract, and I paid every payment on time as agreed when he lent me the money.

"You're right that maybe I'm preoccupied with not being a sponger"
Sounds a bit as if your mum has drilled that into you .

It does sound a bit like your mum has drilled that into you OP, agreed.

Some quite OTT responses on this thread!

You're doing the right thing