Mil not interested in baby

[Bilgeandall]

Hi. Name changed for this.

Ds is 9 months old. MIL has 2 other gc who she sees all the time - for childcare and lives 2 mins from her dd. We live about 10 mins away and ds is her son's first child. She doesn't really make an effort to see us/ds.

She came round a couple of weeks ago and I admitted how much I was struggling, nearly in tears but managed to maintain my dignity! (this could out me, but for full clarity, I'm also very, very pregnant)

She took ds out for a walk so I could rest a bit and she enjoyed spending the time with him. She said she'd like it to be a regular thing but it's been 3 weeks now and I haven't heard from her. She cancelled the second week because it was other gc birthday. I guess I'm being stubborn but I don't see why I should contact her.

When we see dh's family it's always us going to them (and my idea to visit, not his) We've always got on ok (me and mil) and he is fairly close to his family.

AIBU to feel upset she doesn't seem interested and that I should wait for her to contact me? I feel bad for dh that she obviously spends so much more time with other grandchildren. Maybe I should stop feeling bad about it and call her, but I feel like then I'm bugging her and should leave her alone. To be clear, I'm not expecting her to look after him for hours, or take him out etc, just would be nice for him to see her more often, and get used to her/not cry when she holds him.
Sorry for rambling. Please be kind. I'm not Mil bashing.

I have this problem too, so I'm probably biased... but, I can't imagine seeing someone nearly in tears, telling me how much they're struggling, heavily pregnant and with a baby (let alone one I am related to) and then thinking "ooh no, I had better not intrude, I'll wait for her to reach out (again)"

YANBU. I've withdrawn from my MIL now as I have tried everything, and concluded she isn't interested in her only GC! Like you I was desperate for any offer of help (not that she's obliged, of course), or even company.

I'd probably try one last time, and be very clear, we'd love you to come around, don't feel you're intruding, etc etc - and if you don't get anywhere then save yourself the stress and hurt and let your DH maintain the relationship, at least while you have very little ones to think of. It's sad for them, and a real pity if you can't hope for any practical help, but maybe best to lower your expectations, and those of your DC in future!

ThatsNot

I don't agree that it's typical MN

For every post defending MILs, there is one berating them. It varies a lot

I'd say Mumsnet is quite harsh on mil (and I say that as a dil who barely tolerates my own).
It's not surprising she cancelled the other week if it was another gc birthday. I'd phone her to rearrange. Give her one more chance rather than cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I am a MiL like mollie123 and I would also be very hesitant about not interfering / passing judgement / giving opinions too. you can see I've been reading about MiLs on MN

OP - If you want help from your MiL, I would just ring her up and ask if she can come round and do x, y and z.