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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what you all do in childcare emergencies?

27 replies

babarthefuckingelephant · 08/11/2015 11:50

Im a lone parent of a 7mo and a 2yo. I have literally no support anymore, I'm skint. Im trying to pick myself back up and get things back on track after DH beating me up and being sent to prison. My family and friends have all pretty much shunned me because of the aforementioned. Nobody has been the slightest bit supportive or even wants to acknowledge i exist because I seem to have brought shame on the family by letting this happen.
Im at uni 2 hours one night a week. My mum has now refused to cover for this as I am now out of the family fold and I literally have no other support. Im going to have to give it up aren't i? I can't speak to uni as the course is four years of the same timetabled time. Its 6-8pm and its the only thing I'm holding onto to get myself out of this mess. Im screwed aren't i?

OP posts:
lexigrey · 08/11/2015 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ghostyslovesheep · 08/11/2015 11:55

Babysitter? Try local colleges with l3 childcare courses - nursery staff sometimes babysit as well

LifeIsChaos · 08/11/2015 12:00

Try speaking to the collage. Perhaps someone doing a childcare qualification there would be suitable.

ilovesooty · 08/11/2015 12:01

I hope you do find some childcare. Your family sound horrible.

Scarydinosaurs · 08/11/2015 12:02

In a year you will qualify for free child care for your first child, is it worth asking the uni if they have any way of helping you until then? Our local uni has a nursery on site, does yours have anything like that?

TattieHowkerz · 08/11/2015 12:05

Is there any local babysitting exchange, or could you set one up? You babysit for another mum one night, she babysits for you that night. Or see if the uni can give you a hardship grant for a babysitter? They might also do hardship loans, which in my experience (quite a while ago) they transfer to grants at the end of the financial year.

Badders123 · 08/11/2015 12:25

I would speak to the college.
I'm sure they would be able to advise/put you in touch with an organisation that could help.

Chottie · 08/11/2015 12:29

I would second speaking to your uni and seeing what they can offer in the way of financial support.

Good luck with your course and I really hope 2016 is a better year for you Flowers

ilove · 08/11/2015 12:32

Sitters are excellent for this - you can have the same person every week and they are all registered and checked

ShortcutButton · 08/11/2015 12:37

Speak to your college. Y9u might be able to get hardship fund to pay for a babysitter

Twindroops · 08/11/2015 12:38

My sister is a registered childminder and also works for sitters, she has regulars and it seems to work well but I don't think its cheap.
I am so sorry for your situation op, your family sound dreadful. I wonder is there are any organisations that might be able to help you, as a victim of DV? Even to meet more people and make friends? Local playgroups, toddler groups that sort of thing?

imsorryiasked · 08/11/2015 12:51

Can you get any childcare provision thru student finance?

SplatterMustard · 08/11/2015 13:02

It sounds very hard OP. As a last resort, could you study with the OU?

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 08/11/2015 13:04

If you can't afford childcare then the pp suggestion of swapping nights with another mum sounds a good plan. Is there s notice board (online or physical) at your college where you could post about this? Obviously the parents in your own class can't do your night but if their dp could then maybe you could set something up with them?

AllOfTheCoffee · 08/11/2015 13:10

Ask a neighbour, if you don't ask, you won't know.

I've stepped in a couple of times when neighbours have asked, one of those people I only knew to say Hello to, I wasn't offended or put out in anyway.

Theymakemefeellikeshit · 08/11/2015 13:14

I am on the Stately Home thread so read what happens with families and quite often how instead of supporting their children parents and not only taking sides but will taking the side of an exH who is violent.

As others have said:

  1. Speak to the university as there maybe funding.
  2. AS someone else has suggested could you transfer/defer for a year to the OU

I am not sure if when you say no support you mean from your family or from friends too

My parents were always happy to babysit. The catch? I had to drive my DC the 2 hours to their house. So a total of 8 hours driving in total. I had a friend who was in the same situation so we babysat for each other. Could you do this? Appreciate you can't go to someone's house in the evening but you could have their DC for a sleepover or have them during the day.

Hope you get something worked out

eastwest · 08/11/2015 13:21

Please talk to the college. I teach at a uni and if one of my students came and told me this was their situation I would do everything I could to make sure they did not drop out, and I know the HoD would too (we all have kids & can empathise). Have you got a personal tutor? It is in the university's interest to keep you on the course too. Students dropping out is not good for their stats.

Alanna1 · 08/11/2015 13:28

Baby-sitting circle. And try and find some other LPs (or families) so that you can all help each other out in other ways too. Good luck!

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 08/11/2015 13:33

As its regular you'll need to pay a babysitter or find a fellow parent you can do a similar favour for in return. In a one off emergency I'd ask a neighbor - my parents are abroad and my in-laws live an hour's drive away (each way obviously, so 4 hours in the car for me to take and fetch the DC) though they would be willing to help it would be very impractical!

Brew good luck! Your family sound horrible to push you away at a time like this! :(

Snossidge · 08/11/2015 13:39

Have you applied for a childcare grant? If you are a single parent on a low income you should qualify. Then I agree with the others about Sitters or a childminder who wants to do some babysitting.

Sgtmajormummy · 08/11/2015 13:47

As it's an evening couse, there must be other people like you who leave their children with someone. Could you approach them and ask if you can meet up at their house, leave ALL the children with THEIR babysitter, travel to the course and back together, and then take your LOs home?

You could offer to split the costs or, if it's the OH babysitting, pay them back with ironing, cleaning, dogwalking, gardening... Or advertise on your local noticeboard for a babysitter in return for these jobs.

With children that age, though, I admit it's an uphill struggle and not everyone will want to take on the responsibility. But if people realise how committed you are to the course and what you're coping with, they'll want to lend a hand. Flowers

MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 08/11/2015 13:51

I went to a surestart centre and got a list of childminders in my area and then I rang around.
One of the cms did babysit but wasn't available when I needed and another had a teenaged daughter who was at college and babysat for extra cash- I used her. ( still do 6 years on)

Scarydinosaurs · 08/11/2015 19:14

Actually, won't you get free childcare from 2?

Senpai · 08/11/2015 19:20

Universities usually have at the very least information on how to access resources for childcare. They might be able to direct you to programs for mothers trying to get an education. I'd talk to your resource counselor to see what is available.

Snossidge · 08/11/2015 19:48

2 year funding is school hours Scary.